the greatest blog ever

2012-01-10T19:56:00.003+05:30

This is 200th. I wanted to write that I want to make it special but I really dont. I will write few things here and there. In my earlier analysis, I had established how the number of posts is inversely proportional to quality of posts for a given duration. i think that is true. but mostly i guess it has to do with freshness of the posts. i think i will pull one this off quite decently.

and its 10 already? i completed one month in this part of the world. good good. and i want to finally settle in raipur. yess. i will own a home in bangalore as well. but that is different.

and how completely real things look. so completely within reach. its unbelievable at times. but then you become aware.

aah. i just remembered what i actually wanted to write about. when was the last time you heard your heart beat so loud you got scared that it would burst open. arent those the moments that you are so so aware that you are alive? extreme emotions. fear is one of them. and may be love is the extreme. okk.. now you think i wrote all this to talk about love. i wrote this last line in fond memory of more energetic ignorant happy and young me - i could have written rest of this post just in this point - i was talented back then. haha. i feel fresh.

coming back to the point - it was that night when i wanted to sleep to be able to wake up early next morning - i got so scared i woke up. and i thanked god as never before to have friends come over to my place for visiting me. i had two pegs, we listened to old hindi songs, mostly from pyasa and talked about how handsome dharmendra was and how talented sanjeev kumar was. good times - completely justifies consumption of alcohol.

another night was when i prepared some material for sas training. shit, it sounded so stupid. it still does. it was four in the morning and few hours before we get into session. i was so bloodly proud and happy, i could not sleep thinking i wish i had the class right now so i could teach them.

and to end the post - how much do you know yourself if you have never been in a fight? that is from fight club.

path to self discovery, is it?

2012-01-05T20:53:00.002+05:30

it was 'timing', 'packaging' and 'summarization'.

the secret to money making is same as that to comedy - timing. i picked that up from 'a good day'. you need to be really thoughtful when you decide to take plunge. and i can recite examples of blunders that i have dont in term of timing it extremely wrong. however, i shouldn't think about it much. its only in the hind sight that you recognise simplicity of affairs. but it is still very difficult to keep it simple. i understand that quite well now.

i am diverting in thoughts now. i tend to be very mindful of what a stranger is thinking of me. i think its because of my self-deprecating behavior. i need to keep a check on it. the sad part is that the people that i know very well, i find it easier to say no to them. that last sentence does not make sense at all. and i dont mean just grammatically.

coming to packaging - isn't that the most important part of selling? i need to understand vanity and importance of this. projections are reality anyway. this world is not like matrix.. it is matrix.

and to know truly, you need to summarize accurately. that means taking much trouble in filtering and searching till you get what you want. a book that translates my technical understanding to philosophy of life is much awaited, i guess.

one more thing, i don't know why but i project this image of uncertainty around people mostly strangers - i think its my sad way of connecting with them. but there are people just talking to whom makes me know what i want. Isnt it too good a feeling to have such people around you?

It's big time that i start writing a book. i still feel that it will be a while before it slides all down-hill.

and i received roses from a girl. thank you.

2012-01-05T00:18:00.002+05:30

I have something stuck between one of my teeth and i feel like using a gun to bring it out.

so its been so long since i last posted. i didnt have a laptop when i moved here and primary reason for me buying this was to be able to posted. it made me realise how much i liked blogging. i actually started writing stuff down on a diary. most of it was a more elaborate version of 'i am stupid' but what the heck! my hand writing is particularly bad. now that i have all the time in the world, maybe i will get my hand writing to a decent level. may be learn calligraphy etc.

see i had so much to write about and i am writing all the nonsense. and i am not even writing it to sound funny. Reading my past posts have become a habit lately. and i like the ones written very early (2007) and the later ones (2009-2010). transition time is always bad i guess.

as always i am doing a lot of self analysis now. the only question that remains now is - should i get polished or not? is it really worth it. maybe i will write a rulebook on how i intend to behave.

i also wanted to write about 'timing', 'packaging' and 'i forgot what it was'. well lets not bore ourselves by talking about what prompted me to say that.

have a happy new year satish.

2011-11-19T12:58:00.002+05:30

this is post number 197. i think i will write a couple before end of this month and make it 200.

so what is happening in my life? i am in that phase of my life again. but it is so different in so many ways.

there are times when things are absolutely clear but then we try to get more clarity and things are suddenly blurred. its like adjusting a camera lens.

2011-10-30T02:17:00.002+05:30

i drove my friends motorcycle for about 2 months i guess when he was not here. i dont have a license and i know i should get one. there was one particular instance when i got held up by police and was asked to show my papers etc. after about ten minutes, i had to give them 500 bucks cause i did not have hundreds. i remember asking one of them if he had change.

for earlier part, it was so bloody dangerously exciting. and there were close encounters as well. yeah, and i drew some parallels as i so often do now a days. being always under control or anticipating moves or breakers. yeah, driving can teach you a lot.

i keep on getting signals that i need to be better at organization and communication. aah, there was a time when i thought that as i get more polished externally i will lose the rawness that can make me great. i don't feel that that often now. i think i have already lost it.

and i was talking to a friend about how we should use analytics in solving bangalore's traffic problem. and i realised that i would love to do my further studies in this field. i need to follow this much awaited lead.

2011-10-08T20:41:00.008+05:30

so there are these gals in my previous team i want to write about. i am only too aware that the post will only try to capture unsuccessfully how strongly i have felt about them. but i think it will be better than forgetting about it completely.

i have spoken quite a few times about my fascination with phrases. particularly about 'sense of duty.'

so there is this girl who has established quite a standard with her sense of duty. amazing she is. as all of them are. but she is a personal favorite.

i have moved to a different team and i don't get to interact with them quite often. but i ask them at times to join me for a snack break once in while. i don't usually prefer asking people for joining me for any kind of break. but there company i truly enjoy and i am sure they enjoy mine as well. but i have to be careful in asking them to join me because most likely they will join me even if they had other important things on their mind - i feel and have always felt a sense of responsibility when i interact with them. i am far from political correctness and they are well aware of it as well. but there are times when i am very tensed. and it shows. terrible mood swings that i have - as R1 pointed out in one of our snack breaks. she is specially concerned for me i guess. yeah so she said that i usually have terrible mood swings. she casually added that i should have noticed that the team did not bother me much when i was in a 'bad' mood and i said instantly 'was that because of you?'. and now when i think i am sure of it.

i hope that any of the above written text does not make any sense. to anybody else because it perfectly does. to me.

her parents should be so proud of her. she is like the perfect kid. you know how you always feel that 'familiarity breeds contempt'? and that basically stops you from attempting to know more about another person that you hold in very high regard - in due course of time i have come to know few things about her and it has just made me a bigger fan and a better person maybe. there are far more memories and i think I will write them down. and may be I will not post this entry. or may be i will.

when i joined the team, it was not on a good note. i had tried quitting the company and i was stupid as i am now. anyway, i went through this phase where i analysed myself as a person and established that i was a coward. but before that i was in a mode where i thought that i was doing everybody a great deal of favor by staying here. yeah, that feeling..

Anyway, i am not much of an interaction guy, and now when i look back i have a real hard time figuring out when exactly we clicked. i remember few specific instances. one, where she said that they(the kids) will not be afraid of me just because i was shouting on top of my voice. and that was when i realized that my way of talking actually bordered to shouting and then i took sometime in explaining how that was my natural way of speaking. and they completely got me. seriously now that i look back i cannot even recall who these kids were before these specific instances. i was generally mad at myself and i was so much into coding. that was best phase of my professional career i guess.

there was another instance where she had one chocolate and i wanted her to give it to me. instead she gave it to someone else. and i got mad. then went out and when i came back she had saved a very small portion of the chocolate. and i took it happily. i mentioned this because given that she didn't give me the chocolate at that time and having known her since then i am sure she didn't give it to me because she didn't like me. another point about her - she is very selective about her friends.

then there was a phase when she was my 'go-to' girl whenever i wanted to have something done. I always had a feeling that she wouldn't disappoint me and she never did. so if it was to follow-up with IT to restart a remote machine or getting a thali for lunch, she was always there. once i realized this i couldn't ask for anything unnecessary - even as a joke.

and then there was a phase when a friend and the lead of the team was asked to leave the team. that was some time. i felt so let down by the team. every day i would contemplate leaving the team or the company. i just couldn't understand. i still can't understand. but i think it's OK. maybe i will ask her but mostly i wont.

And then there was a phase when she had almost left the company. hehe.

And then there is this phase where all i am is thankful. to have known her.

2011-08-15T22:36:00.002+05:30

i think that i should write more frequently. before i forget things.

anyway, i have random, scary and very real dreams almost every night now. so i had this dream where i guess i was drowning and i was trying desperately to stay afloat. someone is trying to pull me down by my legs. i am shit scared and i give a sharp kick to get my leg free. next thing i know i am wide awake, in pain most probably with an injured toe as i have hit the wall next to my bed in full force.

and i was still scared. the pain will go i knew. but this feeling that i am losing my sense of reality was overwhelming. so this is how people go insane i thought.

work related update - i am moving to a new team. i am not very hands on. and i am still not very sure what i want to do for rest of my life. i am taking sas training (as a trainer) by the way. i took it so to get a change in work life. but even that becomes frustrating. i know i can be a great teacher if i am little more patient. and i am very patient. but somewhere carelessness has another level of effect on me. anyway, i think the thing we remember most about our teachers is not the depth of knowledge that they had, but how patient they were with us.

the thing that upsets me most is that i was upset in the class. it is kind of an infinite loop situation where i really dont want to go to prove my smartassedness. age has that effect on people.

and i am 26. at times i think i dont have an objective in my life. then few things here and there and i am already contemplating suicide (btw i have decided not to be philosophical about death) and then i think why not take that jump to do the absolute impossible without any fear of risk if i am willing to risk my life uselessly. this para, i think i shouldnt have written.

2011-06-28T00:00:00.001+05:30

So continuing on my fascination with words. Today’s word of the day is ‘sustenance’. You know you are old when you start talking about sustenance. Seriously. It’s more related to survival. And giving in I guess. Succumbing to your circumstances. But somewhere it is maturity as well. Well let’s not go around in circle. Where is the circle?

Yeah, so working late everyday is not sustainable. Being frustrated is not sustainable. Smoking all day empty stomach is not sustainable. Being angry is not sustainable. Enough of examples already. I want to move to that phase now where I have mediocre, thermodynamically feasible goals. After so many days, I think I am finally in mood of sounding funny.

I am sitting little far from my team now. I think that has definitely reduced the stress level. Seriously, you think few things are nonsense and they work as a charm. Duriyaan hain jaroori.

Also, I was talking to chaure who is in London by the way. First one of us to have flown abroad. So he called me. I mentioned that he was the first one to fly abroad. He said ‘sorry dost. Tumse pahle chala aaya’ in not very sarcastic tone. And I said ‘its ok. I am..’ and I stopped after ‘am’ and he said that ‘kyun ruk gaye dost? I am proud kahne wale the kya?’. And yes that was what I wanted to say.

Seriously, chaure is mind-blowing.

2011-06-23T23:19:00.002+05:30

seems like a long time. also seems like few of my posts are deleted - the feeling that the posts at the top were written ages ago.

anyway, where was i? so she left the company. i wanted to ask her to join me for lunch or whatever. but i think i did well to not complicate things and having left her alone.

i have talked just about her in the blog i guess. expect for one off instances.

i want to talk about others. i am going through a different phase i guess. there is one who is married and is the closest to royalty.

and i am beginning my second inning as a full time project manager. i know i will forget about sas. but i have felt what it means to know that you are the best on one of the fields. and that feeling is awesome.

2011-05-16T21:17:00.000+05:30

I have to get done with this in 15 minutes. In fact I think I should complete it in 5 minutes.

This is my kind of start to a post.

Anyway, like it has been for past few posts, even this post will be loaded with heavy dose of philosophy. Anyway, where was I? I am listening to Romeo and Juliet. Isn’t it just wonderful?

There was a phase when I was fascinated with phrases. There is this phase now when I am fascinated by words. Is that part of evolution? What is evolution by the way? More importantly how do we differentiate between evolution and degradation. Anyway, this will be material for another post. Now is the time to talk about words.

But before that I have had some phrases borrowed from our SVP and I would like to remember them. In one of the training meeting – he elaborated on what is meant by ‘comfortable under your skin’. Will you be comfortable under your skin – if you are naked? – he added.

He also talked about how ‘truth should not come in the way of expressing it’. I think I didn’t hear it properly and I improvised.

Coming back to words – ‘consistency’ is another word that I am fascinated with recently. Most of our behavioral patterns are explainable when we look for consistency. People have related consistency of your treatment of other people with your idea of justice. Prejudiced, are we?

‘Admiration’ I have talked about before.

Here goes the beep. And here go I.

2011-05-04T23:49:00.002+05:30

i am reading a lot on 'quality' lately. you know, like, we all want to be good, but what exactly is 'good'? is it relative or is there an absolute 'good'? this all started when i completed reading zen and art of motorcycle maintenance. i did not understand it completely but still there is someone who thought about this question and took the trouble of writing a book that was rejected by 20 publishers. i can only guess the reason for rejection.

anyway, i just completed reading another book, lila, by the same author. here he talks about morality. as the author even i think there is a direct connection between quality and morality. morality, the guiding force of a society thrives (should thrive) to preserve what is good.

anyway, i get 'what are you always thinking?' a lot from many people lately. i don't take it as a compliment anymore.

i had some more thoughts on communication. the need of it. and how it should never be undervalued. there are two parts to it if you undervalue it. one, you think you have something to say that nobody can understand. a misplaced sense of superiority. two, you just lack that drive to connect to another human being. only real time experience can correct your theoretical knowledge you picked from all those books. plus what else is exciting in life except for those moments when you connect. human existence will always need validation.

amongst all this philosophical thinking about quality and life, i hope i dont take myself too seriously. i tend to do that very often. one of the reasons i get very impatient lately.

and i wanted to write about you. i know you have asked me to write about you before. every time i think that i have you figured, you have me shaken up. you think that you are the mature one between us - which is exactly what i think about myself.

2011-04-03T23:02:00.002+05:30

its been some time since i have been thinking about the human need to communicate. you know i have always been told that i needed to improve my communication. yeah, in those one-on-ones, where it is mandatory to always tell people improvements area. i can appreciate it more now that i am on other side of table. yeah i am almost a manager now. hehe. (that is one joke that i have cracked in a long time!)

anyway, coming back to point. communication. earlier i thought that it was because of 'that' lag when i tried talking in english. but my written english is quite good as you all have already witnessed by now. (thats two in a row. and btw this does not disprove the hypothesis.)

but lately, i have discovered multiple layers of communication and it all comes down to trust i guess. trust that the person will be able to understand what you want to say. and its a thin line. quite often it leads to presumption. that the person already understands that you want to say. otherwise, that the person will never understand what you want to say. and there is 'lost in translation' shit that i have talked about earlier.

anyway, the point is that i have stopped caring so much about my bad communication skill mainly because my lack of faith in people. and that is not good.

in a side news, i was talking to chaure today and he told me about this dream that he has had. he went to a girls place. then the girl insisted that he teaches him some subject. something happened as he was teaching her and they started kissing. french kissing to be specific. and it was all too confusing to him. he thought that he was having a dream within the dream when he kissed the girl. sarafat ki imtihaan ho gayee. i told him that he will have to go to level 4 if the dream involved a sequence with more than kissing in it.

i also wanted to talk about nature of admiration. how it can bond people when the center of admiration for them is the same person. and how it can create friction if two persons are competing for same admiration. its funny at times.

2011-03-21T00:20:00.003+05:30

Today, I was extremely sad. The whole day. I could not go home. Everyone called and told me that they missed me. Work Sux big time. I feel like quitting it all. I know for sure that it is not worth it at all.

then i thot. and i realized that i will never be happy again. i was watching 'Touch' and i knew that i will never be able to sit on a bench in front of a garden and be happy knowing that I exist. Its been so long that I connected with a fellow human being. Most of the time i am in front of my laptop. Rest of the time in front of TV. Rest of the time mobile. Rest of the time I am trying to sleep. Rest of the time I am trying to read.

my list of resolution, mostly quit -
1. smoking
2. watching tv
3. late night work hours
4. watching porn
5. self persecution

do -
1. breath
2. talk
3. just know that you are not a president running a country
4.

2011-02-20T22:39:00.003+05:30

There is so much going on in life. Sometimes I feel I am making it a way bigger deal than it actually is. Anyway, its all part of the learning.

Again, I am thinking whether to give context or not. If you provide enough context almost everything can be justified. And that I think is not good. I have never appreciated both sides of the coin better.

I was going through my blog recently. And I thought that it was quite a blog. And then I thought what happens if I lose it. I searched for how to take back-up of a blog. Anyway, the whole thing sounds stupid. (Cos I could save them in my email..but then I will have to take back up of my emails and so on..)

And I am again working crazy hours now. But this time, I am quite uneasy. Every minute I think if I should quit it all. I never though that recent incidences will have this much effect on me. For my own sake, I think I should write some more.

...

I just thought for whole 60 seconds and I think I will be bored to death if I wrote it all.

Anyway, I am going through this mood changes in office lately. I don't like it. I should not do that anymore. It gives me a feeling of fakeness. Both ways. If I am playing serious, I always think that the attention seeker in me is doing it. But if I am not serious, then I am basically not being me.

This blog post sucks. When I started writing this, I thought I will get fan emails from all over the world. Not happening anymore.

Human race has come a long way. So much has gone into establishing the systems, it will be hard to think that there was a time they did not exist. Governments, traffic systems, corporates! Who could think all this?! The world will end soon. Human race is the most logical weapon to take on such a mammoth task.

I love philosophy. I think that would play a big part in me deciding which of the millions of girls out there I marry. Yeah, I think I will marry. Or may be not.

Aah. Its been long that I went to theater to watch a movie. I think I should go.

2011-01-24T23:00:00.000+05:30

I don’t know whether I should write down tiny winy details of it..especially if I am not sure if I want to remember them. Or maybe I do. The idea is to ignore it till it fades away. But there will always be this feeling of loss. (I know. I miss the days when I used to write for the sake of it. )

I was going through some of the older posts. She is there everywhere. (denial is a proof.. but acknowledgement is worse!)

It must have been the day I realized she was not one of the kids. Shit. It was May, I guess. For a good part of 2010.

Then those eyes.. who kya cheez thi, mila ke nazar pila dee.

And the smile.. powerful enough to force me to write this. Reminds me of the earlier times. Good times.

She so rocks my world.

Additional points –
1) About a week now since I have quit smoking. Let there be bigger occasions.
2) I have wanted to write so much about sanjeev, tapan and anna. They are my brothers. Especially numerous trips that we have made in past one year. Munnar, Hogekennal, Pondicherry. Many late night drives with sanjeev. Daaru parties. Discussions. Fundes. Poker. Cricket.
3) And you.

