AUGUST 5?  yes. no major epiphanies yet. i actually mistyped 'epiphanies' before and one of the suggested words was phoniness.

anyway, where was i? or more importantly, where am i? you know, the quintessential 'existential' question? do i belong here and if not here than where kinds.

so while i stay at home to nurse my fractured collar bone, i thought i would give this question some more thoughts.

i watched few of the woody allen movies and i must say that i identify with the guy. unsure, pseudo-intellectual and almost pathetic, i am starting to wonder how he managed to move on. inspirational stuff.

one of the short term goals would be to chase after material success. money, i meant. and comfort. one of the drivers is to see if over indulgence finally wears it off.

the way to the goal - i need to be good at communication. stop seeing it as a way of tricking people into believing that you are saying something important and see it as a major tool like sas that can be used at different level of expertise and should be perfected even if there is no reason for doing it. but i do see alot many usage of it - it will help me set expectations correctly, it will make my unwillingness to communicate proactively barely feasible and on the way i could analyze my weaknesses and bask in the contradictory glory.

whats the matter with my communication in addition to my unwillingness to accept its importance -

balance, i need to appreciate the balance, like getting the amount of salt correctly in a dish. i have a content that i want to share, but i don't want to memorize it all because then i am not participating in the conversation as the sudden objective become to be done with the conversation in a single breath.
but i should have an organization of thoughts, major bullet points that i want covered.

now the one hand i am using to type it is in pain and i want to finish it now.

some finer points were - pauses, emphasis, repetitiveness, summarization, to the point.