It was a Saturday. I got a call from my brother in law. He said that he was forced to observe fast on the occasion of Shivaratri. And I thought I will not eat today as well. I thought I will do it the proper way and hence not drink water as well. I felt ridiculous at the thought of not having done it before. 27 years already, high time. But then I became little reasonable. I said I will drink water. So I went to meet my friend as planned. He asked me whether I wanted to eat. I said no. He said OK and started eating. And I started eating as well.

Why am I writing this? I definitely had a point.

Yes. So I am trying to define ultimate rule set. Things that I will do when encountered with the mammoth task of making a decision.

So I went home. I didn't smoke for a week. While I was at it I though that I will not smoke again for rest of my life. I had tried that before. I met recently-to-be-engaged Mr J and I thought that I will smoke as soon as I had company. I came back and did not smoke for 5 days. Then I smoked again. Today I smoked again. What is the rule set here?

One rule, working for sure, is that all rules can be bent. Unless I make that an official rule and then break it. Not funny at all.

But what's with this? I think it could be a good life. Rule based. I am experimenting with them. That's the only way to truth. Experiments. Otherwise you will never know.

I am procrastinating again. You would not believe it but I spelled that in one shot straight. I get a feeling that I am about to do something. I just need to get the feeling that I am 'in the moment'. For quite sometime I have been looking at myself as someone from outside. I need to take control, talk less and do something.

i was sitting on this railing kind of structure waiting for my friends to come back. and i was thinking about what it is that makes someone great. essentially about its knowing what to do and then having the courage to do it. intelligence and courage, i summarised. at that point, it struck to me that i had arrived at these two qualities with some logical deduction which appeared very novel, but as i write this i am not very impressed.

so a friend visited. met him almost after 5 years. wow. and it didnt feel like he has changed. whcih basically proves tht people dont change. and is that not true?! we only learn to manipulate our image.

so suppose, that this world started with an initial state. and there are n variables that define that state. if you believe in cause and effect which incidently i do, you should be able to clearly draw out a map of all future states.

but there has to be an element of randomness and that is why i think that initial state must have been in an equilibrium with equal probability of things turning their course into two opposite sides. and ones they are far from that equilibrium state it can not be reversed.

at this point in time, i have a strong urge to put a disclaimer that says that i feel idiotic pretending that i have realised something new, and even though i have done it already, i resolve to not do that in future. in a way, this is one disclaimer for all future posts.

coming back to the point - people not changing - is true but there are still some traits that they have not shown - and these are the traits that should be exhibited with extreme care to draw that map of future and may be that is why you should take extra time to resolve your moral dilemma because once you have decided everything else is benchmarked and kind of decided.

i know that few examples and a smoother language would have made this post really thought provoking. for the time being, i am just happy that i was able to put it out as text.