2011-01-13T01:09:00.002+05:30

'well?'
'well.. when i was a kid, in one of those 'moral lessons' book, i read that try correcting five things that you found were not right every day. i took it rather seriously.'
'so every single day?'
'for the first six months. i thought i had fixed everything.'
'and now?'
'i can invariably identify when something is going wrong.'
'and?'
'and i get this urge to fix it. but now i have more control.'
'must have been very difficult?'
'yes.. it was. but mainly because i lacked maturity. somethings can not be fixed in one day. some things will go worse if you try fixing them. some things can not be fixed. and its such a difficult task correctly identifying what belongs to which category. initially it was fun. i was a kid. and the wrongness was so well defined.'

2011-01-11T00:18:00.003+05:30

i hope this could be a post that i am writing just for the heck of it. but as i keep on saying..those days are gone. and i should accept it. being aware is the only option.

so.. whats up with me? i guess i need to work hard. like work really hard. and prove a point to myself.

and i need to try to be more grateful and generally happy. may be these are the best years.

and i need some perspective. i have developed this ability where i am not actually listening. i should listen.

and i should in general not try to please any one. i am not good at it at all.

2010-12-31T19:05:00.005+05:30

Naye saal ka pahla jaam.. Aapke naam..

We need to be good at summarizing. 2010 was a good year.

Met some of the most interesting people. Wrote mind-numbing SAS programs. Cracked some of the super-awesome jokes of the year. And became aware of her. Which basically defines 2010 as the year of awareness.

And here is the last phrase for the year without any explanation - 'Do you feel entitled or do you feel grateful'?

2010-12-19T23:36:00.002+05:30

I had this realization. That if I toned down my sense of humor a bit, I could be irresistible to gals.

I also had some more realizations. I am talking too much these days. Worse, I am text messaging much these days. I think its a consequence to my innate weakness of pleasing everyone.

And have I talked about my inability to sleep for months now. I think its the general view across my friends that the days are gone that you could sleep and start a day afresh. For me, its the hyperactivity of my mind I guess. Its like a TV that I can not switch off.

I am also trying to fight off my desire to be at the center of affairs. It makes me feel pathetic.

I now know for sure that my ignorance has been my strength all this while. There were times where I did things because I knew that not doing them were not an option. But now the awareness of alternatives have diluted that drive.

Living life in extreme is quite easy. Caring completely and not caring at all is easy. Its fine-tuning life that is difficult.

2010-12-08T23:30:00.002+05:30

Random lines
1. No comments. Only compliments!
2. For laughing at my jokes.

Context?? naah. Unnecessary dilution of borrowed originality.

Anyway, I write after so many days. And I am playing safe. Not good.

Anyway, I did ask her. Originally the plan was to ask her as if it was the most natural thing for me to do. But I think I am born honest. I knew that it was weird and I said that it was weird. Crap! I can literally write what not to do when asking someone out.

Anyway, she is such a class act. Makes me feel like a kid.

But I am little less restless now. In fact, I am a lot better.

And for this two-three months, I have worked with these guys. Not kids. All grown-ups. And it was such fun. Seriously. They deserve a special mention. You know when people see you and they draw a smile..isn't it just so so great when you know that they are actually happy seeing you. I can not describe the feeling.

With the team that I have I should be a pretty happy man. And may be I am. But as Agent Smith says, 'Human beings define their reality through misery.'

And so what do I want to do in life? Such questions demand ambiguous answers. I think I just want to be a tough act to follow.

2010-11-30T23:35:00.002+05:30

Swami Vivekanand writes in his autobiography of traveling Kashmir and feeling intense anguish on seeing the desecration of innumerable temples by invaders. He fell at the feet of divine mother in a Kali temple and asked, 'How could you let this happen, Mother? Why did you permit this desecration?' In response, the Divine Mother appeared in his heart and admonished him 'What is it to you, Vivekanand, if the invader breaks my images? Do you protect me, or do I protect you?'

(Open Page, The Hindu, Nov 28, 2010)

2010-11-25T20:44:00.002+05:30

As I Walked Out One Evening
by W. H. Auden

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
'Love has no ending.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

'I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

'The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
'O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

'In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

'In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

'Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

'O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

'The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

'Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

'O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

2010-11-15T23:22:00.002+05:30

What's with these songs? Such beautiful lyrics. Were they all in love?? It makes one wonder.

Tu is tarah se meri zindagi mein shamil hai,
Jahan bhi jaaun, yeh lagta hai, teri mahfil hai.

It's been my theme song for two consecutive phases now. One, when I suddenly realized that I liked the smell of smoke. And the phase that I am right now in.

It gets better.

Yeh aasmaan, yeh baadal, yeh raaste yeh hawaa,
Harek cheez hai apni jagah thikaane se.
Kai dino se shikayat nahi jammane se.

And all the other songs have a new flavor to them because of her. I should seriously write her down before it gets contaminated. You see I could have never written last line. Before killing myself that is.

I could write a post a day for her.

2010-11-12T20:41:00.000+05:30

So this is what it does to you. I would like to think of them as indicators. Indicators that are just trying to consolidate my resolve. I find her everywhere. I was on the airport. And she was there. For a brief moment I laughed at myself. Thinking that it can’t be and it’s just part of my imagination. But then with each passing moment, she became more of her. The way she flicked her hair. The way she smiled. The way she looked (at things around her). I actually walked up to her. Can you believe that? Of course, only to find that she was not her. I should have talked to her anyways. This one would have been my backup plan in case she couldn’t be with me. But seriously, the moment I was sitting right in front of her, I was so scared of this feeling of such mammoth force. And I was more scared because I was walking this unknown territory with my own false perception of maturity.

But she has made me aware of her in ways that no one else has been able to. Seriously.

2010-09-17T23:09:00.009+05:30

I should just shut my trap up. I need more control. I hope the new levels of emotions I feel is not general extension of this losing-my-control phenomenon.

Anyway, should I or should I not? May be I should. The fact that I am thinking twice is a reason good enough.

It's been on very specific occasions that I have written about someone else in my blog.

I know. After almost 4 years with this blog, I have finally made peace with it. And I write this post, with a sense of belongingness that I have with old friends. Like Phaedrus had with his motorcycle I guess.

I am not going to write about blog. I am going to write about my team.
So this team that I work with. Is full of girls. And given that I have been with the company for more than three years, I have a sense of self-righteousness and lack of respect bordering to contempt for political correctness. You know as I write this, I feel like a coward looking out for ways to hide something. shit man. after years of self-evaluation the closest I find myself to is the word cowardice. Not a good feeling but finally I am aware atleast.

So this team of girls, mostly the ones who are junior to me in age and experience. I think I will never tell them that how special they have made me feel at times. (There are boys as well..but lets not waste ink here.) To the levels that I belived for quite sometime that I had a refined sense of humor. The only thing thats stopping me from recounting instances is my own belief that I can not do justice. They are special and I hope they are as happy as I believe them to be.

Anyway, there is this girl. And she seems wise beyond her years. And she is not amongst the one that I talked above about. She is so hot in her own subtle ways. She seems like someone who has got a nice story to tell. I am thinking about asking her out. Only if I did not have this very low self steam, I would already have. I hope I do.

2010-09-01T20:53:00.003+05:30

'Contempt' seems to be my word for the year. Contempt is what I feel for the things that I deserve and the things I dont.

Anyway. Finally completed reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I would have said that I loved it but the author will feel contempt for the generic nature of the response and somehow he seems like someone whose opinion should be given some importance. So I will just say that the book got me thinking. The book was lent to me by a friend. Seriously, if you want to be remembered - lend a good book and make sure its read. Anyway, he said that it was a life changing book. And so I am not sleeping for past few days. You dont want to be sleeping while your life changes. See..I feel contempt for cracking jokes everytime.

The book discusses about a problem - 'stuckness'. And I got stuck right there. So I started re-reading the whole book. And it seemed so smooth in the second reading when I was looking for answers of specific questions I had pondering about the point of the book. I would have liked to write some more on my take on the book to give the impression that i completely got it..but now I cant, can I?

Anyway, you should understand that I wrote so much about the book here so that you would read it.

'It's an old split. Like the one between art and art history. One does it and one talks about how it's done and the talk about how it's done never seems to match how one does it.'

2010-08-03T20:37:00.001+05:30

Just watched some dance videos from college. It must feel so high - dancing. And here I am - getting high on writing SAS programs (it made me think). It’s not too bad I hope. Anyway, I feel so saturated nowadays - the feeling that there is no new thing to be done. I hate the feeling. Someday, I will study psychology. Someday, I will write a poem. Someday, I will read all this and feel that I never had the courage.

Anyway, I also suddenly see my convictions challenged, my methods changing. I have believed in chaos of thoughts for sometime. Perfection of the evaluator. Cynical idealism. Abstract and unexplained ideas. That ‘lost in translation’ crap that has stopped me from conveying them to the others or myself. But I think I am giving it a shot now - to not being presumptuous or charitable. Someday I will not be afraid and I will be free. That last line was intentionally random.

You know I am a fighter. I am fighting the urge of deleting everything written above because I know I am writing it for you. Are you impressed? I don’t care I guess. But denial is always a proof. And that is why I am not deleting it.

I also wanted to write about something else. Yeah - you know those ‘perfect match’ sections in those social networking site? I would have written ‘where familiarity does not breed contempt’. Smells of originality?? But still stinks.

2010-06-24T21:18:00.000+05:30

I suddenly feel like writing this. Many people have left the company. I don’t like it at all. I am very ignorant by the way. But once in a while, you find people that you don’t want to lose.

Shit. I never thought I will start a post like this. It’s become an infinite loop kinda problem. I mean I don’t want to write because I think there is no need of writing. And then I want to remember this and I say I write it down anyway. But then I want to write minimum and drawing the line for minimum is absolutely difficult.

For example, I feel like going ahead and deleting whatever I wrote. But then its been so long that I posted something. But surely I have become impatient – with myself and others.

Anyway, I wanted to write this post to talk about this friend who left the company few days ago. He said that he thought I was a ‘better him’ and I was not sure if that was a complement. But he is from IIMK and sent me songs like Romeo and Juliet and To Moon & Back. So I think it should be complement.

Anyway, I am going peripheral again. Shit.

So like few months back, we are on this resort for a team outing. And everything is almost fine. But then they take us to this dance floor and ask us to dance. And I am like.. I cant watch myself dance..how can I torture other people. Anyway, the overall idea is that it all seems so bloody forced. And the sad part is that you eventually get so used to it that you don’t even realize that it is forced.

Anyway, so I come out for a smoke. And there is this guy sitting there smoking. We have not been introduced formally. So I go few steps ahead and start my sutta break. And then after completing his smoke he comes to me and says whether he could share my smoke. And I say yes. And then we start talking. It was like in a movie.

So we start talking about life. How seeking enjoyment (happiness would have been much stronger a word) could be depressing. You know the moments that you know that you have connected with someone and you stop bullshitting and say the truth. It was such a conversation. I want to remember that for rest of my life.

And then for few days I avoided him intentionally. I am still fearful about my sexuality rather. (I just get this feeling now, that 100 years later people will come across this text to decipher the mystery behind greatness that was me, and they will conclude that I was gay!)

And then we became normal. People connected to each other by the need of a cigarette. And as they say..rest is not history yet.

By the way..the earlier part of this post was written few days before. And rest I completed just now.

And the event that triggered the completion was one of frustration. You know you get frustrated and you start solving math problems. I get frustrated and I listen to lady gaga’ bad romance. Then I get some more depressed and then I write this.

But the tragic event was the realization that I have been frustrated for few days now. I need a break. I have been on loose. I need some self control.

2010-03-06T01:37:00.002+05:30

i suddenly realised. may be this are the most productive days of my life. or is it just this age. i am almost 25. i am in that phase of my life i guess. where finally i know how stupid i was before.. and where i kind of imagine myself looking at this post in another 10 years and saying..'aah! boy, i was annoyingly stupid.'.

i just asked the man the other day to stop bringing times of india and start bringing the hindu. and it felt good.

i guess its the age. you know you define your moral boundary sort of stuff. and i guess its the work as well. i would have said that may be i am happy but i am superstitious with that sort of stuff.

and we are watching ab tak chappan and guru in parallel. and whenever this friend of mine has the remote and guru is coming on some channel, he makes it point that we see it. and this thot came to my mind, that may be he does it to make sure that i watch it. of course, this story would have sounded romantic instead of gay, if my roomie was a girl. but i like the idea. i will include it when i make my movie.

and i am reading three men on (in??) a boat. man its funny.

2010-02-26T20:02:00.001+05:30

I am unusually happy lately. And I hate this part – the moment I become aware of this ‘unusual’ happiness. I hope I will evolve to someone who would not crib about being aware of happiness.

And I wish I would have the patience and wisdom of writing down the events that lead to the awareness. I guess I am just trying to protect my individuality – you know with each passing day, you lose a part of the original you and crap of such high caliber.

And I should also give up the idea of always writing original and meaningful. In short term, nothing is meaningful anyway.

2010-02-04T15:42:00.000+05:30

Well, For what it's worth,...

To me the whole sense of this thread having a back and forth over who's the Bad Guy
or How Bad were the Good Guys compared to the *really* Bad Guys wuold give the Director
and Writers a lot of pleasure. Why? Because I think that this ambiguity is precisely
The Point of the whole movie.

Each man presents himself as a Liar. A Liar to themselves about thier own character:
The Kid lies from the get go about being a ruthless Killer.
The Sheriff lies about preserving Justice when all he practices is sadistic tyranny.
English Bob lies about being a Famous Desperado when he's just a Hired Thug & Braggart.
William Munny lies about being Decent & Reformed when Greed and Revenge reveal his
hypocritical slide to become a Muderous and Drunken Monster (at least briefly).
Even Ned - perhaps the most "true blue" -lies about his abilities as a Killer and tries
to run home. How ironic it is when he needs to make his own brand of "money shot" !
At least Ned dies for a friend though even there he talks after torture.

It is also ironic that the two perhaps most slimey characters, English Bob & Beauchamp
survive to basically go right back to what they did before and never express repentence
of any sort. Their Cowardice is revealed but never punished - English Bob's beating is
more disfiguring than crippling and serves to better show his miserable true self. Both
are Ugly Men. They are Scavengers and Bottom Feeders rather than the Predators they wish
to be.

But the central ambiguity of the movie has to be that between Little Bob & Munny.
Munny is clearly positioned in the film where the "Hero" ought to be but his actions
inevitably reveal his capacity for the monstrous. Little Bob ought to be the "Bad Guy"
for his sadism - especially of Ned. But he is the Sheriff and he constantly remarks
on things on a way that display understanding of the way the Real World works around him,
his crafty judgements of danger, and finally he seems to truely not fear Death when it
comes. None of this fits with the desperate, craven, or blind arrogance we expect from
our Bad Guys.

So what's *my* take on it all?
The ambiguity of all these characters revolves around each's own personal dance with EVIL.
The Kid flirts with it. English bob and Beauchamp hide from it in cowardice but support
or exploit others' fear of it nonetheless. Ned at first denies it by rationalizing the
Bounty Hunt but tries to flee from it and dies.

Only Munny and Little bob walk upright into thier destinies without fear or repentance of
any kind. Little Bob pays for his sadism with his life, the End of Munny is not quite made
clear. Supposedly he "settles down" to what his wife gave herself to bring him to at the
cost of her own life - Reform. But it is uncertain and unproven by film's end. The film
seems to side with Munny in that Vengence brings him to his Evil Deeds but Little Bob
accepts Evil as a Necessity of Life - a tool which he tries to wield for his own devices,
but one that he ultimately fails with just as he also proves himself to the "worst damn
carpenter." He is Destroyer, not Builder. He just kids himself otherwise.

FWIW,

Andrew
(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105695/board/nest/154589055?p=2)

good times!

2010-01-30T00:38:00.003+05:30

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever, no

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Somethimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

Standin' on a mama's porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

2010-01-18T00:30:00.003+05:30

14th Jan 2007. i was offered this job. three years already. damn.

2010. we are growing very old. for good i guess. i like getting old.

damn. i had so much to talk about. cant think of anything now.

i once saw this interview of devanand with simi garewal. she asked him - 'why did you leave your town and came all the way up to bombay to become an actor?'. he said - 'i dont know. i must have looked myself in the mirror.'. i like devanand. i watched him in 'guide' sometime back. the man, sure, was ahead of his time.

i am thinking about buying some books on human psychology or may be on philosophy. saw 'a good year'. thought of buying a farmhouse and a vineyard. most of the things that make a man happy are free. i would be lying if i said i want more money to be happy. but more money is always good.

what else? i have become aware of so many things lately. i just wish that this will not turn me into an indifferent person. i remember this interview where they throw a word at you and you say a word that sums your ideas about the said word. so mithun da was asked to respond to the word 'life' and he said 'incomplete'.

you see i educate myself by watching movies. but still so much time and money is wasted bcus of movies.

i surely did not want to write all this that i have written. what i wanted to write, may be, will never get written.

you know those quotes..'live each day as if it was last day of your life'. each of the blog posts that i read again, make me feel as if i had meant that to be my last post.

i will write down some more lines. so that the last para does not come out as sort of a punch line. i think i will sleep now. i hope i get a blow job in my dream.

2010-01-02T22:16:00.003+05:30

Akeelah: [quoting Marianne Williamson] Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

You should watch Akeelah and The Bee btw. We are all shit scared. I am shit scared that I will become a cynical, nothing-means-nothing, proud-of-being-a-pseudo intellectual-with-a-large-follwoing someday if I continue to analyse every situation so objectively (my own biased opinion, ofcourse!) and die a virgin.

I said I have become very quotable few posts ago. I get these ideas all the time that keep me awake in night. I am scared that may be my mind is at it's functional peak right now and I should use it while I can. I have said it before that I have a very short short-time-memory. The only problem is the surrounding. I am so susceptible to my surroundings.

And I have confidence in patches. There are things that I am terrible at. There are things that I am terribly good at. And then there are things that I think I am terribly good at. I have seen my hands shake talking to strangers on phone.

Anyway, where am I going with all this?
I remember about making some decisions on not watching any big budget movie on theater. especially after going through 3 Idiots writing credit controversy. We are such idiots.
I also had some life changing realization about the nature of power. With great power comes great responsibility. Everybody has heard it. But power is not static or absolute. those, who don't deserve it, will eventually be eliminated from the system. And the way you prove that you are deserving of it is by being responsible. I loved this Japanese Anime series called Bleach and in one of the episodes the protagonist is taught that 'Fear is what keeps one from winning a battle'. Its bothways. You are either scared of getting killed. Or getting yourself to kill. one of the best dialogues was when the protagonist is told that Those with power will eventually be drawn to battles. And that point in time, you can not afford the choice of not fighting. 'Jo tathasth hain, waqt likhega unka bhi itihaas'. I had read that as Skype status.

