Swami Vivekanand writes in his autobiography of traveling Kashmir and feeling intense anguish on seeing the desecration of innumerable temples by invaders. He fell at the feet of divine mother in a Kali temple and asked, 'How could you let this happen, Mother? Why did you permit this desecration?' In response, the Divine Mother appeared in his heart and admonished him 'What is it to you, Vivekanand, if the invader breaks my images? Do you protect me, or do I protect you?'

(Open Page, The Hindu, Nov 28, 2010)

As I Walked Out One Evening
by W. H. Auden

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
'Love has no ending.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

'I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

'The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
'O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

'In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

'In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

'Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

'O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

'The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

'Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

'O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

What's with these songs? Such beautiful lyrics. Were they all in love?? It makes one wonder.

Tu is tarah se meri zindagi mein shamil hai,
Jahan bhi jaaun, yeh lagta hai, teri mahfil hai.

It's been my theme song for two consecutive phases now. One, when I suddenly realized that I liked the smell of smoke. And the phase that I am right now in.

It gets better.

Yeh aasmaan, yeh baadal, yeh raaste yeh hawaa,
Harek cheez hai apni jagah thikaane se.
Kai dino se shikayat nahi jammane se.

And all the other songs have a new flavor to them because of her. I should seriously write her down before it gets contaminated. You see I could have never written last line. Before killing myself that is.

I could write a post a day for her.

So this is what it does to you. I would like to think of them as indicators. Indicators that are just trying to consolidate my resolve. I find her everywhere. I was on the airport. And she was there. For a brief moment I laughed at myself. Thinking that it can’t be and it’s just part of my imagination. But then with each passing moment, she became more of her. The way she flicked her hair. The way she smiled. The way she looked (at things around her). I actually walked up to her. Can you believe that? Of course, only to find that she was not her. I should have talked to her anyways. This one would have been my backup plan in case she couldn’t be with me. But seriously, the moment I was sitting right in front of her, I was so scared of this feeling of such mammoth force. And I was more scared because I was walking this unknown territory with my own false perception of maturity.

But she has made me aware of her in ways that no one else has been able to. Seriously.