I always think a step (or two) ahead of others. That is why I remembered Juhi Chawla when I heard the name Kalpana. Now I don’t expect normal human intelligence to be able to decipher the relevance of second sentence to the first. But still I wont decipher it for you. The original plan was to tell you right away why I thought of juhi Chawla when I heard Kalpana but for the sake of keeping your ego up and tight I will presume that your IQ is a level higher than that of normal intelligent human. I know that this is very bad assumption but ‘bad’ is anytime preferable than ‘worse’. Plus it is always possible for you to pretend that you were indeed able to solve the riddle. Pretense is a very handy quality to have, I tell you. You pretend like a king and you are almost a king. There is one other way though that will take you to the places if you have got it inside. In addition to pretending that you solved the riddle you can also choose to criticize me for bullshitting here and telling me that its me whos got an acute shortage of human intelligence.

You know what??! If there was an Oscar for writing crap I will win it each year.

Good things should happen to good people. And I am not writing this just because a lot good has been happening to me lately. I just hope that they don’t lose hope. And I hope that every story has a happy ending.

Well, as you all should have guessed, very correctly if I may add; that I am very smart man. A very very smart man. And one thing that I have very early learned for my edge is that future is quite uncertain but things do follow a probability curve. See.., I even talk like a smart man. So I was talking of probability. And chances. And given that I have set the bars quite up for any lady to be able to impress me (which makes the chances of me being able to find a girl very less), and given that even that lady will be a thinking machine, my chances to get the girl are even lesser. huh! :||

So what do I do? I plan. In case I find a girl its absolutely necessary that I get her as well. And while the event of finding a girl is absolutely random (well almost!), the chances of being able to get her depend on a lot of factors. And given that I am going to be a billionaire will make things quite favourable to me, I wouldn’t want to make her feel that I am not trying hard enough because I know that she will be mine because I am a billionaire. So I am thinking about writing a poetry. An original one. A poetry that will make her heart etch. That would tell her the things that she felt but never knew that shes felt them before because nobody told her before.

okk. So here I go.

Wahi aankh, wahi kaan.
wahi hindi, wahi jabaan. (waah, waah!!)
Jaisa khwabon mein dekha tha
wahi armaan, wahi saamaan.
tere naa hone ke gam mein
peeya sutta, khaayaa paan.
sadak pe chalaa hun main bhaukate kutton ke beech.

isse jyada na ho paayega ab. i wud rather hire javed akhtar to write one for me.

I know this post is funny. but you know what was the funniest part??

..like a smart man. So I was talking of probability. And chances. And given that I have set the bars quite up for any lady to be able to impress me (which makes the chances of me..


i remember that i knew what i wanted to write. it was some pretty serious stuff. the kind that makes you stop from running, look around, regret and then fire some bullets in your head. anyway. today. today is gone. its already 24. the end of 23rd of Jan marks the completion of six months of my job. ok. i wont bore you with the 'lesson learnt' session so you can relax. the excuse is that i dont prefer learning. any kind of learning. well, that is an outright lie. the kind that we tell to project an image of being kool. i love learning. i make mistakes so that i can learn the art of not learning from mistakes. Crap man! Now I wud write utter nonsense! Self-criticism is such a sweet thing. It makes idiots who know that they are idiots, look little less idiot in others' eyes.

You know I post to make u feel better about yourself. but at the same time it is quite implicit, and i have my history to back me up, that i fail at 99% of the times at what ever i intend to do. okk. that was just me trying to act as an analyst. so what was it?? aah. yaa. so the whole idea behind making-you-feel-better was that i wud portray the 'real' me here and seeing that how miserable i am, you might feel that your life doesnt suck that much after all. but seriously, its absolutely imposible to hide the fact that my life rocks. i mean, look at me. i dont have a girlfriend. AND (picture Ross! A N D) i have an underpaying job. i mean..how compatible a life can get??! haan??!

so i am thinking alot lately. about different levels of sophistication a man attains as he grows as person. for example, take god. wen we are kids, we believe that god exists. wen we have read Freakonomics and are out of college, we are sure that god is nothing but a concept, used widely to control man. And then we grow old. and we have seen much. we are about to die. and we desperately want to believe in something. and then we remember the moments when life took many u-turns, l-turns and j-turns and we realise that we were not the once to choose which way to turn.