But for the time being, I am laid back. I lack faith. I dont think I can make much difference. But I know I will have my moments. And I will be up to it.

2009-12-31T02:04:00.002+05:30

a new year post will be too dramatic, i know.

but i think it was a good year. i have become more aware of my inner and outer worlds. my ee-he-nglish has improved for sure. and i have become more tolerant of my stupid and smart decisions.

i am not the one who advocates talking too much about himself.

there will be extreme moments of desperation and frustration, but lets just hope we remember that its always good to be alive.

Captain Renault: [to Ilsa] I was informed that you were the most beautiful woman ever to visit Casablanca. That was a gross understatement.

2009-12-17T02:29:00.003+05:30

17th December, is it? I feel sad. And I want to remember it. K I A.

my sister cleared NET. So that is a good news.I want to remember that as well.

it's about time that we take responsibility of our actions. sorry. its about time that i take responsibility of my actions. and dont feel sorry about it. i want to be anything but sulky. we are all decaying organic matter, remember?

yun hee baras baras kali ghata barase
hum yaar bheeng jaayein
iss chahat ki baarish mein
meri khuli khuli lathon ko suljhaaye
tu apni ungliyon se
main toh hun isshi khwahis mein..

2009-12-01T14:59:00.001+05:30

“However the City of Boston, played largely by itself, is convincing.”

Haha. I love reading reviews of the movies on IMDB by users. It establishes your faith in human intellect and serves as the reality check – you know like..There are people smarter and funnier than you are.

So, this particular quoted line was written in one of the many reviews for ‘The Departed’. I am a fan of the movie btw. But, then I read these reviews. And my faith in my own intellect is volatile and I now know for sure that the movie would not be as great as I had taken it for in my first viewing.

So there are few things that I must write about.

So few weeks back, Chaure visited me. We were four friends together and we went to the pizza hut to obviously eat pizzas. So there was this waitress (for lack of a better word) who attended to us. She took our orders with a smile, came after some time after taking our orders to inform us that it would take ten more minutes. I think she served us as well. Anyway, the point is that she took good care of us. And when she came to give us the bill, we found hand-written ‘it was a pleasure! J’ on it. We said that ‘apna number nahi diya yaar’ and laughed. Chaure brought it to our notice that the girl was standing just behind us and we should watch our mouths. Anyway, so we tipped her 50 bucks (we should have given her 100!) and returned while she held the door open again with a smile. Pizza huut girl - whoever you are – I just want to tell you that we all love you from bottom of our hearts. You made our day!

That was like four week before btw! And I wanted to write it. and now its written.

So we went and watched Tum Mile. I had always wanted to watch Imran ‘Chummi Singh’ Hashmi’s movies. And so I watached Tum Mile. I was so depressed watching the movie that I took the oath of not watching any movies in theatre any more. I think I am generally pissed at the artificialness of the whole ‘shit-but-pretending-to-be-more’ movies. More over, I think I am generally pissed for not being able to enjoy mediocre movies. When I watched ‘Kidnap’ by paying 315 bucks, I at least enjoyed watching seeing Mannisha Lamba and whatever she was willing to show on screen. I could not do that here even when I had more of the opportunity here with Soha Ali Khan. This movie actually made me realize the implication of freedom of expression and the necessity to monitor its exploitation. You produce something and its there to stay. Its not good enough to have faith in people’s ability to judge whats appropriate for them. You produce shit and its going to stink.

Anyway, I did watch Kurbaan and actually liked it. Good job overall.

Anyway, so I have become very quotable lately. At least in my own opinion. ‘Life, at least in short term, is not fair’. Earlier, it was just ‘Life is not fair’.

Me and my friend were once standing outside of the office and it started raining in the full sunshine. He said he wanted to see ‘money’ fall down from sky. I said ‘water is most easily the most valuable thing in earth’. Seriously. Most important things in life are often free. And just so we are not very bored by the predictability of the blog here is a quote from Fight Club.

Tyler Durden: “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

2009-11-02T16:44:00.004+05:30

it was long back. i think i know why i remembered it. anyway reason is not important. whats important is whats followed. as usual we were browsing through channel - which is what always happens if we are not watching matches, we dont watch TV.. we browse it. So we stopped and started watching this movie. i cant remember the name of it. but it was unique and creative and totally realistic. where do we see such movies?! so about the plot. a tv channel comes with a unique idea of making a reality show where a boy and girl were to fall in love. and in case they actually fall in love, the channel will offer then a crore on the condition that they will not see each other again. and hence testing the value of love. i said earlier..it was way too much realistic.

however i am not going to go too deep. there is not enuf depth in the plot to go deep in anyway.

so the hero in the movie is more of a boy. he goes to rent a movie CD with his friend, gets an english adult movie, collides with the father of the heroine, hears some lecture on the movie - how they should watch old hindi movies with a message - and as prank, exchanges his adult movie's CD with the old hindi movie CD that heroine ka baap had rented.

yeah. funny. right. so the father of heroine sits with his family to enjoy his old hindi movie.

why am i telling you all this??? because for a macro second we get to see the TV on which the movie is played. and BANG! we knew it was Poison Ivy - The New Seduction. Such is our knowledge of adult movies. we were quite impressed by it.

i wanted to write so many other things. but the crap above has taken much of my time and space of this post.

i will anyway write about my findings on beginner's luck. which i have come to know after playing poker. i think the conventional wisdom can be explained most of the time. as in this case, the beginners are new to the system, new to the rules. they go more on their instinct. their vision less blurred by the process established to reach the goal. and hence the success. and that is why it is never advised that you get an MBA if you want to do big in your life. i dont want to do big in my life. i think i will get an MBA.

i also wanted to write about some jokes that are not funny. and it could be vital to know the difference.

2009-10-04T02:42:00.002+05:30

did you notice that 'if' is the middle word in life?

well i had not. only if.

so i finally finished catcher in the rye. if you want to know more about a person you read his favourite book. you want to know more about yourself, you re-read your favourite book.

kuch jyada hee originality ho gayee.

so one of my friends from iit is here on his RA ship assignment. i used to hate these guys who would leave their jobs for higher studies. makes you feel that they have some plan. anyway, so i went with him to forum and he told me that he is going to meet a childhood female friend. so one thing that i will remember and may be they will remember as well is that i went twice to take a leak.

anyway, that was not what i wanted to write about. so this friend of mine went to rest room as well and i was left with her. i asked her if she wanted something to eat. she said no. she asked if i was a very close friend of my friend. and that had me thinking for some time. but i finally came with the best answer. i told her that we actually had a very close common friend.

in other news i am going home this diwali. i had booked my train tickets and i was to leave bangalore on tuesday. you see we have only one weekly train that runs on tuesday. but when i applied for leave i took leave from monday onwards thinking that may be i will book another train that runs on saturday. i will go till nagpur may be and then take a train onwaards to raipur.

and i was pretty tensed about it. so much damn planning. and i thot abt it the whole night. and then i said WTF!!! i booked flight tickets to raipur the next day. i will be home on saturday itself now.

on a side note, i just want to thank wives of my friends for packing my lunch along with their husbands'. i get a hard time getting used to the word 'bhabhi'.

2009-09-25T22:58:00.003+05:30

i know. i was away and you missed me.

you might get the impression that i am talking to this damn (how insensitive!) blog but no, i am talking to you.

so what's up with me? as i said i am on the path of re discovering myself. literally.

i have grown. i wish i had grown in height though. or around my biceps. i am not funny at all.

now i know that i am not trying for CAT for at least two years. and i know that i have to work in the field that i am working in. i will occasionally miss chemical (which kind of sound like alchemy..oh and i have watched The Alchemist btw..) engineering but i don't think i will blame myself for not doing anything. its mostly because i started playing spider solitaire. and it hit me. you really dont have to come with the best options. all you need to have is a OK option taken well within time. it is good enough plan to live the life. i am sure there will be a time when i would know for sure my best option and tht would be that. i did not sound intelligent at all. but thats ok. i will have my time.

so i basically want to right things that i think are original. among a lot of BS ofcourse. so that its originality is well appreciated. so i was laying down in my attempt to get some sleep, and i heard 'dil cheez hai kya.. aap meri jaan lijiye' and it hit me again. it was so damn perfect. like tea at the right temperature. so i am making a list of 'perfect' encounters i have had so far. TEA and SONG. thts two in the list.

and i have tried taking initiatives. hehe. corny!!

yeah, so i have made it a point now that i do things that i have always wanted to. you can send emails (from outlook) using excel. did you know that? even when you do know how it can be done, do you know how to override the security warning. i really dont give much damn, if you understand me?? do i?

i will be good.

2009-09-01T19:14:00.002+05:30

i feel i have matured. just now i took an IQ test to prove once and all that i was a genius. it turned out that i was only above average. but i can always question the validity of the test conducted. but it was a good test. it was a test that i am sure you are aware of. they will show eight pictures with place of ninth picture blank. you will be given some 6 options and you will have to pick the one that fits in overall schema.

yes. it was a good test. it got me thinking. intelligence is basically about identifying patterns. learning, is the other name for it, is it??!

yes. so i think one sure sign of getting matured is to be able to pick right options in your life. being able to identify the patterns.

and getting matured is more about taking your job seriously. taking your own decisions. and getting the priorities right basically.

and being able to understand the meaning of phrases or incidences that you never gave second thoughts to. i have always found 'lost in translation' a fascinating phrase. you speak something and then if it is said again, we have lost something in between. but what exactly is 'translation'?? you feel something, then you express it. isnt that a translation of some sort. so if we assume that there is always something lost while we translate, we have never expressed ourselves completely, have we? so what can we do? either, we can give up respecting the futility of each attempt - in order to keep the 'feeling' safe, unadulterated; or we keep trying unless we come very close to expressing what we knew we felt.

dhen te nan!

2009-08-16T01:36:00.005+05:30

you know how people list down the things they want to do before they turn 30?!

we went and watched kaminey today. swine flu. shit.

i have a major communication problem. and its worse that i have acknowledged it.

but i think i know where the problem is. i assume. i stop in between thinking that the next person has understood what i was about to speak. i also tend to interrupt the speaker assuming that i have understood what they wanted to say.

and it is quite visible in this blog as well. i am not bothered at all if the readers understand a bit about what i am writing. but here at least i can pretend that i dont give a damn.

anyway. i havw finally figured the first item in my to-do list before i die. i want to shout 'bharat mata ki jay' right after the national anthem is played in a movie theatre.

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2009-07-30T20:35:00.003+05:30

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Name - Kishan
Mobile - 9901850543

I will type in keywords that will attract people to this page -
North Indian Food, Cook, Bangalore, bawarchi, khana pakane wala, Kormangala, Domlur, Marathalli

2009-07-20T22:32:00.000+05:30

I want to write something funny. But after becoming 24 I don’t feel that need to impress the crowd. But I still want to write something funny. Gotta remind myself.

I am sure if I had not written the above line and just gone ahead with whatever funny – crap I had, it would have been nice. But then I like starting from the start. I used to read prefaces of my text books. Who does that?!

We take things for so bloody granted. And it turns out that we do quite ok with all the assumptions and ignorance. What were the chances that I would know you – but I do. And aren’t you just happy that you know a wonderful and brilliant personality like me?! I don’t like quoting someone. I would rather forge it as something my own. But still our VP once - in one of those sessions which are supposed to prove the authority - quite casually said that life is a truth table. So many things have to go right to have a job successfully completed. And I liked that.

And what the fuck are our priorities??! Seriously. Most useless things occupy our minds for most of the times. Yes, I am talking on everyone’s behalf. Our happiness is so much dependent on others. Our existence needs validation. We are so confused. Experimenting in our urge to discover ourselves. And that sounds ok. Right! But what exactly is ours? what is something that makes us happy. And it will make you happy whenever you see it. It can be taken away from you. But you will still feel happy thinking about it. Yes – now I will give examples like – solving a really tough physics problem or the thought of having a smoke with a friend in staff canteen – and people will think of the anticlimax and how I could not justify the build up.

Boy1! I am on a roll!

2009-07-16T12:46:00.000+05:30

Why is starting a post so difficult?

I was thinking about the nature of anonymous comments. Don’t you just love them?! I used to be an anonymous commentator when I believed that commenting on someone’s space for publicity was sin. And that was the case for more than a year or two. Anyway, the point is that anonymous comments are fun. They are witty. Seriously. I remember that when I used to be an anonymous, I was funny. It was like a responsibility I had to keep the reputation of the prestigious group up and high. And you don’t have to be bothered about the limitations on the word you put in a comment. Being anonymous sets you free. I miss being anonymous. So if you are a blogger you should never ban anonymous comment. There will be shit, dirt and mud but hopefully you will get to see one comment that will make up for everything.

And I want to talk about shamita shetty. I love her in the song – you are my mind blowing mahiya. I also like the video of the remixed version of – woh lamhe, who baatein. I love the way different people dance at different places. Don’t you just love seeing people dance. You wish you could dance like you don’t care. Oh you do dance like no ones watching?? Its just me then. (yaa, its an inside joke that I share with myself)

I also like Jason bourne. The man is reliable. You know that nothing is going to hurt him. And I loved bourne ultimatum. I also love watching same movies again and again. I am using love so many times that it makes me uncomfortable. Man should use these ambiguous and impractical references to score (some runs). So I just watched this movie again. And I thought that being an assassin on run should be fun. There was this particular scene where bourne comes to see off nikki parson after she has got herself in trouble for helping him – they say nothing. They just look in each others eye for half a second and she leaves. And this time round when I watched this movie, I thot – wow! That’s some scene.

And so I have said this before that my short term memory is quite bad. But a friend told me accidently that my long term memory was good and I want to believe that. And I am ignorant – I have said that before. May be when I grow old and successful I will tell people that thing didn’t catch my attention pretty easily. And talking of things – I am a lausy user of my eyes. Its like I am committing blasphemy by not observing the beauty that has so many times inspired the poets and sent strong man with weak will power to jail. Yeah, I was trying to be funny there. But I don’t usually stare at the fairer sex. May be it comes from my own self low esteem. Yeah, why am I still hitting myself?

So, bourne is my hero. Reliability. I also liked howard roarks character. Uncomproming. What is the one word that defines me? And I actually thought about it. As always such questions are better left unanswered. But I know I am one of the good guys. And I hope to be one of them. And I know that there is a high chance that I will change for worse because we live in a world that works on supply and demand and nothing is absolute.

So we went to watch shortKUT the other night. It was a horrible movie as expected. The strange thing is tht even I dint like it. So we sat there for two hours and one of the friends suggests that we leave in middle. I said tht its against the law. Few minutes later two girl sitting some five seats left to us in the row next to us leave. I am sure they heard our conversation and it enlightened upon their poor souls that they don’t have to go through the torture. They are not tied to their chairs and they can actually leave theatre. The joy that must have come with that feeling! Don’t you just love it?

So another close friend got married. The responsibility that comes with it. Great ho. But they are still my friends and I can always go uninvited and have some free lunch.

And I took some training on SAS macros as well. Don’t you just love it – wen you can actually pretend confidently that you know your shit?!

I love my roomies!

2009-07-09T19:10:00.000+05:30

[7/1/2009 12:06:32 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: hmm

[6:55:59 PM] tapan says: cook nahi aayega aaj

[6:56:08 PM] Satish Borkar says: great

[6:56:17 PM] tapan says: hmm

[6:56:35 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: kya ho gya usko?

[6:56:44 PM] tapan says: tumhare pass talent show kerne ka aacha mocha hai ...

[6:56:55 PM] tapan says: us ka koi relative bimar hai ..

[6:58:02 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: relative bimar?

[6:58:18 PM] Satish Borkar says: relative bimar???

[6:58:26 PM] tapan says: haan yaar

[6:58:41 PM] tapan says: voh to feel ho raha hai ki jhoot bol raha hai..

[6:58:43 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: uski wife ki kya?

[6:58:47 PM] tapan says: but ab kya karee

[6:58:48 PM] tapan says: pata nahi

[6:58:53 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: hmm

[7:00:12 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: Satish - prove kar -- tu achha khana pakata hai.... u can do it man.....

[7:00:22 PM] tapan says: :)

[7:00:34 PM] Satish Borkar says: abe main toh banana chahta hun yaar

[7:00:45 PM] Satish Borkar says: par yeh kambakht job

[7:01:01 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: kiyu aj kitne baje ghar jana hai?

[7:01:17 PM] Satish Borkar says: aaj late ho jaayega

[7:01:26 PM] tapan says: mujhe bhi 9:30 call

[7:01:59 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: abe Tapan tereko khana pakana ata hai?

[7:02:02 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: kabse?

[7:02:10 PM] tapan says: nahi

[7:02:44 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: tab bol raha hai kiyu ki 9:30 baj jayega..

[7:02:58 PM] Satish Borkar says: khi khi

[7:02:59 PM] tapan says: arre satish bola na ki late hoga...

[7:03:01 PM] tapan says: to bol diya .

[7:03:10 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: chal is weekend main tereko batadeta hoon kaise khana pakate hain

[7:03:20 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: tu pakana .... main guide karunga :)

[7:03:54 PM] tapan says: theek hai .. tujhe khana banana sikha main tujhe SAS sikhaunga..

[7:04:03 PM] Satish Borkar says: khi khi khi

[7:04:31 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: nahi tu mereko VBA sikhadena

[7:04:47 PM] tapan says: voh nahi sikha sakta..

[7:04:56 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: kiyu be

[7:05:19 PM] tapan says: abe thoda tough hai... tere bus ka nahi hai

[7:05:23 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: jo mereko ati hai - tu wohi sikhayega mereko :)

[7:05:31 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: bc

[7:05:40 PM] tapan says: ati nahi aata hai

[7:05:55 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: ML

[7:06:00 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: MKL

[7:06:14 PM] pinaki asish ghosh says: MC

[7:06:26 PM] Satish Borkar says: KHI KHI KHI

2009-07-09T17:41:00.000+05:30

We will we will rock you.

I am waiting for that rare moment when I get truly impressed by my own genius. But as you get older you get lesser chances of doing that. But then again, as you get older your expectations are properly set. They suddenly become reasonable. And you don’t really need that rare moment to keep you up and going. I am full of shit.

I am working on something that I have come to believe that I will never be able to complete. But never say never. Right after finishing this, I am going to finish that as well.

I have always believed that I don’t like changes. At least the changes that you are fully aware of. The changes that require you to prepare, to adjust. But we always wait for the event that will turn our world upside down. Make us feel the extreme. Talking of extreme.. ‘extreme maal’ is a word that I am proud to have invented. Still looking for the ‘extreme maal’.

