i drove my friends motorcycle for about 2 months i guess when he was not here. i dont have a license and i know i should get one. there was one particular instance when i got held up by police and was asked to show my papers etc. after about ten minutes, i had to give them 500 bucks cause i did not have hundreds. i remember asking one of them if he had change.

for earlier part, it was so bloody dangerously exciting. and there were close encounters as well. yeah, and i drew some parallels as i so often do now a days. being always under control or anticipating moves or breakers. yeah, driving can teach you a lot.

i keep on getting signals that i need to be better at organization and communication. aah, there was a time when i thought that as i get more polished externally i will lose the rawness that can make me great. i don't feel that that often now. i think i have already lost it.

and i was talking to a friend about how we should use analytics in solving bangalore's traffic problem. and i realised that i would love to do my further studies in this field. i need to follow this much awaited lead.

so there are these gals in my previous team i want to write about. i am only too aware that the post will only try to capture unsuccessfully how strongly i have felt about them. but i think it will be better than forgetting about it completely.

i have spoken quite a few times about my fascination with phrases. particularly about 'sense of duty.'

so there is this girl who has established quite a standard with her sense of duty. amazing she is. as all of them are. but she is a personal favorite.

i have moved to a different team and i don't get to interact with them quite often. but i ask them at times to join me for a snack break once in while. i don't usually prefer asking people for joining me for any kind of break. but there company i truly enjoy and i am sure they enjoy mine as well. but i have to be careful in asking them to join me because most likely they will join me even if they had other important things on their mind - i feel and have always felt a sense of responsibility when i interact with them. i am far from political correctness and they are well aware of it as well. but there are times when i am very tensed. and it shows. terrible mood swings that i have - as R1 pointed out in one of our snack breaks. she is specially concerned for me i guess. yeah so she said that i usually have terrible mood swings. she casually added that i should have noticed that the team did not bother me much when i was in a 'bad' mood and i said instantly 'was that because of you?'. and now when i think i am sure of it.

i hope that any of the above written text does not make any sense. to anybody else because it perfectly does. to me.

her parents should be so proud of her. she is like the perfect kid. you know how you always feel that 'familiarity breeds contempt'? and that basically stops you from attempting to know more about another person that you hold in very high regard - in due course of time i have come to know few things about her and it has just made me a bigger fan and a better person maybe. there are far more memories and i think I will write them down. and may be I will not post this entry. or may be i will.

when i joined the team, it was not on a good note. i had tried quitting the company and i was stupid as i am now. anyway, i went through this phase where i analysed myself as a person and established that i was a coward. but before that i was in a mode where i thought that i was doing everybody a great deal of favor by staying here. yeah, that feeling..

Anyway, i am not much of an interaction guy, and now when i look back i have a real hard time figuring out when exactly we clicked. i remember few specific instances. one, where she said that they(the kids) will not be afraid of me just because i was shouting on top of my voice. and that was when i realized that my way of talking actually bordered to shouting and then i took sometime in explaining how that was my natural way of speaking. and they completely got me. seriously now that i look back i cannot even recall who these kids were before these specific instances. i was generally mad at myself and i was so much into coding. that was best phase of my professional career i guess.

there was another instance where she had one chocolate and i wanted her to give it to me. instead she gave it to someone else. and i got mad. then went out and when i came back she had saved a very small portion of the chocolate. and i took it happily. i mentioned this because given that she didn't give me the chocolate at that time and having known her since then i am sure she didn't give it to me because she didn't like me. another point about her - she is very selective about her friends.

then there was a phase when she was my 'go-to' girl whenever i wanted to have something done. I always had a feeling that she wouldn't disappoint me and she never did. so if it was to follow-up with IT to restart a remote machine or getting a thali for lunch, she was always there. once i realized this i couldn't ask for anything unnecessary - even as a joke.

and then there was a phase when a friend and the lead of the team was asked to leave the team. that was some time. i felt so let down by the team. every day i would contemplate leaving the team or the company. i just couldn't understand. i still can't understand. but i think it's OK. maybe i will ask her but mostly i wont.

And then there was a phase when she had almost left the company. hehe.

And then there is this phase where all i am is thankful. to have known her.