And so i wonder if i wud ever have any thought of my own. All this time (and specifically after seeing matrix) i believed that i was the master of my destiny. And then the other day we bought a book called 'Fooled bY Randomness' from Strand and it took only reading of its preface to convince me of the fact that everything is random and we choose nothing and believing that we can actually choose something is the stupidest thing in this world. And so i came to the conclusion that i am just too eager to get convinced of anything that is slightly revolutionary, defiant or in a sense challenges the conventional wisdom.

Self respect and igo. a thin line must separate them. Igo is such an important quality that one sud be proud to possess. seriously. To ignore all the hints that mother nature often throws at you to make you realise that you are THE Asshole in this universe (or is that just meeh?? isssssh!), and believe that everyone else is an ass and a stupid ass at that. To be truly proud of one thing that you possess with the feeling that it will never desert you. To truly believe that I am the GAWD.

okk. now i think that i might have got the whole definition of 'ego' wrong??

Orkut! It used to be a roller coaster experience for me each time I visited it. It still is. Must say that it has changed for worse though. I mean you can not look at the pics of people (ok read gals!) if they dont want strangers to look at their album. Yeh toh galat baat hai yaar. Hum jaise honhaar logo ke kathin parishram ka madhur phal hota hai kanyaaon ke chitro ko parakhanaa. Okk. I sud stop trying to be funny. But seriously wasnt being able to look at any random girl's pics was our birth right??! Ladkiyaan kab se itni nirdayee ho gayeein????!

what am i?? 17?? just entered a college wher you gotta do nothing but check orkut, download movies and watch porn?? seriously, arent offices meant to be worked in??! why dont they use CCTV to track the working habit of their employees?? why dont they just block orkut?? or Blogspot?? OR internet?? no rahe baans. naa baje baansuri. i mean i seriously dont want to waste my time. but i am not a believer in resisting the temptation and similar sort of shit. i am human. if you give a man a whistle, the best way to make him whistle it is to ask him not to whistle it. And so i gave into all the temptation, for if you dont resist them, finally aapka giveup ho hee jaayega un sabhi se. for the uninitiated 'giveup' is a universal word, cud be a noun, a pronoun, a verb, a proverb, a proposition, a proproposition. okk. few example sud help. 1. main bahut giveup banda hun. 2. abe, giveup naa maar! 3. abe giveup maar yaar. 4. life se giveup ho gaye. 5. giveup karaa diya yaar. 6. giveup ho gayaa yaar.

seriously giveup ho gaya is give up ke chakkar mein. okk. so as i sud let the world know that i have been *kho**kho* WORKING in office at 1:34 am i wud let you know that i am writing this blog at 1:35 in morning which coincidently happens to be just one minute later than initially mentioned 1:34 am. kyun ho gayaa naa?? GIVE UP??!

aah, back to orkut. kya bataun. i mean KYA bataun main???? itne studd log baithe huye hain! ek se badkar ek. i used to be one of them. but now that i am out of ideas of making my profile thoda-sa-hatke from other profiles, i have opted to keep most of the space blank. i mean the only way to hide stupidity is a complete ban on expression. but still i have got my own ways of making some changes now and then and for just now i have put on amrita arora as my profile pic. i mean how cool is that. well i thot i wud be flooded with scraps inquiring about my possible attempt at trans-sexuality and offers of dates with my gud for nothing boyfriends and random despos. but as i said, zamana aage nikal chuka hai.

chalo bhai logo. mujhe jaana hai ab. aaj ke liye maine apne aap ko 10 scraps kar liye hain.

Aint i funny???


Hamein pata hai ki woh bahut khoobsurat hain.

Lifaafe ke liye lekin pate ki bhi jaroorat hai.



Heheh. What an opening line! Only to find that what followed was a great act of poetry with imagination. Damn these emails.


Hamne sanam ko khat likha

Khat mein likha

Aie dilruba

Dil ki gali



Pahunche yeh khat jaane kahaan

Jaane bane kya daastaan

Us par rakibon ka yeh darr

Lag jaaye yeh unke haath gar


Kitna buraa anzaam ho

Dil  muft mein badnaam ho

Aisha naa ho, aisha naa ho

Apne khuda se raat din

Maangaa kiye hum yeh dua.