And I have to write this. I should know that I am putting in effort to write this.

So this time around, one fine night while I was at my office, I had my dinner and then I went for a smoke. It was a Friday and everyone from the team had left. And as you know when you are alone you tend to asses the life you have had. The life you are leading. And its definitely not one of the things that make you proud. You start thinking how you ended up like this. You were much better. And when you have so much going on in your head, a smoke is what you desire.

And I finished my smoke. And made my way back to the office. And bang. A literal bang. Damn glass doors! And for a second everything was blank and I could see the mess inside my head coming out of it.

Sometimes you need the bang.

I hate writing one liners to end the posts.

2009-06-24T12:13:00.000+05:30

Have you ever broken your laptop screen? A laptop screen with cracks running thru it like a mirror hit by a bullet is not a good sight. But still I can say that this is few of the things that I have done that are not normally done by people.

Like any good careful boy I too hold the upper part of the screen whenever I want to move my laptop. And then I coughed and pressure built below my thumbs was strong enough to crack it. Suddenly you feel so strong. Then I had to work on a desktop right under the impact of strong AC for next five hours. And its not complicated. I was actually thinking about bunking office for another day when I thought that going to office and discussing coolie number 1 with colleagues would be better for my health. And when my laptop was broken I could not go home and work from there. For a second I was clueless. And them post disaster analysis, may I say unwanted, took place in my mind. Earlier I thought that I shouldn’t have decided to move from the place where I was sitting. Then I thought I sudnt have come to the office today. And then I thought that how my getting born was a big mistake altogether.

But broken laptop screens are not that bad anyway. You can always write a post on them.

And talking about coolie number one.

Govinda – Haan. Singapore mein hamaare paanch crore ke project ka kya hua?

Sadashiv amrapurkar – Uske liye aapke Singapore ke prime minister se baat karni padegi.

Govinda – haan toh Singapore wapas jaate hee meeting fix karo.

And all this is being over-heard by kadar khan and shakti kapoor.

Govinda – mujhe is seth kee beti se pyar ho gaya hai. Aur mujhe isse shadi karni hai.

Sadashiv amrapurkar – par kunwar, in mamooli logo se apna rishta jodne se maharaja naraj ho jaayenge.

Govinda – hamein kuch nahi pata.

Sadashiv amrapurkar – par yeh bahut maamooli log hain.

Shakti kapoor comes in with kadar khan.

Shakti kappor – kya mamooli-mamooli laga rakha hai. Inke (kadar khan) ke pass yahan 100 acre zameen hai!

Sadashiv amrapurkar – inke pass (govinda) Singapore mein 101 acres ka sirf ekk bathroom hai.

Heheh. isn’t that genius.

And I have finally shifted to a new flat. With some friends. The earlier place that I lived in (alone) was such a crappy place. I cant believe I spent 6??, 7?? whatever number of months there. And I hope to cook sometime now. Good. And the day we moved in (on previous Saturday) we were told that our house was getting painted. Shit! We said. And we were asked to live in another flat temporarily till our flat was ready. And so we moved in finally on Monday. And all our stuff is still unpacked. And so we wonder if things could take place just normally for some time. Normal is so rare nowadays.

2009-06-13T00:15:00.002+05:30

CO2 is not a pollutant.

well, that was something that i know. and i hope you know that too.

and i always write that i have wanted to write so many things. and when i finally get down to writing things down, i dont feel the need of mentioning them.

so for past few days. i feel like i have been living in hell. i have got this feeling that i am gonna be eternally ill.

like everyone i want to feel happy. and i have felt happy. and i have felt happy in past few days. but i am talking about the kind of happiness you get when you solve a tough math problem. or the kind of happiness you get when you get the perfect lunch.

and like all cynics, i dont see optimists as living a life of lies. i admire them. on second thots, i think all cynics admire optimists.

and i am not even sure if i am a cynic. i think i just think that it would be kool to be a cynic and wait for the world to come to an abrupt end.

i think i am trying hard.

2009-05-31T20:33:00.005+05:30

All this time I have wanted to write so much.

day before yesterday i talked with chepta. and its such a pleasure talking to him. and right before, i had ordered one plate roti, which means two roties. i asked the man at counter if it was possible to get just one roti. he said no.

anyway, i took both the roties. and the biggest advantage of talking with chepta was that i was able to eat both of roties while talking with him.

anyway. why am i writing this post. that sometimes you have got to acknowledge that how lucky you are to have known few people. and then you suddenly come to realize that these are the only few that you will have for the rest of life.

anyway, i sud not try to be too philosophical.

so, he has got a new job. hopefully a job that he deserves.

and his interviews went well. and i knew that. he is such a good story teller. i mean he will make sure that you know and understand everything that he wanted to tell you.

ok i am not the guy who starts praising someone out of the blue and stops after 10 lines. i will write at least 100.

i read his testimonial on orkut. and cudnt agree more with it. he is the best you have got if you ever want to book a ticket. thanks man for all the tickets you have booked for me. shit man. now i am starting to get that feeling that you get when you start talking about someone who is too big for your own vocabulary and you fear that you have disappointed everyone and it would have been a lot better if you had just said that 'he is great'. but i will write more.

he has got the purest of hearts. and i am just not saying that. may be he is the one who has helped me understand that hearts could be pure at different levels and what can possibly define 'purest'.

and i also have my own analysis on why he doesnt have a girlfriend. unlike us 'losers', he is a real loser. he has had multiple shots at having girlfriends, but the loser lost the opportunities intentionally. fear of commitment, may be. how can you be so sure? and that is one question, i dont think many people ask right? most probably, like the idiots even he thinks that the first person he accepts as his girlfriend will be the final one. And seriously, wouldnt that girl be lucky? to be with someone who gives some crap. anyway, i think he is too scared to be involved with someone, most probably because he knows that his family has already got plans for him.

way to go donst!

2009-05-23T21:02:00.005+05:30

the one thing that you don't want to happen when you live alone in a lousy little 1BHK house is fall sick.

eating is the biggest problem. seriously. and its not particular to the sick-time. generally. why do i have to go and eat my lunch and dinner in same lousy place everyday???!

i am sick of everything. tired. of everything.

And getting an auto is as challenging as everyday. and i am sick of that as well.

speaking of autowallahs, here is a perfect example of stereotypes -
"saare autowale saale mad****** hote hain."

But there are facts as well -
"saare bangalore ke autowale saale mad****** hote hain."

i hate using *s in my posts. god make me more strong next time.

and i know that i sud have been smarter and put these example at the very last. no.
but i want to write more.

the only saving grace is fakeiplplayer's blog. i wont comment on the content of the blog as i find it quite ordinary and i can write funnier posts anyday. but seriously. i had a gala time going through the comments. each one of them using such nice words. aah. it was a treat. and i know that deep inside you want to go thru the experience. go right ahead. you deserve to be happy.

and talking about happiness. how many times have you said that you are happy?? and how many times have you continued to feel happy after realising that you are happy?? i know. a killer question. blessed are those who dont know that they are happy.

and all my life i have believed that people are generally idiots in an unacknowledged way. but now i think that life is such a great teacher that all idiots are here by choice. ok take a moment here - go back to the previous statement - and admire it.

ok, now if you have somehow managed to comeout of the infinite loop then you are surely too smart, huh???

its 9:30. the time to go out and eat. shit man. i hate my life. and i am thinking about deleting the last line already. but then the "now" last line will not make sense. CRAP!

2009-05-10T22:36:00.002+05:30

anyone could be an asshole. what makes me different is that i can afford being one.

i would like to say that. once.

anyway, i am thinking alot about becoming a full time writer. i am quite impressed by my writings, you see. just wanted to write it here because after about 10 years when i vaguely recall my incomplete life, my aspirations long lost, my choices so wrongly made - i would like to remind myself that i did want to do something. and maybe then, i will quit my job, go to kerala backwaters alone, take the family to vaishnav devi and start over my life again.

yeah. i think i am an idealist. and i pretend to be cynical. first time i read about communism, i found it fascinating. but then it failed. and when i read about the reasons why it failed, i was convinced that it could never have worked. And sometimes i feel how little i know about my country. and then i feel like reading it all and may be appearing for IAS.

anyway, i think i have lost something. i am not writing those random posts anymore which started from "so" and ended at "gotta pee". sad. its like if i dont have anything to write about i would not say that out loud. i would just go away.

2009-05-01T12:51:00.004+05:30

mere dil ki suno duniya walon.
yaa mujhko abhi chup rahne doh.
main gam ko khusi kaise kah dun.
joh kahte hain unko kahne doh.

this is the song that i sang when i heard the news that i was promoted. yeah. i am promoted.

anyway, you work hard. you invest your soul and mind. and i am not talking about office- office. i am talking about life in general. you want to be just. most of the time you manage to be just. you try not to complain. you come to know that life is not fair. and there are shortcuts. but still you want to be the guy who doesnt bend or compromise. (who is this "you" guy, btw??!)

but then you give in. you give in to the temptation of being the object of sympathy. being the guy that has been wronged. seeking recognition of the wonderful you who never complained.

hehe. but that shows weakness. and you are not weak. and you dont want to come out as weak! so you push yourself. and you feel good.

but then again, you are not alone in world. you see others doing better than you. and you clearly see the reasons why they are doing better than you. 'that's unfair' you say. first to yourself. than you try hard not to say that to anyone else.

but telling yourself that 'that's unfair' shows weakness too. but 'that's SO bloody unfair!' you say again anyway. hoping that this will be the last time.

and it continues. the only end that you see, is death. and you wait for it eagerly. but that is 'giving in' again. its not just about death anymore. its you against the world. you like the competition.

the only way out is to concur it. you want to be powerful now. but power comes with a price. you know it. and you feel good that whether others failed to wield the sword of power without compromising, you will come out just fine. uncorrupted and uncompromising as ever. but then the world does not give the best deal to the most deserving candidate. 'why not?!' you ask. you think you can change the rules of the game. once you have the power, that is. so you start playing the game by its rule. and that keeps you busy. you like it.

but you dont want to lose the perspective. you keep reminding yourself that this is a game. and your mission is to change the rules.

and you play it. only to realise that the world is big. and you are not a superman. 'why not?!' you say again. you say that you can be the superman. and you persist.

you definitely witness early successes. beginners luck?! no, not in your case. as you climb up the ladder, you see yourself surrounded by people, who are seeking the same thing. only that they are not 'you'. you know that you are better than them. you wonder if all of them are actually like you. wronged by this unjust world! you get disgusted by this feeling of weakness- being sympathetic to the enemy. you can not leave this to chance. the most powerful man has to be you. only you can resist the corruption that power induces on human nature.

you come to think of this as a vicious cycle. you realise that you were not the only one who took it to himself the responsibility of making this world a better place. you first get disgusted by looking at the fellow miserable man who thought that he could change the world. you wonder if that fellow miserable man thinks the same about you.

then you also realise that this is not the only time that someone has tried to concur the world. you look at the people who are more powerful than you are. you rate them as you go along.you smartly drop out those you are there just by chance.

when you started you had a clear goal. you wanted to be most powerful. now you start wondering if there is one in this world. every time you locate one, there is always some one else challenging his authority.

well, its a good game.

2009-04-22T22:48:00.000+05:30

The joy of writing a post is thrilling - Well, at least till you realise that even if it was mainly frustration that lead to blogging, it was nothing but the joy for those few minutes when you sat down and wrote your tragic story.

somehow, i was led to one of my earlier posts. and it is such a refreshing feeling to read the nonsense. and i notice that over a period of time, we mainly feel joy looking back. doesnt matter how much crappy we felt back then.

Ok.before i get to any further i will have to do this.

I am trying to look sophistcated here.

ok, now that its out of the way, i can write further.

i am typing this on outlook message box. i dont see any red lines. spell check seems to be not working. how do i spell further? is it furthur?? BTW, electricity is off right now. I have lit a candle and placed it up behind me so that i am able to see typing keys.

for a change i want to write a sub normal post.

i wanted to write a post on my discovery on what is called 'strong sense of duty'. obviously i dont want to write that now. it would be too sophisticated and suffocative,

BTW i watched Gilchrist bat today. Once i asked a friend that who would be his choice for a batman (why do they have to call them batsman?) if one needed a six off the last delivery. I obviously had Gilchrist in mind. And he said Gilchrist. And that is how you come to know when you have found that special someone and become gay.

And today, it was a lovely weather in Bangalore. i thot that if there was any good time to smooch a random stranger, it was this.

2009-04-17T23:38:00.002+05:30

there are so many things that i have thought over so many years and months and have wanted to share with you because i thought they were profound but then did not because realized that it was pathetic.

the above sentence is not supposed to make much sense.

in fact the posts are never supposed to make any sense.

but at times i like to make sense.

and that is where it kind of becomes unbearable.

one of our clients' last name is love. and wenever i get an email from her. i sing 'o my love..my love..you are my love'.

2009-04-17T00:59:00.001+05:30

No I didn't trust him
But he rushed me to feel
Tried me, mesmerized me
With his all sex appeal

Told me everything
That I was longing to hear
Shining and handsome
My souvenir

And then all of sudden
I have fallen in love

He would put me down
But I'd still place him above

Tired of searching for the love
That still lives in him
Given my everything
Like a souvenir

Given up my heart
In the name of the memory
Fallen down like rain
He could feel every drop
Now I know I have
Have the courage to tell him
Tell him to stop!stop!stop!

I've become invisible
I melt away at night
Dreams for once so colorful
Become black and white
Loving once so wonderful
Is no longer here
So I'll keep this feeling
Like a souvenir

Given up my heart
In the name of the memory
Fallen down like rain
He could feel every drop
Now I know I have
Have the courage to tell him
Tell him to stop!stop!stop!

2009-04-08T01:09:00.002+05:30

this is one of the posts meant to prove the point that you dont care if you dont get any comments.

yeah. its that simple. if you want me to see post more frequently, all u have to do is not comment. which in english will translate to that you have to do nothing.

i sometimes amaze myself with my genius. i hope i have used that phrase before. i sometimes amaze myself with my stupidity as well. even it has been iterated and re iterated and re re iterated.

behind every great fortune, there is a crime. i had read this on the opening page of the godfather. so when we were discussing our plan of becoming billionaires, i told my friend that we will have to get into some sort of criminal activity to be able to have so much money. he said - i am not looking for a great fortune.

i also remember that we had this interactive session on packaged goods. and we discussed what are packaged goods. all sorts of definition filled the little training room. they said that tv could be packaged. they say that the good should be fast moving and consumable. anyway, i obviously liked my definition best. i said that the big CPG (ie consumer packaged goods, and i earlier thot was american for FMCG) firms define CPG products for us.

the whole point that i am trying so hard to make here is i am real studd.

and when i was a kid, i actually thot that when water evaporates it disintegrates into oxygen and hydrogen. wasnt that genius??

and i actually thot hard and figured out why is west Bengal called west bengal when it is situated in east. wasnt that genius??!

ok. time to sleep, genius.

2009-04-06T00:47:00.003+05:30

you know that feeling of guilt that kept you away from your work, the result of not having started the work yet, the acknowledgment of the problem, but unwillingness to tread the path of solution.

i know it doesnt make sense (to you). i was about to write that i dont care if you dont get it. but then it will be obvious that i do. isn't it already.

anyway, it is suppossed to be a smart post. so best of luck. to you.

you know what? i can actually go up and re write what i have already written and you would have never read an article which made more sense to you. but if i did that you wouldnt be able to appreciate the level of genius that it took to transform the crap that we have right now to ..what was it.."a piece of art".

so you are most probably thinking that u will re-write first para again and you will actually compare and judge me. but i have already boasted so much that i can not take the risk of actually re-writing it. "plus i am very bored."

that's a a lot of crap.

anyway, i need to get detached from my blog. i need to get detached from my job as well. i need to get my priorities right.

so a girl is with a boy. she orders a coffee. he lights a cigarette. they dont talk. they are not thinking about anything else. they are not thinking about anything.

girl decides. test time.

"i miss it!"
"ok." he smelled something funny.
"i miss the naughtiness. i miss the stupid things. i miss the freshness. dont you think our love has become way sophisticated lately?"
"No."

their eyes smile. did the boy pass the test? sort of.

but there will be better, more interesting situations when they choose to fail purposely. just to see how the other reacts.

2009-03-31T23:54:00.002+05:30

i find starting a post very difficult. specifically at the times when i dont have any pre planned material to talk about, which is always the case.

i am reading curious incident of dead dog in night time for few days now. it is such a small book, i am amazed that i have not complete it yet.

this book is little different from other books that i have been reading for last one year. i dont know its what but i have taken a keen interest in clasic literature. i have read wuthering heights, three muskeeteers, fountain head. i could not complete great expectations.

for me book reading is far more mechanical. if i start it i will complete it. doesnt matter how bad or good the book is. i think it comes from my lack of interest in being opinionated.

and for a change i dont want this blog to sound like meri dukh bhari kahani. i want it to be a refrenced article on blogging psychology.

so there is a part of us which always wants to get recognition. for example, i want to show the world that i dont care that i am an idiot or self confessed genious or an ass or something. the idea is that people will appreciate my honesty. but at the same time, i will write that people will judge me and i still dont care. which shows that you seriously dont care. but do u?

i hope i could write more. its been days tht i wrote a post.

2009-03-28T00:28:00.003+05:30

Pedon ki shakhon pe soyee soyee chandani
Tere khayalon mein khoyee khoyee chandani
Bus thodi der mein thak ke laut jaayegi
Raat ye bahaar ki phir kabhi naa aayegi
Do-ek pal aur hai yeh samaa
Sun jaa dil ki daastaan.

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

2009-02-26T01:02:00.003+05:30

1. earlier i thought i was self critical. Now my boss told me that what i do is actually self persecution. boss is always right, boss! Gotta prove that in this post as well.
2. I have very little expectations from people. I dont get surprised when they disappoint me.
3. i always thought that coming 'second' in school was the ideal deal.
4. i actually came second in Panchvi and felt bad.
5. i studied in a hindi medium school till barhavi.
6. i studied in a hindi medium BOYS school till barhavi.
7. i was working before i started writing this post. i dont know what exactly a workoholic is. but i am the 'hardest' working man i know.
8. somethings i know from beginning will not work out the way people try to do it. but most of the times i let them do it. that applies to me as well.
9. i find it hard to ask people to do my work. even if its their job.
10. i was saving it for my last point. but what the heck! my life will validate me. and i dont care if it doesnt.
11. i was born too sophisticated to enjoy my childhood. i have never played with toy-cars.
12. i think i will get depressed after writing this post. i often go to 'hyper' mode when i find things getting out of control.
13. i loved physics once.
14. i am a chemical engineer. gotta remind myself more often.
15. i think chemical engineering is the coolest engineering branch ever!
16. i love watching my favorite movies again and again.
17. the only game that i think i was really good at was kabaddi.
18. i think my favourite book is 'Of Human Bondage' by Somerset Maugham.
19. it could also be 'Something Fresh' by Wodehouse.
20. Most often then not, i took shower before attending my collage classes. you have no idea what an achievement that is. my brothers from my college will be ashamed of me.
21. i miss my friends from my college.
22. i dont find 'the alchemist' and 'rang de basanti'inspiring.
23. i love my dad.
24. while writing all this i was actually trying to think about something that smelled of happiness. but believe me i am more than an average happy man.
25. this is not the end.

