I suddenly feel like writing this. Many people have left the company. I don’t like it at all. I am very ignorant by the way. But once in a while, you find people that you don’t want to lose.

Shit. I never thought I will start a post like this. It’s become an infinite loop kinda problem. I mean I don’t want to write because I think there is no need of writing. And then I want to remember this and I say I write it down anyway. But then I want to write minimum and drawing the line for minimum is absolutely difficult.

For example, I feel like going ahead and deleting whatever I wrote. But then its been so long that I posted something. But surely I have become impatient – with myself and others.

Anyway, I wanted to write this post to talk about this friend who left the company few days ago. He said that he thought I was a ‘better him’ and I was not sure if that was a complement. But he is from IIMK and sent me songs like Romeo and Juliet and To Moon & Back. So I think it should be complement.

Anyway, I am going peripheral again. Shit.

So like few months back, we are on this resort for a team outing. And everything is almost fine. But then they take us to this dance floor and ask us to dance. And I am like.. I cant watch myself dance..how can I torture other people. Anyway, the overall idea is that it all seems so bloody forced. And the sad part is that you eventually get so used to it that you don’t even realize that it is forced.

Anyway, so I come out for a smoke. And there is this guy sitting there smoking. We have not been introduced formally. So I go few steps ahead and start my sutta break. And then after completing his smoke he comes to me and says whether he could share my smoke. And I say yes. And then we start talking. It was like in a movie.

So we start talking about life. How seeking enjoyment (happiness would have been much stronger a word) could be depressing. You know the moments that you know that you have connected with someone and you stop bullshitting and say the truth. It was such a conversation. I want to remember that for rest of my life.

And then for few days I avoided him intentionally. I am still fearful about my sexuality rather. (I just get this feeling now, that 100 years later people will come across this text to decipher the mystery behind greatness that was me, and they will conclude that I was gay!)

And then we became normal. People connected to each other by the need of a cigarette. And as they say..rest is not history yet.

By the way..the earlier part of this post was written few days before. And rest I completed just now.

And the event that triggered the completion was one of frustration. You know you get frustrated and you start solving math problems. I get frustrated and I listen to lady gaga’ bad romance. Then I get some more depressed and then I write this.

But the tragic event was the realization that I have been frustrated for few days now. I need a break. I have been on loose. I need some self control.