This is 200th. I wanted to write that I want to make it special but I really dont. I will write few things here and there. In my earlier analysis, I had established how the number of posts is inversely proportional to quality of posts for a given duration. i think that is true. but mostly i guess it has to do with freshness of the posts. i think i will pull one this off quite decently.

and its 10 already? i completed one month in this part of the world. good good. and i want to finally settle in raipur. yess. i will own a home in bangalore as well. but that is different.

and how completely real things look. so completely within reach. its unbelievable at times. but then you become aware.

aah. i just remembered what i actually wanted to write about. when was the last time you heard your heart beat so loud you got scared that it would burst open. arent those the moments that you are so so aware that you are alive? extreme emotions. fear is one of them. and may be love is the extreme. okk.. now you think i wrote all this to talk about love. i wrote this last line in fond memory of more energetic ignorant happy and young me - i could have written rest of this post just in this point - i was talented back then. haha. i feel fresh.

coming back to the point - it was that night when i wanted to sleep to be able to wake up early next morning - i got so scared i woke up. and i thanked god as never before to have friends come over to my place for visiting me. i had two pegs, we listened to old hindi songs, mostly from pyasa and talked about how handsome dharmendra was and how talented sanjeev kumar was. good times - completely justifies consumption of alcohol.

another night was when i prepared some material for sas training. shit, it sounded so stupid. it still does. it was four in the morning and few hours before we get into session. i was so bloodly proud and happy, i could not sleep thinking i wish i had the class right now so i could teach them.

and to end the post - how much do you know yourself if you have never been in a fight? that is from fight club.

path to self discovery, is it?

it was 'timing', 'packaging' and 'summarization'.

the secret to money making is same as that to comedy - timing. i picked that up from 'a good day'. you need to be really thoughtful when you decide to take plunge. and i can recite examples of blunders that i have dont in term of timing it extremely wrong. however, i shouldn't think about it much. its only in the hind sight that you recognise simplicity of affairs. but it is still very difficult to keep it simple. i understand that quite well now.

i am diverting in thoughts now. i tend to be very mindful of what a stranger is thinking of me. i think its because of my self-deprecating behavior. i need to keep a check on it. the sad part is that the people that i know very well, i find it easier to say no to them. that last sentence does not make sense at all. and i dont mean just grammatically.

coming to packaging - isn't that the most important part of selling? i need to understand vanity and importance of this. projections are reality anyway. this world is not like matrix.. it is matrix.

and to know truly, you need to summarize accurately. that means taking much trouble in filtering and searching till you get what you want. a book that translates my technical understanding to philosophy of life is much awaited, i guess.

one more thing, i don't know why but i project this image of uncertainty around people mostly strangers - i think its my sad way of connecting with them. but there are people just talking to whom makes me know what i want. Isnt it too good a feeling to have such people around you?

It's big time that i start writing a book. i still feel that it will be a while before it slides all down-hill.

and i received roses from a girl. thank you.

I have something stuck between one of my teeth and i feel like using a gun to bring it out.

so its been so long since i last posted. i didnt have a laptop when i moved here and primary reason for me buying this was to be able to posted. it made me realise how much i liked blogging. i actually started writing stuff down on a diary. most of it was a more elaborate version of 'i am stupid' but what the heck! my hand writing is particularly bad. now that i have all the time in the world, maybe i will get my hand writing to a decent level. may be learn calligraphy etc.

see i had so much to write about and i am writing all the nonsense. and i am not even writing it to sound funny. Reading my past posts have become a habit lately. and i like the ones written very early (2007) and the later ones (2009-2010). transition time is always bad i guess.

as always i am doing a lot of self analysis now. the only question that remains now is - should i get polished or not? is it really worth it. maybe i will write a rulebook on how i intend to behave.

i also wanted to write about 'timing', 'packaging' and 'i forgot what it was'. well lets not bore ourselves by talking about what prompted me to say that.

have a happy new year satish.