2009-02-22T21:42:00.000+05:30

This is a high time that I write something truly genius.

It was not a good start. Setting expectations is one important aspect of life. Most of the times, we over-rate ourselves, thinking that we are capable of doing something. And then we fail. And then we look around for excuses. Why am I writing all this?

There is one observation that I made while reading Fountain Head. So there are these two characters - Ellsworth Toohey and Howard Roark. And somehow I kind of felt that Shahrukh Khan and Amir Khan could be these two characters.

And.. what else? I am thinking about writing stories again. I cant understand why people cant stand these stories. But anyway that is their problem and we all gotta do what we all gotta do.

I actually watch a movie and there are these specific situations that take you by surprise. I am thinking about writing down these situations and when I have enough of them I can make them a part of a plot. Obviously these situations will be borrowed from other movies and my life.

2009-02-14T23:59:00.006+05:30

its 12:00. in the night.

i gotta sleep. but not before i write this.

its funny because many things that i want to write never get written because while writing them i come to know how ridiculous they are. earlier i had a rule. that i will not delete anything that i have typed already. but lately i just dont care.

anyway. one life. i could have done anything with it. but instead i am here spending 90 percent of my time in front of my laptop. i could have done anything. at least i could have tried. i read somewhere that - 'losers let things happen'. well i dont exactly like people who call anyone except themselves losers. but still we always have this feeling that we could have done something about it. then we just give it a shot to justify our existence. i have no idea what i am writing.

life is strange. there are things that happen at specific moments that change the way we used to look at things. sometimes it gives you conviction. other time you just lose faith. the dots define us.

so we have all known this story from our childhood. how one peasant saved a king. in return king gives him the opportunity to own all the land that he manages to cover running in one day. the caveat is that he has to return to the spot where he began before the sunset. well, as we all know he runs, runs and runs and dies before he could make it to the starting point.

i always thought that the peasant was a stupid man. i would have never made the mistakes that he made. how i would have planned everything and return to the place in time!

the important thing that i realised now is that the condition imposed (of returning in time) is of not much importance. we can have a different scenario where he has his all life - time to run and own the land. wen would he stop then?

wen would we stop?

yeah, that is supposed to be the punch line here.

there is another story. that i read. it was kind of graphical. so images are still vivid.

there is a tigress. ther is no tiger as such. so she is the king and queen of the jungle. it was her kingdom. when she roared, other inhabitants ran for their lives. she had a cub. he was obviously impressed by mother tigress. sometimes he will go out alone when mama is sleeping and roar. no body cared.

but then he grew up.

i liked this story when i was a kid. i like it even now. there are many things that i would like to point out to draw analogies and basically prove that i am a smartass.

but i like this story so much. i dont want to adulterate it by my narrow mindedness.

2009-02-08T22:10:00.002+05:30

"There is something i have been wanting to tell you for a long time. Fuyutsuki - means winter moon. Beautiful name you have got there! In the winter, air is dry so the moon looks much clearer than it does right now. I have always preferred the winter moon."

So I asked my friend. "Abe koi movie bataa. download karne ke liye." He said - "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". And I said - "OK".

And I downloaded it.

Few days later -
Me - "Abe mast movie thi. Forgetting Sarah Marshall."
Donst - "Kya baat kar raha hai??"
Me - "Saale, tune movie dekhi bhi nahi..aur mujhe recommend kar di??"
He - "Abe kya bataun yaar - Movie dekhna start hee kiya tha ki ek chutiye ka lund dikha diya. Give up ho gaya phir!"

I know. Not KOOL.

Yes i finally have enough will to write about "KOOL". So what's kool? Examples. Writing about "KOOL" is not "KOOL". BUUUT writing that writing about kool is not kool is kool. I hope you get the drift.

Aldous Snow in this movie (FSM) is kool. Come to think of it - people define kool. Now lets talk about unkool. unkool people staying unkool is kind of kool. unkool people trying hard to become kool is unkool. kool people saying that they are kool is kool. because remember people - whatever kool people do is kool.

lets talk about some characters.

i am thinking.

"Chhainu" in Mere Apne is kool.

"Mystic" in X-Men 2 is kool.

"Jerry" is kool.

"Uncle Scrooge" is kool.

"LaunchPad" is kool.

hell - Duck tales was kool.

"Janitor" from Scrubs is kool.

"Renee Zellweger" in Jerry Maguire is kool.

"Ravi-Naved-Javed" in boogie woogie are kool.

"Jason Bourne" is kool.

"Roop" in Jab We Met is kool.

Well. it just sounds like my list of favourite characters. never mind.

2009-02-02T00:02:00.002+05:30

There had to be a king and queen, of course. The king was a terrible old man who wore six-shooters and spurs, and shouted in such a tremendous voice that the rattlers on the prairie would run into their holes under the prickly pear. Before there was a royal family they called the man "Whispering Ben." When he came to own 50,000 acres of land and more cattle than he could count, they called him O'Donnell "the Cattle King."

The queen had been a Mexican girl from Laredo. She made a good, mild, Coloradoclaro wife, and even succeeded in teaching Ben to modify his voice sufficiently while in the house to keep the dishes from being broken. When Ben got to be king she would sit on the gallery of Espinosa Ranch and weave rush mats. When wealth became so irresistible and oppressive that upholstered chairs and a centre table were brought down from San Antone in the wagons, she bowed her smooth, dark head, and shared the fate of the Danaë.

To avoid lèse-majesté you have been presented first to the king and queen. They do not enter the story, which might be called "The Chronicle of the Princess, the Happy Thought, and the Lion that Bungled his Job."

Josefa O'Donnell was the surviving daughter, the princess. From her mother she inherited warmth of nature and a dusky, semi-tropic beauty. From Ben O'Donnell the royal she acquired a store in intrepidity, common sense, and the faculty of ruling. The combination was was worth going miles to see. Josefa while riding her pony at a gallop could put five out of six bullets through a tomato-can swinging at the end of a string. She could play for hours with a white kitten she owned, dressing it in all manner of absurd clothes. Scorning a pencil, she could tell you out of her head what 1545 two-year-olds would bring on the hoof, at $8.50 per head. Roughly speaking, the Espinosal Ranch is forty miles long and thirty broad—but mostly leased land. Josefa, on her pony, had prospected over every mile of it. Every cow-puncher on the range knew her by sight and was a loyal vassal. Ripley Givens, foreman of one of the Espinosal outfits, saw her one day, and made up his mind to f! orm a royal matrimonial alliance. Presumptuous? No. In those days in the Nueces country a man was a man. And, after all, the title of cattle king does not presuppose blood royal. Often it only signifies that its owner wears the crown in token of his magnificent qualities in the art of cattle stealing.

One day Ripley Givens rode over to the Double Elm Ranch to inquire about a bunch of strayed yearlings. He was late in setting out on his return trip, and it was sundown when he struck the White Horse Crossing of the Nueces. From there to his own camp it was sixteen miles. To the Espinosal ranchhouse it was twelve. Givens was tired. He decided to pass the night at the Crossing.

There was a fine water hole in the river-bed. The banks were thickly covered with great trees, undergrown with brush. Back from the water hole fifty yards was a stretch of curly mesquite grass—supper for his horse and bed for himself. Givens staked his horse, and spread out his saddle blankets to dry. He sat down with his back against a tree and rolled a cigarette. From somewhere in the dense timber along the river came a sudden, rageful, shivering wail. The pony danced at the end of his rope and blew a whistling snort of comprehending fear. Givens puffed at his cigarette, but he reached leisurely for his pistol-belt, which lay on the grass, and twirled the cylinder of his weapon tentatively. A great gar plunged with a loud splash into the water hole. A little brown rabbit skipped around a bunch of catclaw and sat twitching his whiskers and looking humorously at Givens. The pony went on eating grass.

It is well to be reasonably watchful when a Mexican lion sings soprano along the arroyos at sundown. The burden of his song may be that young calves and fat lambs are scarce, and that he has a carnivorous desire for your acquaintance.

In the grass lay an empty fruit can, cast there by some former sojourner. Givens caught sight of it with a grunt of satisfaction. In his coat pocket tied behind his saddle was a handful or two of ground coffee. Black coffee and cigarettes! What ranchero could desire more?

In two minutes he had a little fire going clearly. He started, with his can, for the water hole. When within fifteen yards of its edge he saw, between the bushes, a side-saddled pony with down-dropped reins cropping grass a little distance to his left. Just rising from her hands and knees on the brink of the water hole was Josefa O'Donnell. She had been drinking water, and she brushed the sand from the palms of her hands. Ten yards away, to her right, half concealed by a clump of sacuista, Givens saw the crouching form of the Mexican lion. His amber eyelids glared hungrily; six feet from them was the tip of the tail stretched straight, like a pointer's. His hind-quarters rocked with the motion of the cat tribe preliminary to leaping.

Givens did what he could. His six-shooter was thirty-five yards away lying on the grass. He gave a loud yell, and dashed between the lion and the princess.

The "rucus," as Givens called it afterward, was brief and somewhat confused. When he arrived on the line of attack he saw a dim streak in the air, and heard a couple of faint cracks. Then a hundred pounds of Mexican lion plumped down upon his head and flattened him, with a heavy jar, to the ground. He remembered calling out: "Let up, now—no fair gouging!" and then he crawled from under the lion like a worm, with his mouth full of grass and dirt, and a big lump on the back of his head where it had struck the root of a water-elm. The lion lay motionless. Givens, feeling aggrieved, and suspicious of fouls, shook his fist at the lion, and shouted: "I'll rastle you again for twenty—" and then he got back to himself.

Josefa was standing in her tracks, quietly reloading her silver-mounted .38. It had not been a difficult shot. The lion's head made an easier mark than a tomato-can swinging at the end of a string. There was a provoking, teasing, maddening smile upon her mouth and in her dark eyes. The would-be-rescuing knight felt the fire of his fiasco burn down to his soul. Here had been his chance, the chance that he had dreamed of; and Momus, and not Cupid, had presided over it. The satyrs in the wood were, no doubt, holding their sides in hilarious, silent laughter. There had been something like vaudeville—say Signor Givens and his funny knockabout act with the stuffed lion.

"Is that you, Mr. Givens?" said Josefa, in her deliberate, saccharine contralto. "You nearly spoiled my shot when you yelled. Did you hurt your head when you fell?"

"Oh, no," said Givens, quietly; "that didn't hurt." He stooped ignominiously and dragged his best Stetson hat from under the beast. It was crushed and wrinkled to a fine comedy effect. Then he knelt down and softly stroked the fierce, open-jawed head of the dead lion.

"Poor old Bill!" he exclaimed, mournfully.

"What's that?" asked Josefa, sharply.

"Of course you didn't know, Miss Josefa," said Givens, with an air of one allowing magnanimity to triumph over grief. "Nobody can blame you. I tried to save him, but I couldn't let you know in time."

"Save who?"

"Why, Bill. I've been looking for him all day. You see, he's been our camp pet for two years. Poor old fellow, he wouldn't have hurt a cottontail rabbit. It'll break the boys all up when they hear about it. But you couldn't tell, of course, that Bill was just trying to play with you."

Josefa's black eyes burned steadily upon him. Ripley Givens met the test successfully. He stood rumpling the yellow-brown curls on his head pensively. In his eyes was regret, not unmingled with a gentle reproach. His smooth features were set to a pattern of indisputable sorrow. Josefa wavered.

"What was your pet doing here?" she asked, making a last stand. "There's no camp near the White Horse Crossing."

"The old rascal ran away from camp yesterday," answered Givens, readily. "It's a wonder the coyotes didn't scare him to death. You see, Jim Webster, our horse wrangler, brought a little terrier pup into camp last week. The pup made life miserable for Bill—he used to chase him around and chew his hind legs for hours at a time. Every night when bedtime came Bill would sneak under one of the boys' blankets and sleep to keep the pup from finding him. I reckon he must have been worried pretty desperate or he wouldn't have run away. He was always afraid to get out of sight of camp."

Josefa looked at the body of the fierce animal. Givens gently patted one of the formidable paws that could have killed a yearling calf with one blow. Slowly a red flush widened upon the dark olive face of the girl. Was it the signal of shame of the true sportsman who has brought down ignoble quarry? Her eyes grew softer, and the lowered lids drove away all their bright mockery.

"I'm very sorry," she said, humbly; "but he looked so big, and jumped so high that—"

"Poor old Bill was hungry," interrupted Givens, in quick defence of the deceased. "We always made him jump for his supper in camp. He would lie down and roll over for a piece of meat. When he saw you he thought he was going to get something to eat from you."

Suddenly Josefa's eyes opened wide.

"I might have shot you!" she exclaimed. "You ran right in between. You risked your life to save your pet! That was fine, Mr. Givens. I like a man who is kind to animals."

Yes; there was even admiration in her gaze now. After all, there was a hero rising out of the ruins of the anti-climax. The look on Givens's face would have secured him a high position in the S.P.C.A.

"I always loved 'em," said he; "horses, dogs, Mexican lions, cows, alligators—"

"I hate alligators," instantly demurred Josefa; "crawly, muddy things!"

"Did I say alligators?" said Givens. "I meant antelopes, of course."

Josefa's conscience drove her to make further amends. She held out her hand penitently. There was a bright, unshed drop in each of her eyes.

"Please forgive me, Mr. Givens, won't you? I'm only a girl, you know, and I was frightened at first. I'm very, very sorry I shot Bill. You don't know how ashamed I feel. I wouldn't have done it for anything."

Givens took the proffered hand. He held it for a time while he allowed the generosity of his nature to overcome his grief at the loss of Bill. At last it was clear that he had forgiven her.

"Please don't speak of it any more, Miss Josefa. 'Twas enough to frighten any young lady the way Bill looked. I'll explain it all right to the boys."

"Are you really sure you don't hate me?" Josefa came closer to him impulsively. Her eyes were sweet—oh, sweet and pleading with gracious penitence. "I would hate any one who would kill my kitten. And how daring and kind of you to risk being shot when you tried to save him! How very few men would have done that!" Victory wrested from defeat! Vaudeville turned into drama! Bravo, Ripley Givens!

It was now twilight. Of course Miss Josefa could not be allowed to ride on to the ranch-house alone. Givens resaddled his pony in spite of that animal's reproachful glances, and rode with her. Side by side they galloped across the smooth grass, the princess and the man who was kind to animals. The prairie odors of fruitful earth and delicate bloom were thick and sweet around them. Coyotes yelping over there on the hill! No fear. And yet—

Josefa rode closer. A little hand seemed to grope. Givens found it with his own. The ponies kept an even gait. The hands lingered together, and the owner of one explained.

"I never was frightened before, but just think! How terrible it would be to meet a really wild lion! Poor Bill! I'm so glad you came with me!"

O'Donnell was sitting on the ranch gallery

"Hello, Rip!" he shouted—"that you?"

"He rode in with me," said Josefa. "I lost my way and was late."

"Much obliged," called the cattle king. "Stop over, Rip, and ride to camp in the morning."

But Givens would not. He would push on to camp. There was a bunch of steers to start off on the trail at daybreak. He said good-night, and trotted away.

An hour later, when the lights were out, Josefa, in her night-robe, came to her door and called to the king in his own room across the brick-paved hallway:

"Say, Pop, you know that old Mexican lion they call the 'Gotch-eared Devil'—the one that killed Gonzales, Mr. Martin's sheep herder, and about fifty calves on the Salada range? Well, I settled his hash this afternoon over at the White Horse Crossing. Put two balls in his head with my .38 while he was on the jump. I knew him by the slice gone from his left ear that old Gonzales cut off with his machete. You couldn't have made a better shot yourself, Daddy."

"Bully for you!" thundered Whispering Ben from the darkness of the royal chamber.

_________________________
The Princess and the Puma (by O. Henry (1862-1910))

2009-01-31T11:28:00.003+05:30

tum ho kali toh gulaab hum hain
honthon se lagaa lo toh sharaab hum hain
kahte hain log ki kharab hum hain
teri har baat ka jawaab hum hain.
lajwaab hum hain.
apne hee haanthon se kamaya hua khane wale
haq na paraya kabhi khayenge...

mere pass kothi hai na car sajni
kadka hai tera dildaar sajni.
kothi bangla na mujhe car chaiye
dil chahiye dildaar chahiye
chal phir chaliye
soniye ni baliye
dil ki hee duniya basayenge...

dar pe khade hai kalyaan kar doh
kaam koi ek toh mahaan kar doh
kharcha dahej ka bhi bach jaayega
lage haanthon kanyaa ka daan kar doh
kanyadaan kar doh
kabhi kabhi tere ghar tirath samajh kar
darshan ko hum aayenge.

le jaayenge le jaayenge dilwale dulhaniya le jaayenge.

NICE. Movie I mean. Chor machaye shor. Want to watch it again. has been such a long time.

Anyway, I wanted to write about many things. my understanding of 'kool'. and 'haat'. And i also wanted to write about how we are generally indifferent to new people - and its only that we have spent enuf time with them - or they affect our life in some way - that we finally have an opinion about them - that whether we like them or hate them - but there are some rare cases when we suddenly come to realise that we like someone even when we know nothing about them but that "one" thing.

But given that i said 'wanted', most probably i am not going to write about them.

today i am going to write about Shatrughan Sinha.

- aaye toh kah dena ki Chhainu aaya tha. bahut garmi hai khoon mein toh besak aa jaaye maidaan mein. par aaiyenda agar mere kisi ladke ko haath lagaya toh mohalle kaa muhalla uda dunga.

have you watched 'Mere Apne'? directoral debut of Gulzar?

ANyway this post is not about Gulzar. its about shatrughan sinha.

