Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever, no
And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Somethimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong
Standin' on a mama's porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
14th Jan 2007. i was offered this job. three years already. damn.
2010. we are growing very old. for good i guess. i like getting old.
damn. i had so much to talk about. cant think of anything now.
i once saw this interview of devanand with simi garewal. she asked him - 'why did you leave your town and came all the way up to bombay to become an actor?'. he said - 'i dont know. i must have looked myself in the mirror.'. i like devanand. i watched him in 'guide' sometime back. the man, sure, was ahead of his time.
i am thinking about buying some books on human psychology or may be on philosophy. saw 'a good year'. thought of buying a farmhouse and a vineyard. most of the things that make a man happy are free. i would be lying if i said i want more money to be happy. but more money is always good.
what else? i have become aware of so many things lately. i just wish that this will not turn me into an indifferent person. i remember this interview where they throw a word at you and you say a word that sums your ideas about the said word. so mithun da was asked to respond to the word 'life' and he said 'incomplete'.
you see i educate myself by watching movies. but still so much time and money is wasted bcus of movies.
i surely did not want to write all this that i have written. what i wanted to write, may be, will never get written.
you know those quotes..'live each day as if it was last day of your life'. each of the blog posts that i read again, make me feel as if i had meant that to be my last post.
i will write down some more lines. so that the last para does not come out as sort of a punch line. i think i will sleep now. i hope i get a blow job in my dream.
Akeelah: [quoting Marianne Williamson] Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
You should watch Akeelah and The Bee btw. We are all shit scared. I am shit scared that I will become a cynical, nothing-means-nothing, proud-of-being-a-pseudo intellectual-with-a-large-follwoing someday if I continue to analyse every situation so objectively (my own biased opinion, ofcourse!) and die a virgin.
I said I have become very quotable few posts ago. I get these ideas all the time that keep me awake in night. I am scared that may be my mind is at it's functional peak right now and I should use it while I can. I have said it before that I have a very short short-time-memory. The only problem is the surrounding. I am so susceptible to my surroundings.
And I have confidence in patches. There are things that I am terrible at. There are things that I am terribly good at. And then there are things that I think I am terribly good at. I have seen my hands shake talking to strangers on phone.
Anyway, where am I going with all this?
I remember about making some decisions on not watching any big budget movie on theater. especially after going through 3 Idiots writing credit controversy. We are such idiots.
I also had some life changing realization about the nature of power. With great power comes great responsibility. Everybody has heard it. But power is not static or absolute. those, who don't deserve it, will eventually be eliminated from the system. And the way you prove that you are deserving of it is by being responsible. I loved this Japanese Anime series called Bleach and in one of the episodes the protagonist is taught that 'Fear is what keeps one from winning a battle'. Its bothways. You are either scared of getting killed. Or getting yourself to kill. one of the best dialogues was when the protagonist is told that Those with power will eventually be drawn to battles. And that point in time, you can not afford the choice of not fighting. 'Jo tathasth hain, waqt likhega unka bhi itihaas'. I had read that as Skype status.
But for the time being, I am laid back. I lack faith. I dont think I can make much difference. But I know I will have my moments. And I will be up to it.