What do I do with those moments of clarity? I wake up and I know what exactly needs to be done. And then I wake up to reality.
Is being scared the defining element of my reality?
What's really scary is that I will cease to have them eventually. And then maybe I will be happy. Happy and a bit of not me.
Anyway, I wanted to write this for Raul. You know I'm swyping it and it came as Raul so Raul it is.
I'm sad that I'm going to lose him. But this post is a bread crumb maybe. And maybe it will help me find him again.
What do I say about him? Sometimes he makes me extremely sad because he reminds me of me.
Sometimes he talks. Actually he talks a lot. Like it will lead him to truth. Or like he will create the truth. Or like it's the only way to kill time.
And does he crib? It makes me worry. It's like he has this super power to see what is not correct. Except that maybe it's not a super power but a weakness.
I wish I could end this at a happy note.
Some day I will try.