Have you watched kalicharan? sara sahar mujhe lion ke naam se jaanta hai.

so there is this scene. apna kalicharan, who is an SP now goes to this mohalla where mitti ka tel is not available to generaal public as the sahukaars are selling it in black market. sahukaars are as always in sanrkshan of a local gunda - DANNY. another super actor.

so danny is sitting on the chabutara across a tree. and they see each other and well-wishers of our SP boy are in tension as they know nobody ever dares to mess with danny. but kalicharan does. and then danny gets up. and to everyone's amazement he has just one leg. shtru is obviously impressed that a man with one leg has such a reputation. and then shtru does something. he pulls out his hanky and ties up the lower part of his leg to his thighs so that now, even he can use his only one foot.

now i know the credit for this brilliant sequence should go to subhash ghai, or any hollywood movie tht he copies it from.

but the way shtru pulled it off is amazing.

my hands hurt by typing.

have you seen kala paththar?

so mcmohan (sambha) is local hero in gambling. he never loses. now you should know the setting of casino royale where they play three patta (i dont know the name of game, k??).but i think same rules as poker apply here as well. so they have three cards. each one of them. and mcmohan has three jacks. shatru has two kings and one tikki, chaukki or something.

now i knew that shtru will win somehow. so i thot he will do something and finally have another king in place of tikki.

now they show their cards. three jacks. mcmohan is happy. shatru shows what he has. and goes ahead and snatched the money from mcmohan. mcmohan is devastated.

- par yeh toh sirf doh baadshah hain.
- TEESRE BAADSHAH HAM HAIN.

2009-01-02T11:53:00.001+05:30

Naye saal ka pahla jaam, aapke naam.

Do you ever feel that you had had a great opportunity to say something (funny) and you missed it? And later you actually figure out the ‘right’ thing that you should have said that would have impressed the crowd?

I have heard the saying ‘it s better to keep mum and be thought dumb, then to actually speak you mind out and let world confirm their assumption (of you being an idiot!)’. technically I never heard it. It was ‘signature’ statement of one of my classmate in IIT days. God he was. But lets not talk about Gods here. There are too many of them. 2 from my own batch actually. Will have to write one post on each of them.

For initial few years, I did not care about the saying stated above. I just thot it was kool not to care. This attitude led to a side effect and I actually did not care about clarifying a doubt by speaking up. So basically I followed that ‘saying’ unconsciously.

But then I came into another phase (IN YOUR FACE! I love scrubs!). I figured that it was better to be thought an idiot then not trying at all. So I spoke. I actually went into hyper mode where I was doing things which bordered to annoying other people. But then, life changes.

You know what the problem with our education system is. This particular piece is dedicated to moms and dads. They should thank me for writing this paragraph. Children our often taught things that their innocent slash annoying mind is not able to graph; purely because they haven’t experienced that. They are taught never to lie. In text books of course. And I wouldn’t mind it actually. Anyway, the deal is that they just follow whatever you say blindly. For sometime. Then they grow up a little. They come to know that it is not a big deal to lie. They actually think it rewarding to lie at times. But then they grow up. For real. And a grown up man, hopefully understand that morality is a funny subject. Often people who teach morality are afraid. They are afraid that the comfortable system that they have become so used to must be protected by forcing those who are headless to obey it unquestioningly. But they know the fabric of morality is very elastic and could be stretched to infinity by a person who is capable of doing so. But still that grown up kid will not choose to lie. Most probably, because he has gotten bored to catering lies as lousy excuses, but hopefully because he doesn’t want to lie. Anyway, why am I writing all this???

The message I so craftfully wanted to pass on to my huge base of reader is that life comes full circle. And most of the thing that we are taught in school (and that you followed religiously as a kid) are the things that you would follow when you realize that you are old enough to die. Yeah, you are right now if you think that I consider myself old enough to die. But I wouldn’t say I am a grown up man now. I would have to get laid first to do that. Wow. I am writing all the funny things with such great speed. I am proud of myself. You should have a look at my smirking face.

Yeah. So all this not some random shit (which is often good, btw, random shit is good!) but relevant. I think its good. If you don’t say much. Chances are that if you follow that saying religiously people will eventually come to think that you are smart. Believe me its true. (Take it from an idiot. But I still talk random things at times! Lets just say that I have gone a step ahead. Will talk about that later (And that is a sure NEVER! I hope u understand that!))

Ok. So a friend left Bangalore. Yesterday. Oh. Yes. On the last day of year. He had joined us a few months back. Three months roughly. And jus for clarification – we were not really ‘friends’ for first two months. But then things change. The day, I was told that he is going to leave the company, we walked down to our houses after dinner. He owns a pizza restaurant in Nagpur. Pizza Time. If you are ever in Nagpur, go and taste it. I am sure it would be promising. Because, for starters, he is damn serious about his business.

Ok. So yesterday we had his farewell. And now I know what I should have said when it was mu turn to say something – “…. (…signifies random things), … And he has also asked me to join his restaurant as a delivery boy. FINNALY, I will be rich”

Here’s to him.

2008-12-31T16:12:00.001+05:30

So I think. At times. Actually often. Some really profound thought.

So when I could not figure out why people thought that ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stranger’ was a profound statement, I thought. And I thought profoundly.

The profound thinking actually died away in sometime. And I wouldn’t be writing this post if I had not seen Van Helsing, an animation series, where the protagonist says ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. And then I watched ‘A Dark Knight’ again. I actually wanted to see the robbery part where joker actually says the above mentioned dialog. But then, I have heard so many people say so many profound things about the movie that I decided to watched it again for the ‘n’th time. It’s a different thing that I really missed subtitles but I think I got whatever was profound about the movie.

SO back to the statement ‘Whatever…whatever!’

So I actually thought ‘whatever’ was actually whatever you can think of. Like say Tiger biscuit. It doesn’t kill you and hence it should make you stronger. Profound indeed. You eat Tiger biscuit and you become stronger. And when you eat Tiger biscuit you will more likely to be friends with dogs than human being and so it can also make you stranger.

But then after I woke up today. I thought again. And I think I got it. And it was profound.

So in both the situations the speaker is involved in some kind of battle. A life and death kind of battle. And this ‘whatever’ is most likely to be the wounds that you get while fighting. And as long as you can bear the pain and you refuse to die, you will become stronger. In that way, pain is good. In real life, you don’t get to get in real battles. But still, life itself is a battle, and you better be fighting in it, for it. And so don’t worry, you might be down, you might have lost everything – your honor, self esteem, money – but still try hard to remain alive. Because what you lost, and what you suffered will not go waste. When you stand up again, it will take more than what it did before to bring you down. I love idealism.

Now take our dear joker. He says – Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stranger. Sounds too kool if you hear him say it. Anyway, What possibly could it mean? For one thing, it might just mean that the only purpose of being alive is to be dead someday. And you should actually die at the first opportunity you get because otherwise you will become stranger – you will actually start to enjoy the feeling of having survived something that could have killed you and hence you might lose your respect for death. The other more obvious and less philosophical implication could be that the wounds will leave scars and with each scar you lose the identity that you originally had.

The obvious difference between two sets of statements is that in the first case it is spoken by the person who is most likely wounded by ‘whatever’. In the second case, the wounder (hehe.. come to think of it..i had a joke to share..All the projects that I have worked now till now have closed down (BAND) and so I am a BANDAR, as a friend called me) says it.

Anyway, I am proud of now. Not because of the profound thought – they are routine for me now. But because I actually wrote down this post.

2008-12-16T21:48:00.002+05:30

soooooooooooooooooooooooo

this is one of the serious attempts that fail miserably but have the good intentions behind them.

When you want something from the bottom of your heart the whole universe conspires to make sure that you dont get it. And its true. And i know that you know its true. Or is it just me with a series of unfortunate events????

anyway, i never wanted to be special in this way. wen nothing comes without trying hard, you can actually get solace in the fact that you are not ranting abt it. but what the duck, you know tht u deserve better.

ok. time for sutta break. will write more on life later. i know i knw almost everything abt it.

2008-12-09T18:50:00.000+05:30

This has been a really long time, right??? Anyway, I think I will do that long pending tag.

Five quirky aspect of my personality (as if I have it????! “Gawwd, I am funny!”)

1. I don’t like myself often. Not specifically at the times when I act stupidly. Actually that is not that. I usually don’t like myself when I know that I have done some stupid acts. And given the level of IQ that I have I almost always know when I have done something stupid. My life is doomed.
2. I hate myself for many other reasons as well. I think I am very apologetic. Well, everything comes down to low self esteem and hence understandable.
3. I hate myself for not being able to complain. I read ‘Veronika decides to die” sometime ago and came to know about it suddenly. Borrowed knowledge. (who is original here anyway, except may be Howard Roark from “Fountain Head”. My friends tell me that novel sux. Well I liked it. It reminded me of “Kane and Abel”. Plus I have come to know that I like novels with ‘larger than life’ characters.)
4. Now this one is really quirky one. I actually think that I will become a national celebrity after writing the three points above. Well, I actually think that these traits are quite common and remind you that you are actually reading your life story. Is that defense mechanism at work??
5. kya likhun?? Hmmmmm. Kya likh dun??? Hmmm. I still love myself. Well, hopefully.

2008-10-20T16:03:00.001+05:30

What is a named range in excel? How is it useful? - Named Ranges are a powerful tool in Excel that allows you to assign a meaningful name to a single cell or a range of cells. For example, you can assign the name "TaxRate" to cell C1 and then use the name "TaxRate" anytime you would normally use the cell C1, such as =A5*TaxRate.

There are 3 advantages to using Named Ranges:

* Formulas are more readable and meaningful. A formula like =A5*TaxRate is more meaningful to you when you are working with a complex worksheet.
* Named Ranges, by default, always use absolute cell references. Therefore, you don't have to worry about address translation, which occurs with relative cell references, when you Copy/Paste or Fill Down/Right cell ranges. (For more information about absolute and relative cell references, click here.)
* Named Ranges make it easier to create well organized and attractive workbooks. You can use a named reference, rather than a cell address, in formulas, and then define that name to a specific cell after you've designed the workbook. With Named Ranges, you won't have to edit and change the dependent formulas. Just change the reference of the name.

What is the difference between a function and a subroutine in VBA? What is the difference in declaration? - A function returns a value, a subroutine does not. Sub vs. function as .

just two questions

2008-09-21T19:00:00.002+05:30

sunday evening. end of another weekend. yawn...my life sux.

and i know i havent been writing much lately. and i know i should. writing witty and hilarious and great posts at least made me feel like a true stud. for a change.

anyway. so whats in the menu today?

i want to write about one particular incidence when i sang "imtahaan ho gayee intezaar ki" in loo. i also want to write about my own versions of some songs. and believe me they are hilarious. at least too me. my own versions of some tv ads as well. i am very attached to word 'judaai' baai the way. ' judaai, juddai.. hai yeh kaise judaai', 'chaar dino ka pyar ho rabba, badi lambi judaai' are some songs which have my versions. anyway, we went to a kool place for water rafting last weekend. and i suddenly remebered this mountain dew ad. "Darr sabko lagta hai. **** sabki phat-ti hai." ok. forget it.

so is that it? what about the other open ended posts that i have always wanted to write about?? what about those incidents that i have always thot as hilariously "bloggable"? what about that specifically hilarious moments from movie "Hum kisi se kum nahi" that i watched few days ago? yes the same movie with song "chaand mera dil".

what about writing that ultra sophisticated, senti and feel-good post that i wanted to end with a "life is good" punch line? and what abt that post which will make all haat, single and dumb gals fall in love with me? and what abt tht post which starts with "jaane kahan gaye woh din, kahte the teri raah mein taaron ko hum bichhayenge" song?

any way, blogging for me is one way of telling to world that i am kool and studd. i have never really seen it as story of my life. becus there are so many things that i dont write about. and they are the things that truly define me. another post on blogging. sex. sux*. damn!

2008-08-13T23:16:00.001+05:30

So I know I suck but I actually want to write a story. Now I don’t know what I am going to write about but I know the start and end of it. In the start the protagonist (who is very much like me, coincidences!) is asked by someone, either by God or by Life itself – ‘What do you want from me?”. There are two options available to the protagonist. He can either say ‘Nothing’ or ‘Everything’. Ironically, the tale will end with the same question being again asked to the protagonist. Earlier I thought I will make the protagonist say ‘Nothing’ in the beginning and ‘Everything’ in the end, obviously signifying the change of attitude towards life. But I think making him (the protagonist) say ‘Nothing’ in the end as well will really make sure that people know that he is the hero from the start and I cant possibly write some ass-kicking character-developing subplots which will change his attitude for good. Now even saying ‘Nothing’ in reply to the question can be seen in two ways. One where the protagonist is really not much into taking things from someone as he is someone who believes in making things work for himself. Second, he just doesn’t need anything. As he already has everything. This two cases can very well form the beginning and end scenes of my story where the protagonist is asked the same questions and he replies in the same way.

Ok. I think I am making lots of sense lately. Not good for business. Anyway, Let’s see how we can make the ends meet.

2008-08-03T22:55:00.001+05:30

So whats up? I have no idea why I am no longer able to narrate events taking place in my life. Or is it just that there is absolutely nothing happening in my life? No. I think I don’t want to write whatever is happening in my life. Firstly because I won’t be able to exactly narrate those moments of not-so-extreme happiness. Secondly. This blog is about high thinking. I mean you are already living your life. And now you want to write it down??!! I mean wont you get bored of life?? Ok. I like writing crap.

Anyway, so sometimes a wish there was no break. Because, whenever there is a break. I physically take a break but in the back of my mind, I am always thinking about uncompleted task. And I just think. I don’t exactly do anything to get done with everything. I am a loser.

And what the heck has happened to me?? I am not even writing about love? I mean everyone can write about love. And as long as I am able to write anything unconventional, new on the topic, I am the boss. Love is something that is used to justify extreme cases of insanity in people who are not insane. Ok. Crap. Anyway, let me talk about it little more. Have you seen Matrix Reloaded? My favourite scene is one where neo meets the architect. The room that he gets into, had these small screens, remember? And in each of the screens, you will see, one of the possible ways in which neo will respond to the architect. Genius.

Ok, I wanted to write about how matrix reloaded is related to love. But let’s chuck it.

2008-07-27T02:07:00.001+05:30

Ok. So what did I want to write in my last post? I wanted to write about how busy I have been lately. Working crazy hours. Wondering if its really worth it. And how at times I feel that I would never be this busy in my life again. And how at times I actually think that I am working inefficiently. Anyway, I really never want to say that I am busy. We always have time. It’s just that our priorities change. I want to write something more about priorities and time management and shit. Chuck it.

So I had seen this short about 10 minutes long animation which used to come on TV. So a man, a real baseball enthusiast, gets married. His dream? To have 6-7 or whatever number of sons to be able to make a top baseball team of his own. Ok, his wife gets pregnant. Damn. It’s a baby girl. He says its ok. There will be another time. Another time. Another girl. And then another girl. He has faith. so ther is always another time. And after n number of years he has n girls to take care of. He is a frustrated man now. Girls grow up a little. One day he notices that girls are playing baseball. He notices that he has got just enuf number of girls to make a baseball team. But he knows that girls cant get him where his boys would have taken him. Anyway, girls make a team of their own. They are good at baseball.

Fast forward. There is this very important ladies baseball tournament going on. It’s a day of final match. Our very own sisterhood team has played brilliantly and people know that these gals will win. But the father is very anxious. He knows that his gals will lose the match. He must do something. Now there is this important point of match where the girls have to hit a homerun to ensure victory. The anxious father wears the helmet and does something to himself so that people around him wont recognize that he is he and not a she. He pulls back his daughter, a clean hitter who would have hit the first ball out of the stadium. A digression, in baseball, you get three balls to hit. If you miss all of them, it’s a strike for the pitcher. And other team will win. Father misses the two balls. Now comes the third ball. The father swings, and thinks that he missed. But the next second he sees that the ball has gone for a homerun. He has won the match for his daughters. He is proud of himself.

BUT, what did really happen? One of his daughters had come from the back and hit the ball that his father missed. Now don’t ask me how that is possible and how nobody noticed. I loved this animation.

2008-07-21T23:09:00.000+05:30

Ohhk. I said ohhk. I definitely said ohhk. I most probably said ohhk. Ohhk.

So whats happening in my life? Seriously.. what’s happening in my life???

Nasha ye pyar ka nasha hai

Yeh meri baat yaaro maano.

Nashe mein yaar doob jaao.

Raho na hosh mein diwano.

Damn. Blogging used to be fun. I guess it still is. Anyway, I watched the dark knight. I earlier thot it was ‘dark night’. Its been quite some time since I checked IMDB. I should do that right now. Ki jab se maine tumko yeh dil de diya, meetha meetha sa dard le liya. Suno ho priya, maine tumko dil diya.

2008-07-19T14:42:00.000+05:30

Whoever pursues a dream, is a runner.

Sometimes I wonder how it would be. Reading this blog of mine in distant future. Would I be able to recollect what really was happening in my life back then? Would I look at my posts and think that I used to write so well and given that in future I will be rich and frustrated, wud I wonder ‘what happened?’. I have always romanticized sadness. Would I look at my posts and feel that I was happy back then, the way now I look at my childhood and think that I was really happy at some specific moments.

I really want to write about this week. I am really not very much into expecting things from people. And then when they do do thing that I don’t expect, it feels freaky at times. As in, seriously. It wasn’t a big deal. But it really feels so good wen someone makes you realize that they care.

So I have been working for almost a year now. And in start wen I had just joined in, one of the seniors, who is actually from my college, called me ‘beta’ out of nowhere. Earlier I was not sure and looked around to make sure that he was actually talking to me and not someone else. Anyway, everything was fine except one thing. One of the colleagues in my team, a girl actually, started laughing with her friend. ‘Isne tumko ‘beta’ bulaya kya??’ I laughed as I really don’t believe in disappointing people and would laugh at anything if they expect me to laugh. Anyway, as it turned out that he, the senior, had actually called her ‘beti’ a while ago and hence I got a sister and a baap in the organization.

Anyway, this was a good week, satish!

Most probably dated: 05Jul2008

2008-07-05T21:16:00.002+05:30

haat girl: May be you want to buy me a drink?
Nash: I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me. But could we assume that I said all that? I mean essentially we are talking about fluid exchange right? So could we go just straight to the sex?
(TADAAAAAAK!)
__________
Alicia: You dont talk much, do you?
Nash: I cant talk to you about my work, alicia.
Alicia: I dont mean work.
Nash: I find that polishing my interactions in order to make them sociable.. requires a tremendous effort. I have a tendency to expedite the information flow.. by being direct. i often dont get a pleasant result.
Alicia: try me.
Nash: All right. I find you attractive. your aggresive moves towards me indicate that you feel the same way. but, still, the ritual requires that we continue with a number of platonic activities before we have sex. I am proceeding with those activities, but in point of actual fact, all i reaaly want to do is have sex with you, as soon as possible. are you gonna slap me now?

