i had something to write about. cant remember it now. that is one of the reasons why i wanted to buy note. dont have enough money though.

i was just looking at a rooftop view of a landscape most probably taken in Bangalore. I will own a home at 19th floor of some building in Bangalore. I like the idea.


for sometime now, i cannot sleep. is it ac? is it physical discomfort to begin with. dont know.

yess. now i remember. i wanted to write about mag n. he is one of a kind. and he irritates the heck out of me. but i like him. mostly because i think that he gives me the feeling that i understand him. that was some realization.

and i remember again. i have an inertia towards change. seriously man. you need to be in control. understatement. dont worry if you are not completely expressed by the time you die, it will still be better than adulteration. be thankful. but be quiet.

and i remember again. i wanted to talk about the idea of home. i could write an article on it. i remember about it when i hear - where do we go now?! - played. that one phrase sums up the idea of home. you can always go home. that is your exit strategy.

also i need to relax and not care for few things irrelevant. see how that turns out. dont pretend that you care. be honest etc.

this turned out to be above average post.

what do i want to write.

on my flight, back from raipur, i gathered courage and vanity to talk to a girl sitting next. it was inspiring. thanks to mag n.

and what else? this is may. supposed to be very hot. as a child, i liked summer. i did my bit of kite making and kite flying. and we generally roamed around. on burning earth. played cricket. it was good. definitely.

i cant remember when i was happy the last time. i see some fleeting images. but not any concrete incidences.  first year at iit was the best. infinite lukhkhaness. will never come back.

for a couple of weeks now, i get a depressing feeling at morning. not good.

finished reading anna karenina. i dont feel like reading anything else now. bought a book on indian history but it would be a long time before i read it.

what else? i need to find a way of passing time. killing time rather.

this is a depressing post. like most of my depressing post, i think it is pointedly exaggerated and i am not as sad.

after so long.

i went home. came back. bought a dongle back home and now we video chat. great stuff.

i fell sick. the normal kind. the one that makes you miss your family terribly and make u wish that u had the courage to quit and return. this is not the first time i fell sick. i felt sick at iit. realized there that if you have fever you shud not wrap yourself in blanket, rather endure the coldness and hopefully fever will go.

in bangalore, it was more terrible, u were supposed to go office and work. shit that was some experience. how did i get better. i guess it was a matter of time. i will eventually go and see a doctor. have blood test etc. a friend recommended dolo 650 and that was a life saver.

here in gurgaon, i went office but was scolded and sent back. a colleague/friend also took me to see a doctor. real nice of him. and i did not go office for the rest of the week and missed  home terribly. multiple times i thought how i was gonna spend my rest of life. places like these give u a feeling of being stuck forever.

i also went and watched a movie alone. did not like it much. vicky donor.

what else can be done. i am generally fine with being alone. i should not think that i am missing out on life.

and work is particularly boring these days.

ok. wrapping it up.