Just watched some dance videos from college. It must feel so high - dancing. And here I am - getting high on writing SAS programs (it made me think). It’s not too bad I hope. Anyway, I feel so saturated nowadays - the feeling that there is no new thing to be done. I hate the feeling. Someday, I will study psychology. Someday, I will write a poem. Someday, I will read all this and feel that I never had the courage.

Anyway, I also suddenly see my convictions challenged, my methods changing. I have believed in chaos of thoughts for sometime. Perfection of the evaluator. Cynical idealism. Abstract and unexplained ideas. That ‘lost in translation’ crap that has stopped me from conveying them to the others or myself. But I think I am giving it a shot now - to not being presumptuous or charitable. Someday I will not be afraid and I will be free. That last line was intentionally random.

You know I am a fighter. I am fighting the urge of deleting everything written above because I know I am writing it for you. Are you impressed? I don’t care I guess. But denial is always a proof. And that is why I am not deleting it.

I also wanted to write about something else. Yeah - you know those ‘perfect match’ sections in those social networking site? I would have written ‘where familiarity does not breed contempt’. Smells of originality?? But still stinks.