What is maturity? Risk averseness. Thinking about it for more than a day and specifically while bathing I realized that it is not that. It's being good at assessing risk and taking a decision to do it and then not regretting the consequence.

What causes regret? Is it general lack of information while making a decision? Or is it knowing that you knew what needed to be done but you opted for something easier?

What are my deeper regrets? What are my biggest humiliations? What are my deepest fears? They define who i'm because I would never share them with anyone else? Or are they chains that keep me from expressing myself completely?

Where do we go now?

We go towards answers? So many question marks. Enough of them already.

How do I summarize the time that I'm living in? What is the setting? I'm 29. Supposedly underpaid. Living with friends. Working in dh. Reasonable work hours. Cooking. Watching House. Game of thrones. Reading Midnight's children. Trying to read history of India.  Getting irritated by people. With myself. Singing songs to freak out gals that sit opposite to me. Not talking much to people. Aiming to be kind. Getting disappointed at every realization that I was trying to be smart. Coding. Scripting. Listening to heart beats. Trying to calm down. Trying to be in touch with people. Knowing that it is not possible.

What does that sum up to? Am I happy? Am I at least trying? Is that important? Being happy I mean.

Nieces. Future.

What is going to be my legend?

imagine a world without cars
no noises, no pollution, no traffic
but that is not it. is it?
why does everything has two sides to it?
no travelling, rather no need of travelling
to a place rather quickly
no roads as well?!
no aeroplanes or trains either?
why is evolution so linear?
no great demand for petroleum oil?
no war?
i think i have taken it too far

is this really hatred to technological advancement
or is it its abuse?
are cars really sick of men too
like agent smith

what do i want?
a closure, that elusive closure..