2008-07-05T16:54:00.002+05:30

Well, blogging is a serious business. For me, at least. I mean you don’t blog for few days and you feel like you are very busy and mature and you start wondering that how you even started as stupid a thing as blogging. Anyway, I am writing crap now. The problem with people like me is that we write crap and then we say that its crap to make people aware that we might write crap but we know that we write crap and we don’t give a crap if someone thinks that we write crap but we sure give some crap about the fact that people must definitely not think of us as stupid morons with a superiority complex and that is why we make it absolutely clear at the very beginning that we write crap. The chances are that after reading the last line, anyone in his right state of mind will not continue reading it. But the last sentence that I wrote just now, would definitely make him wait for a while and force him to go on and read another sentence. Well, my friend this is a genuine advice, don’t go on. Please.

Well, I want to talk some sense now. Conviction is a funny thing. You have gotta be utterly stupid to absolutely believe in something. There is another side of the story. You are so intelligent that you know the truth and you stick to it. And then there are the ones who fall in between. They are not stupid enough to believe in something unquestioningly and not smart enough to see the truth. Well, as you have rightly guessed I think of myself in this category. But not very far from being a complete idiot. So I gotta try little harder and become one. Crap.

I want to talk some more sense now. Experience must help one in defining shit. You should never buy shit. There are people who can sell shit. If you are not one of them, you are the one who will be buying shit from one or other. So if you are able to recognize shit the benefit is two fold. You will never buy shit and you can actually sell shit. Ok now if you are impressed with this paragraph, then you know who you are.

Anyway, being truthful and sticking to your conviction is a long term investment. If you stick, you will have your rewards for sure. But if you don’t, it is not necessary that you will regret. In fact you can end up better. Crap again.

You know I absolutely despise creature who are themselves very pathetic but try hard to project the image of one who know things. But I don’t despise myself. I must be exceptional.

2008-06-08T01:20:00.002+05:30

ohhk. i had seen this many many years before on doordarshan. its a boys birthday. and he cud celebrate it the way he wanted. instead he asks his father how he used to celebrate his budday. his father begins tells him about his own life wen he was almost his age. back then he had attended one of the 'mordern' budday parties where the budday boy had cut a cake and got plenty of gifts including a cycle. so he(the father wen a boy) dreamed about having his own big budday party, cutting a cake, dressing well and getting a cycle. but he belonged to a well-off but 'not-very-modern' family with parents who cared for him but who will always try to make some sense out of everything. they had attended the 'modern-family-boy's budday but i would like to believe now that it was out of respect or some sense of duty. Like some really sophisticated people(e.g. forest gump) budday celebrations (read extravagance) did not make any sense to them. So the boy's budday comes. they start the day early. they cooked nice food. they made him wear real nice traditional kurta pajama ( with some chhotu-pagdi i guess). The boy is happy. he knows that he will have a big budday party in evening. anyway, in afternoon, they(the parents of the father of the boymentioned in third sentence!) distribute kambal and clothes to needy people by boy's hand. they (the poor) blesses the boy. the boy was happy. he will have the big budday party in the evening.

The evening comes. boy looks around. nothing seems to be happening in the house. he is little worried now. i think he was not aware of the idea of 'surprise' parties back then. in panic, he goes to his father and asks ki 'budday kab manayenge mera?' and his dad replies ki 'beta, budday toh manaa liya na?!' the boy is disappointed.

this is one of the very lively memories of father. some of the events that shape up your life as you grow older and come to realise how big they were. the father is proud of his parents. the boy is in a car with his father. the boy, definitely more mature to understand these things than his father was as a kid, most probabily bcus he has had those 'big' parties before, grasps the essence and importance of the story immediately. the car is parked on road with a slum area sideby. he takes few of his toys, that he doesnt play with anymore with him, goes to children, playing in one of the streets of this slum area and gives the toys to them. the boy is proud of his father.

Anyway, i have turned 23 now. earlier i thot that i will not tell anybody and call everyone up the next evening and make them wish me happy budday. but as the day's gone and nobody wished me, i have made it pretty clear to everyone that they sudnt expect any happy budday from me for next twenty years.

and as i was talking to my dear pondy, who was one of the very few people, who knew about my budday but still did not wish me on time; he told me that how noone had wished him on his budday. Guilt and happiness. i felt them both. but it was temporary as he said that a month later his gang arranged a surprise party for him. damn you pondy!

2008-05-26T19:37:00.000+05:30

Assume that it rained when god pissed from heaven. So what do you think god must be doing when it’s snowing?

2008-05-21T23:39:00.000+05:30

Particulates, basically charred carbon particles, visible by naked eyes are one of the many components in gases that pollute air. Did you know that? I hope you did. But did you know that they helped in process of raining as well? I hope you didn’t. Because in this post I am gonna tell each one of you exactly that. So these particulates go up in atmosphere and they get suspended after reaching a certain height. How they get suspended, you ask. Because as you go up the density of air decreases and at one point their weight is exactly balanced by the air surrounding it. Anyway, particulates help in the process of raining by acting as platforms for what is called nucleation. The vapors start condensing on these particulates and make a big enough drop that is heavy enough to drop. Anyway, that is not the end of story.

If we have a significant increase in the concentration of these particulates in atmosphere then fixed amount of water vapors will have many particulates to condense on and that can actually result in formation of small water droplets that wouldn’t be heavy enough to fall down. And they will just suspend there. And we won’t get rains. Interesting, no?

2008-05-09T19:46:00.000+05:30

Harry: You know you just get to a certain point where you get tired of the whole thing.

Sally: What "whole thing"?

Harry: The whole life-of-a-single-guy thing. You meet someone, you have the safe lunch, you decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner. You go dancing, you do the white-man's over-bite, go back to her place, you have sex and the minute you're finished you know what goes through your mind? How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home. Is thirty seconds enough?

Sally: That's what you're thinking? Is that true?

Harry: Sure! All men think that. How long do you want to be held afterwards? All night, right? See there's your problem, somewhere between thirty seconds and all night is your problem.

Sally: I don't have a problem!

Harry: Yeah you do.

_______________________

Harry: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.

Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry: When did I say that?

Sally: On the ride to New York.

Harry: No, no, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

2008-04-30T00:47:00.000+05:30

So I think. If I am really stupid or I feel this shittedness because I am too intelligent. On my ‘supposedly’ one-on-one with my manager I was told that I have this great ability of being able to find mistakes in things. And also, (they told me) that I have got great potential and I am gonna go places. Now I am not sure if they say such things to every guy that they don’t give any raise to. And just now I realized that may be he was true afterall. May be this error-finding ‘great’ ability of mine is the reason I feel stupid everytime. Self-analysis will either kill me one day or make me a billionaire. Its not like I will either succeed or fail so the chances are 50-50. Odds are important here. If there were say 100 satish’s (plural for Satish) living in 100 parallel universes with exactly the same life as I have had till date (each one of them writing this blog on outlook and thinking whether the other 99 are thinking about him or not!), there will be only 1 (or 2, may be) satish who will live to spend his filthy sum of money on dog races and hostile takeovers (and on Russian whores, may be) and all others will die a death ranging from the death of a stray dog - who got hit by an auto accidentally – and that of a dog who chose death over life and purposely got onto the way of an unbreakable BMW.

And so I think. That how people become so important in one’s life. And how we think that life stinks everyday. And how really unimportant each one of us are. And how really really unimportant our problems must be. And still.. I think.

There are thousand things wrong with me. And yet I find it hard to find a single thing worthwhile in me. May be I should get the job of assistant trouble-shooter who wud obviously ‘assist’ his master in finding problems with the system.

And I am really not convinced myself if I am really gud at it. I am a lousy judge of men. Most of the times I don’t find it important to judge people. Most of the times I will give people more than ten chances of winning my admiration. Most of the times I will like to believe that I haven’t yet seen the best of that son of a bitch. Most of the time..

And for the people who believe that judging people is B-A-D-bad, I won’t say anything. With age, poise will come.

And have you heard of Macroman??! He is the most powerful man in the thousand universes. Even more powerful than Superman. But let me first give a brief introduction of macros. Wikipedia says, ‘A macro in computer science is a rule or pattern that specifies how a certain input sequence (often a sequence of characters) should be mapped to an output sequence (also often a sequence of characters) according to a defined procedure. The mapping process which instantiates a macro into a specific output sequence is known as macro expansion.’ I don’t understand a word of it. So two of the main tools extensively used in our work are 1) MS Excel(PPTs, Words bhi include kar lo yaar!) and 2)SAS, ie Statistical Analysis Software. So people who use excel and think that it’s a dumb tool, must perish in ignorance as I find it quite sophisticated and there is always something new that you could learn about it. Anyway, if you ask me, a macro is something that is used to automate lousy processes and thus increase efficiency and accuracy.

Macroman is the man who can write macros on any kind. He can write macro to create a nuclear bomb and another macro to change that nuclear bomb to a nuclear reactor. The man is a genious. Macroman is our man.

2008-04-23T22:30:00.000+05:30

I will try to have a normal start. Its almost 3 years since my introduction to blogging world. I have survived it a long time. I have thought few times about giving it up altogether. but I don’t want to say ‘never’. And I surely won’t post a farewell post. I will just go away. And hopefully comeback. And that said, its implied that this is surely not the last post. So don’t you try to be too happy!

But I would definitely like to leave blogging one day. Somehow I feel that bloggers are basically sad people. I think there are few exceptions and I just hope that I am right. And there is this thing about me. I would leave blogging one fine day, just to be able to come back years later, and write how things have been with me. It will be like meeting an old friend.

2008-04-18T21:55:00.000+05:30

Anything I write here, in fact everything I write here is nonsense. And earlier it used to be adorable nonsense. But now it has become pathetic and stinky nonsense. And now, I don’t even try to be funny. That’s the sad part of it.

And lately I dream a lot. And believe me you don’t want to have that kind of dream. All the night, I will have ‘When you come undone’ playing inside my mind and on repeat. And the worst part is that I wake up suddenly and realize that I was actually not sleeping this whole time. Interestingly, I thought I was Neo of Matrix. Anyway, this is another Friday night again. And I am still in office. The one thing that I wanted to do in my life was throw my resignation letter at my bosses face. I had seen it in my dreams: One day I will get frustrated, overworked, exhausted and broke; and then I will quit and feel like a King. AAh, some dreams are not to be..

Becoming a billionaire seems to be a difficult proposition right now. And then I see around. And I find lots of people doing pretty well in their lives. Making money should not be this difficult. Seriously. Par phir wahi baat ho jaati hai ki these people could actually be one in a lakh, and given the population of India, there will still be 10000 people. And how many of them are billionaires?? The shit-analysis above is one of the many characteristics of a man who will never succeed.

I want to delete this post. But I wont.

2008-04-17T23:59:00.001+05:30

Ok. I bought The Prodigal Daughter last nite. I have read it before but I wanted to read it again after I finished reading Kane and Abel. The funny thing is that I didn’t even know that it was a sequel of another book. Angrezi kamjor hone ke bhi apne faayade hote hain, I guess. Anyway, I never thought The Prodigal Daughter to be a great book. But Kane and Abel, I found very fascinating, even when I think it was quite predictable. One thing that I am missing lately is not being able to read consistently.

P G Wodehouse. I never thought I would cry reading it. Literally. And not even khusi ke aanshun. Ridiculous Characters. Forced plots. I would have torn the book apart if it was cheap and of my own.

What else?? I have to make REVERSE presentation on something. AND the project that I am working on is high VISIBILITY project. AND I watched Scent of a Woman last night on Zee Studio.

I want to go home. But I have some work. And I could have finished my work. And gone home. But I haven’t. Ok.

2008-04-17T23:59:00.000+05:30

P G Wodehouse. I never thought I would cry reading it. Literally. And not even khusi ke aanshun. Ridiculous Characters. Forced plots. I would have torn the book apart if it was cheap and of my own.

What else?? I have to make REVERSE presentation on something. AND the project that I am working on is high VISIBILITY project. AND I watched Scent of a Woman last night on Zee Studio.

I want to go home. But I have some work. And I could have finished my work. And gone home. But I haven’t. Ok.

2008-04-14T21:22:00.000+05:30

I want to write something incredibly funny. And I don’t want to write I am god. Or I am the stupidest creature in this world.

So, late in night, we wanted to have a glass of tea. And Bangalore rocks so we cant find a hotel open after 10:10. And getting milk in night is pain. But we believe we gotta do what we gotta do.

At one suttee ki dukan + kinda grocery store -

My roomie: Boss, doodh hai kya?

Boss: ‘Eritage’ hai.

My roomie: HAIN?

Boss: ‘Heritage.’

My roomie: doodh hee hai naa?

Boss: haan. Ten rupees.

Hehe. Bakaiti. Aptly used word by my friend. Ab apan log itne bhikari toh nahi lagte yaar ki dus rupaye afford naa kar paayein. Us din raat ko hamne HERITAGE doodh se bani chai pee.

2008-04-11T21:29:00.000+05:30

Friday night. 8:43 PM. And I am sitting in office writing a post. I need to get some life. Anyway, lately Life Sux has become my favourite dialogue once again. Reminds me of my college days wen I was dying to get out of it. Anyway, I definitely had something in mind. Oh. Ok. All this while I though that being disorganized is no big deal. I thought it was rather kool. But now I kind of realize that the way I am disorganized in my life is actually a reflection of how disorganized I am in my thoughts. And everything would have been kool if it wasn’t for the consequences you have to face wen you live in real world.

Friday night. 9:03 PM. I am still sitting here.

Friday night. 9:09 PM. I am still sitting here.

Friday night. 9:28 PM. And I am about to go in 10 minutes.

2008-04-09T12:54:00.000+05:30

Here by the ocean, waves carry voices from you..

So. I wanted to write about this incident. I am not very fond of horror movies. The sad thing is I usually get scared when I watch a horror movie. I have tried different mechanisms to get around the issue, like imagining that everything is happening in front of a camera and all. Anyway, so I watched Exorcism of Emily Rose in one of those gloomy nights, way back, in 2005, I suppose, when the movie was released, in my hostel room. Alone. And I survived. And then I slept. And then I woke up. At 3:00. And I wanted to go pee. And if you have seen the movie, one of its many profound dialogues is ‘At 3 they come.’ Or something. Things get messy in movie as soon as its 3:00 am. In a hostel, technically there is no night. So whenever you get out of your room, you will definitely find someone. I was so scared, I knew I wouldn’t go to bathroom. And so I got up on the bed, and from the window of my room on second floor I pissed.

2008-03-27T19:38:00.003+05:30

Yeh hai estyle…

Yeh hai Ssstyle..

Long time no see. And here I was expecting to see some fan mails pleading for mercy and insisting that I write. In this hope I didn’t even tell anyone that I was home (such a lovely phrase!) this holi. Yeah, I went home. And on my way back here, I even dropped into (hehe, my angrezi is a funny language!) Mumbai. Met some friends. And drank vodka with lemonade. So it was gud. Except the fact that life sux. By definition.

So whats the news?? Mere haath hare aur laal ho chuke hain.

So what was it that I wanted to write? I was thinking about writing about myself. And it was after I realize that I sudnt be worried about letting people see the REAl me as everytime I come up with the description of ‘REAL’ me, I find that that’s totally not me to my utter surprise. So one of the many things we can do here is type what we thinks about wishself. (hehe! Too funny!)

Its damn boring. The only thing that worries me nowadays is that I am too introspective and one day I will die. Confused. And as there must be some contradiction, I also think that even if I did figure out everything about life, happiness and universe, I wud be too old(may be on deathbed) to look life from that perspective and live it. So there I go. Or it may be that perspectives will change. Whatever. People tell things not knowing that they are confused and what they do is nothing but plagiarism but they are still confident. And in that sense ignorance is bliss. You go to buy mobile phones without information and then weep for the rest of your life. in that case ignorance is not that blissful.

Anyway. Where was I? Haan. You have seen V for Vendetta and you talk about personal freedom. Okk..forget it.

And, I remember that we often say ‘system hee bekaar hai’. And one particular day I suddenly realized that this is so true. It’s the system that has helped western countries develop. It’s the system that has kept us from moving forward. Seriously. System suxx. System is everything. An efficient system will lead to more amount of work for a given amount of energy. Hehe. Yeah. Kam akal engineer.

What else??

2008-03-12T19:36:00.001+05:30

Today is a particularly sad day. For ridiculous reasons. Its one of those days when you realize how pathetic you are. For me, its one of those days when I realize that I have been pathetic all these days. In all probability I am not going to discuss those ridiculous reasons. Lets see if I stick to this.

And the things that I am doing to escape the reality of this cruel world (sounds funny coming from me, :D, in fact =)), I absolutely rock! Ok back to sadness). Hehhe. Seriously. I am literally laughing (yaa, the way people laugh in jane austen’s novels!). Its funny how things look really funny once you start writing them down.

Anyway, its been really long since I have written anything personal I guess. And no, I am not going to write any here. In the obvious attempt to prove my studdness, I have told my friends, including my roommates about this blog. And they don’t read it quite often. As should be expected from any sane person. But then there should be those moments, I guess in their lives, when they think that things can not get any worse, and so they come visit my blog. And I deliver.

Seriously yaar. Why don’t I just go ahead and write things? They will appreciate my courage. Right? Aah. Yaa!! *Rolling Eyes*

So whats next?? I will write some quotes.

All good men are taken, gay, dead or intelligent. (Believe me it sound VERy funny in my head.)
I am really funny. (what!! I have made bullet points. I got to write some more for the sake of it, right?? So that you appreciate the funniness of the above statement.)
okk. that’s it.
I cant find anything interesting to write now.
okk. but I will continue to write in bullets.
What is love? is a question that has kept many females awake late in night, early in morning and at noon. I will tell you whats love. Its one soul’s recognition of its counterpart in this universe. Sounds perfect right? I got it from ‘the wedding crashers’. Pity you will now find it fake. Plus my earlier plan was to reiterate it whenever any girl asks me to define love for her. Gotta make some more searches in google now I guess.
aur apni studdness ke barare mein kya bataaun main. For last three or four days my status on gtalk was ‘I am a rockstar.’ And just now I changed it to ‘I am not a rockstar and I don’t give autographs.’ Seriously yaar. Itna funny kaun ho sakta hai.???!

2008-03-09T12:16:00.003+05:30

Today's fortune: A thrilling time is in your immediate future

yupp. thats what it is now, i guess. today is a sunday. and i am in my office. these two sentences can be used to derive a conclusion (that i am in office on a sunday!) and ask - what the duck am i doing in my office on a sunday?

and the horrible memories of the first week of our moving into our 18k apartment comes back to me. they had said - 'store water'. and we had thought they were just kidding. but even then we asked for clarifications - 'kyun sir?? paani ki problem hai kya?'. and they said it was nothing serious. and so we moved in. and water flowing through taps was not a surprise. and then we slept. and then we woke. to a new morning - 'its a new day, its a new start (Aage ka pata nahi)' playing on the backdrop. and then we found out. No water.

abe yaar. seriously. whats wrong with me. i dont feel like completing the tale now. so the crux of the matter is that we survived a whole one week without water. can you believe that?? we will see some aunty's house's fountain spilling truck load of water, hear some aunty's cooker's city(the thing that goes up to relieve pressure with the sound zhhhhhhhoooom. earlier i thot that i didnt know its angrezi name to begin with. but now i remember that i had drawn it on one of my engineering drawing class (jissmein maine fight maarke panji yaa chhakki yaa satti lagaa li thi) so i must have known its name at that point in time.) and think ki - 'vidhata yeh anyaay kyun?? abhi toh hamaari umra bhi itni nahee huyee ki hum apne paapon ka ghadaa bhar paate. log yahan favvare lagaa rahe hain. apne cars wash kar rahe hain. aur hamaare ghar mein hugaa maarne ke liye paani nahi. kyun??'

and we will reach our office at 8 sharp ( on sundays, we could afford to be late) aur sab ke sab baathroom mein. log soch rahe hain. ki kya ho raha hai?? and the feeling that you get when you do something that you usually dont do; the feeling that everyone has stopped working and looking at what you are doing, made it sure that i dont enjoy the half an hour (i know that sounds a lot of time!) inside toilet that is so truly the best half an hour of anyone's day. and dont get your mond overworked. i am only talking about the act of defecating. who else here except me also thinks that grossness is very funny?????? :|

anyway i copy pasted today fortune because testing times have returned. god help us!

Added later: My blog sucks. now, infact, it stinks.

2008-03-01T20:23:00.000+05:30

Ab main kya bataun ki kitna khush hun main. I have been finally tagged after a long time. i had initially, at very early stage of my blogging life, resolved that i wont take up any tags. and it was kool. And then i waited for someone to tag me. as i said, i had resolved, and i was ready to play the tough cruel guy in ensuring that i wont complete the task even if people cried, immolated or died. (somebody please stop these voices up in my head. they say that now i am trying to hard to sound funny. you have got a tag to do, be humble and thankful, and just do it. SHHHHHHHHHut up!)

ok. so gazal mam has tagged me to 'write down 10 things that i hate about the opposite sex.' well, i dont really think that i hate someone or somebody, (which kind of shows my ignorance i believe, as not hating anybody at all , and mostly being indifferent, shows the lack of being opinionated) being diplomatic, i wud say that here are 10 things that i particularly dont like about gals:

1) Ajanabi gals giggling in front of ajanabi shy guys. Mat hanso yaar. Some colleagues are laughing over coffee, the dabee huyee hansi, where they want to make sure that i dont get the slightest idea that they are laughing (how kind!) and i am thinking ki kahin meri zip toh nahi khuli rah gayee. Only if we cud disappear in thin air, things cud be handled in far more effective ways.

2) Dont smile. Seriously, or at least be discreet. I was reading this novel by Wodehouse, where he describes the moment when apna hero falls in love with apni heroine. they both are traveling together in a train. and then they reach to their destination the next day, very early in the morning. the hero has had a really bad time, because the girl has been rude to him all this while. and then the hero goes to see around if anybody has come to pick them up. and in the mean time the girl thinks. she is not feeling well because she has been rude to him. and she decides to make some allowance and SMILES as she sees him coming back. and that was the moment when our confused hero realises that he has fallen in love.seriously yaar,(now its me directly talking to young, haaatt, careless gals), you guys have no idea what a smile can do to young, single, desperate guys. its a deadly weapon. and as they say, with power comes the responsibility. Anyway, the novel is 'Something Fresh' and you have got to read it. Best novel ever written.

3) Umm. Well women do seem complicated. Most of the time, while we try to impress them, obviously by speaking what they want to hear from us, we find that they find us fake. And its not only that. They will push us until we accept that we were indeed faking. Uhh. well, trying hard is not required. but let us just respect those who indeed try hard.

4) Okk. i have run out of points now. speaking of which i should just remind you all that i sud be the last person to be talking about females. i can count the total number of female contacts i have had till now on my finger tips. Seriously, I cant even get another point now. Okk heres one. Gals itni muggai mat karo yaar. Speaking of which I sud mention the DR ONE (bole toh department rank one)of our batch. She was originally from Metallurgical engineering and got a ‘branch change’ in second year and so she got into chemical engineering. The day this was announced one of my hostelites, who was also my dost ( as I called everyone else dost, and everyone else called me dost!) and was in meta and was also a big muggu told me with a pleasant smile(cos she was leaving his department) ki ‘beta, is duniya mein chahe koi kitna bhi mug le, usse jyada nahi mug sakta. Haha’ and I replied, ‘ ki hum kya farak padega, apan toh chhakki wale hain, aur chhakki wale rahenge. DRs ko honi chahiye fight life mein. Haha!’ toh ladkiyon.. ladko ko ek chance do. Itna mat muggo yaar. Please. Main aapke haath kaan paav jodta hun. Mat muggo itna.

5) ab yeh last point hone wala hai. Isse jyada toh nahi ho paayega. Bachchon aur unke uncles ko aaram se ‘ogling’ karne doh yaar. Wapas mud ke mat dekho. I remember one time, during one of the ppts (pre placement talk that is) one of my friends was staring at one of the girls (uske chehre pe woh tezzz tha.. you know. Dekhne se hee pata chal raha tha ki banda aaj finally khus hai.) par nahin. Ladki peeche mud ke dekhi. Aur apne dost ki literally fatt gayi. Mat karo yaar aisha. We all are a sad bunch of guys. Dekhne doh hamein. Please.

Okk. now I have got a millions options and selecting just five is difficult. I love difficulties. I will select just two. Mishti. And Crimemaster. Do it whenever you guys feel like doing it.

Chalo main ghar chala ab. Roadies miss ho gayaa yaar.

2008-02-25T22:52:00.003+05:30

Abhinav Jain bhagwaan hai. the kind of comments he gets. bhagwaan. kaise kar lete ho aap yeh?? seriously yaar. kaise??? many things are indeed admirable about him. first one being ki logo ne uski alag alag tarike se lene ki kosis ki but he never banned anonymous comments. i wish i was in such positions where random people will post mean comments on my blog. and second thing that i believe he can see beyond most people. ab i amnot sure what i mean by that. i see at the kind of comments he gets, full of advice with all that motherly sisterly brotherly affection. aur i think that he doesnt need any advise. he knows what he has got to do. one such comment says ki he might be the next chetan bhagat. aur i say, 'yeh chetan bhagat kaun hai be?' seriously. that man is nothing if you compare him with apna abhi. i did not get to read his five point someone in first year because some other ass got it issued from our hostel library and i had felt like putting the library into fire. and i think about that time now and the belief that i have always been this stupid gets stronger.

anyway. he gets the comment because people care for him. nobody cares for me. maa. i am so jealous.

anyway, if you have just started visiting his blog and believe that he is very gud at blogging, go check his archives of times when he used to be at IIM C(okk i earlier thot it sud be IIM K). He was exceptional. He was mind boggling. The kind that i used to write when nobody was thr to appreciate them. seriously yaar. mere archives mein bhi kuch anmol ratan ke jaise post pade huye hain. i dont really expect you to go thru the trouble of going thru each of them (cos even that time i used to write shitty shit once in a while!) so i am thinking about just reposting them. what say you guys! i know you cant wait!

2008-02-24T17:15:00.005+05:30

Chuckie returns to a table where Will, Morgan and Billy have made themselves comfortable. He [Chuckie] spots two ATTRACTIVE YOUNG HARVARD WOMEN sitting together at the end of the bar.

Chuckie struts his way toward the women and pulls up a chair.
He flashes a smile and tries to submerge his thick Boston accent.

CHUCKIE: Hey, how's it goin'?
LYDIA: Fine.
SKYLAR: Okay.
CHUCKIE: So, you ladies ah, go to school here?
LYDIA: Yes.
CHUCKIE: Yeah, cause I think I had a class with you.

At this point, several interested parties materialize. Morgan Billy and Will try, as inconspicuously as possible, to situate themselves within listening distance. A rather large student in a HARVARD LACROSSE sweatshirt, CLARK (22) notices Chuckie.
He [Clark] walks over to Skylar and Lydia, nobly hovering over them as protector. This gets Will, Morgan, and Billy's attention.

SKYLAR:What class?
CHUCKIE: Ah, history I think.
SKYLAR: Oh...
CHUCKIE: Yah, it's not a bad school...

At this point, Clark can't resist and steps in.

CLARK: What class did you say that was?
CHUCKIE: History.
CLARK: How'd you like that course?
CHUCKIE: Good, it was all right.
CLARK: History? Just "history?" It must have been a survey course then.

Chuckie nods. Clark notices Chuckie's clothes. Will and Bill exchange a look and move subtly closer.

CLARK: Pretty broad. "History of the World?"
CHUCKIE: Hey, come on pal we're in classes all day. That's one thing about Harvard never seizes to amaze me, everybody's talkin' about school all the time.
CLARK: Hey, I'm the last guy to want to talk about school at the bar. But as long as you're here I want to "seize" the opportunity to ask you a question.
Billy shifts his beer into his left hand. Will and Morgan see this. Morgan rolls his eyes as if to say "not again..."

CLARK: Oh, I'm sure you covered it in your history class.
Clark looks to see if the girls are impressed. They are not.

When Clark looks back to Chuckie, Skylar turns to Lydia and rolls her [own] eyes. They laugh. Will sees this and smiles.

CHUCKIE: To tell you the truth, I wasn't there much. The class was rather elementary.
CLARK: Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt it was. I remember the class, it was just between recess and lunch.

Will and Billy come forward, stand behind Chuckie.

CHUCKIE: All right, are we gonna have a problem?
CLARK: There's no problem. I was just hoping you could give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the early colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War the economic modalities especially of the southern colonies could most aptly be characterized as agrarian precapitalist and...

Will, who at this point has migrated to Chuckie's side and is completely fed-up, includes himself in the conversation.

WILL: Of course that's your contention. You're a first year grad student. You just finished some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison prob'ly, and so naturally that's what you believe until next month when you get to James Lemon and get convinced that Virginia and Pennsylvania were strongly entrepreneurial and capitalist back in 1740. That'll last until sometime in your second year, then you'll be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood about the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.
CLARK(taken aback): Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of..
WILL: "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth..." You got that from "Work in Essex County," Page 421, right? Do you have any thoughts of your own on the subject or were you just gonna plagiarize the whole book for me?

Clark is stunned.

WILL: Look, don't try to pass yourself off as some kind of an intellect at the expense of my friend just to impress these girls.

Clark is lost now, searching for a graceful exit, any exit.

WILL: The sad thing is, in about 50 years you might start doin' some thinkin' on your own and by then you'll realize there are only two certainties in life.
CLARK: Yeah? What're those?
WILL: One, don't do that. Two -- you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on an education you coulda' picked up for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.

Will catches Skylar's eye.

CLARK: But I will have a degree, and you'll be serving my kids fries at a drive through on our way to a skiing trip.
WILL(smiles): Maybe. But at least I won't be a prick. And if you got a problem with that, I guess we can step outside and deal with it that way.

While Will is substantially smaller than Clark, he [Clark] not to take Will up on his [Will's] offer.

WILL: If you change your mind, I'll be over by the bar.

He turns and walks away. Chuckie follows, throwing Clark a look.

Morgan turns to a nearby girl.

MORGAN: My boy's wicked smart.

AT THE BAR -- LATER

Will sits with Morgan at the bar watching with some amusement as Chuckie and Billy play bar basketball game where the players shoot miniature balls at a small basket. In the B.G. occasionally we hear Chuckie shouting "Larry!", when he scores.

Skylar emerges from the crowd and approaches Will.

SKYLAR: You suck.
WILL: What?
SKYLAR: I've been sitting over there for forty-five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you.
WILL: I'm Will.
SKYLAR: Skylar. And by the way. That guy over there is a real dick and I just wanted you to know he didn't come with us.
WILL: I kind of got that impression.
SKYLAR: Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up early and waste some more money on my overpriced education.
WILL: I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe...
SKYLAR: Here's my number.

Skylar produces a folded piece of paper and offers it to Will.

SKYLAR: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
WILL: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
SKYLAR: What?
WILL: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
SKYLAR(laughs): Okay, sounds good.

She turns.

WILL: Five minutes.
SKYLAR: What?
WILL: I was trying to be smooth. (indicates clock) But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come over there and talk to you.
SKYLAR: See, it's my life story. Five minutes and I would have got to hear your best pick-up line.
WILL: The caramel thing is my pick-up line.
SKYLAR: Glad I came over.

2008-02-24T15:35:00.005+05:30

ok, in case you did not notice, last post was not completely complete and i had to abandon it just wen i was about to write its climax. earlier it sounded like a very sound idea- to divide the post in two part so as to keep my avid readers waiting and contemplating and hence giving the post its rightful platform- but now seeing the response, i am not very curious about completely completing the post. but i still will. i remember the kind of huge response that i had got for my original stories. india mein talent ki koi ijjat nahi hai. anyway, to start those kind of stories again is stil one of the possibilities and in fact, i am going to use that as a weapon the day i decide to shoo away all my readers (including the silent admirers that i believe must be in thousands in number) to regenerate myself or in more sophisticated terms, upgrade myself. 'myself' has never been my favorite term and i would scrap it off my dictionary anyday. talking of dictionary, i was indulged in my favourite activity-that of checking the orkut profiles of my friends and random people- wen i got bored and decided to write this crappy post; and i read the quote "Dictionary is the only place where death comes before life, success before work, but the best part is friends come before relatives." Well it would have been a lot better if it was truncated right after 'work' but still it was new to me and so i liked it.

whatelse? okk, i sud finish my previous post. so i was talking about my studdness. so in my urge to prove my studness, i will tell the girl that what i think about her and the way she thinks in whole truth. And it will irritate her and my chance to get the girl will decrease exponentially. now lets take B. He thinks that he is studd too. And in predicting the girl he thinks that he is as good as i think i am. but here is where the similarities end. the next plan of action is of utmost important. and he might be as good at heart as i think i am, he will play his part to ensure his victory. okk. everything i wrote above was not really required and the one sentence which wud have done the trick was 'He will try to manipulate the girl and make sure that the girl is crazy about him in exactly 10 days.'

And the original plan was to write some more crap and convince myself as well as you to believe that i am the real studd. the crap would be something like if the girl was easily manipulated then she was not the one worth investing so much efforts in. but then it doesnt sound right coming from a guy who takes pride in narrating his acts of stupidity.

here is a pic to end this disappointing post.

while the credit for this 'fulaa hua chapati' sud go to the hands holding the 'chimta', i take pride in the fact ki yeh roti maine bela hai.

2008-02-19T19:22:00.000+05:30

So we went to AjantHa hotel this afternoon to have our lunch. And going to AjantHa or Adigas to have ones lunch is never a very exciting proposition anyday. But it was a very fortunate day indeed. On our way to the hotel we saw a VERY hot aunty in green sari. She was the difining example of the word ‘Extreme Maal’ coined by me. Now calling aunty to such a hot woman would be insulting to many but using ‘aunty’ here is my way of showing her that I mean no disrespect. Crap. I think aunty word itself is very hott.

SO I have been shifted to a new place. And let us just say that my desk is no longer an ideal place to access blogger. Sad. I know. But you know what the sadder part of the whole story is?? Pretending that you are actually working while you type a post on outlook.

Whats next? Believe me there is nothing as interesting as watching a query run for 1 hour. I am sure by the time I am done writing this post, it will still be running. So I had a profound thought the other day. It was about studness. I had almost deciphered the differentiating factor between studs and non-studs. And as Pondy (the much talked about pondy was here with me on this weekend) told me how desperate I am to be always talking about girls, I would illustrate my theory by giving an example where the criterion of evaluating studness is getting a girl. So lets assume I am a stud. Ok. Rephrased. I think I am a stud. I believe that gals are intelligent (1). And the way to impress a girl is being utterly honest and telling right at her face that what you think she is thinking (2). As I said I am stud, and hence I have logic behind each of my assumptions. Historical data about the girl I want to impress will tell me that she is intelligent. If the case is other wise, I wont even dream of impressing that girl as only an intelligent girl can value me for the studdness that I have, and not for my impressive personality, my six figure salary, my extremely refined sense of humor, my exquisite table manners, my heroic endeavors where I saved her from a group of goons and my biceps, triceps, quadraceps, hexaceps. | thak gaya yaar|

SO now that I have justified my assumptions as much as the assumptions taken into Generaal theory of relativity, I will go forward to explaining the most probable outcome of this stand. First she will be impressed. For sure. But soon she will be annoyed.

Okk I gotta go.

2008-02-13T19:34:00.002+05:30

8^th Feb: Propose Day

9^th Feb: Chocolate Day

10^th Fed: Teddy Day

11^th Fed: Promise Day

12^th Feb: Hug Day

!3th Feb: Kiss Day

14^th Feb: Valentine’s Day

Enjoy Valentine's Week.

This was an sms that I got from one of my friends. No point for guessing that he was a ‘boy’friend. They talk about equality for women. When are they going to message such messages to their dear friends like me?

Anyway. Back to the point. I thot it very creative of my friend to have come up with such an exhaustive list. I wud have had hug day a day later than the kiss day though. Anyway, back to the point. And the point is, that one of my friends from my huge list of ‘boy’friends also knew about the valentine week and on Kiss Day he smsed ‘Today is the kiss day. Am I going to get one from you?’ to one of his friend from his very short list of ‘girl’friends. And while he knew that no response will ever come he waited. He waited. Because he knew smsing was just a part of setting up the mood and he didn’t want the decent girl - that he believed her to be – to be answering to such idiotic smses. So he called her. And he heard the laugh that had made her heart stop beating for almost always. Anyway, he was about to explain her that it was no joke – the content of the sms that is – but he ran out of balance and I am still wondering what the result of his efforts has been.

Well the story doesn’t end here. It doesn’t even start here. It starts from a list. A list of girls that have ever had the misfortune of knowing him. And it was a sorted list. With the girl, having highest probability of accepting his proposal (I know it sounds too professional!) - which by the way was little less than 1 in a million or billion – at the very top of the list. Now this friend is very dear to me. And so I have taken the liberty of making fun of him. So as any sound forecasting model would have predicted his proposals were not met with responses that he expected. But he hasn’t given up. And while we talked last night on phone on this great human endeavor he even tried to convince me of using this great idea of proposing each and every girl that I have known in this or previous 10 births. The idea was that if girl acknowledges your eternal love for her in this and 10 previous birth of yours, you have succeeded otherwise just say that you just pulled a prank. Well, I said I will use this great idea on April 1^st.

For the time being I think I should just scrap some random girl on Orkut that I am a very desperate guy who has never had any valentine for last 22 years and if they want to do a good deed on February the 14th they could just scrap 'I love you' in my scrapbook.

Great! Happy Valentine’s Day!