Hamne sanam ko khat likha..


Peepal ka yeh patta nahi

Kaagaz ka yeh tukda nahi

Is dil ka yeh armaan hai

Ismein hamari jaan hai

Aisha gazab ho jaaye na

Raste mein yeh kho jaaye  na

Hamne badi taakid ki

Daala ise jab daak  mein

Yeh daak-baabu se kaha

Hamne sanam ko  khat likha..


Barso jawabe-yaar ka

Dekha kiye ham raasta

Ek din woh khat wapas mila

Aur daakiye ne yeh kahaa

Is daak khane mein nahi


Koi sanam nahi is naam ka

Koi gali is naam ki

Koi sahar is naam ka..


Hamne sanam ko..




- I'm Jeeter.
- I'm Natalie.
- Nice to meet you, Natalie.
- Good to meet you, too.
- You know, in about 24 hours, I'm gonna be rich.
- Really?
- Yeah. You from New York?
- No, I'm from LA.
- OK. Did I mention I was gonna be rich?
- You did, actually.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. You like that?
- It's...It's interesting.
- Natalie, what would you do with 5 million dollars, hypothetically?

Okay. I havent written these lines. If you have seen 'A Lot Like Love' you sud be laffing your ass off by now. Flirting at its best.

okk. We went to Nandini for lunch this afternoon. I have eaten at many AP Special restaurant here. And i absolutely love them. ek photu toh chipka hee deta hun.

left mein Tyagi aur saath mein PandeyJi. They were so excited about this pic when i told them that i was gonna post it on this great blog. Khusi chipaaye nahi chip rahi unse, nahi??! ok. they were quite indifferent about the pic as they know that noone reads this blog so its more like uploading an image onto web.

okay in a side news, i almost got my ass kicked. something quite-bloggable happened this saturday. i was with tyagi as he has got a laptop (the only thing that ensures that friends meet on weekends!) So as planned we went to this DVD wala store
(rent pe dene wali) and got ourselves Monalisa Smile. Everything was nice. And then it happened. We couldnt listen what Julie Stiles was saying to Julia Roberts and we decided this was the time to return the DVD and get a new one. So we went back to the store. And the man there was quite an asshole. He kept on saying that the problem is with laptop and DVD is ok!(as it turned out to be!) So he was speaking to tyagi about something and suddenly oversmart me thought of some vital points which could have won us the argument and i intervened. And now, i am not sure if he said 'SHUT UP' (Shetaaaaaap!) or something else but the effect was that i was outta 'hosh' for a second of two. And then we (ok, tyagi!) politely asked him to talk to us with some respect. He said it was not a gud manner to interrupt someone when he is talking. I definitely did not agree. So the situation reached to point where we proposed that we wud get a new vcd for mona lisa smile and also pay 40 rupees extra for DVD. Some diplomatic delegates we were, right! but then i was fuming with anger. so i picked up the fight again. i told him that we were customers and he was the service provider. by law, we were not supposed to be handled in that rough manner. that we were the gawd. that he existed becus of us. so, wenever i talk my voice is usually a level higher than the normal level. and i am not sure what level i was at when i was fighting with him. plus i had to talk to him in my tooti-footi angrezi and it was not helping either. so here was another guy, apne store-wale ke pehchaan ka saayad, and he explained to him in kannada that how the dvd was all hunky dory and laptops sud never be used to play movies. And i interrupted again.

'Now he is talking to him... in whatever language he is talking in!'

And that was it. uski aankhein krodh ki agni mein jalne lagein. 'Fuck you + some kannada word' he threw at me as he tried to get out of the store, towards me. he repeated them for quite some time. Twice. NAah, it was thrice. watever. aur meri literally fat li. Ok.

Well. tyagi returned the VCD this morning.(I had left early this morning to get to my apartment!) and he(the angry young man!) did not take extra charges for the DVD. Sala last mein hero ban gaya. When tyagi insisted on giving the money, he said ki
he also had aatm-samman or something and he was angry in night because 'that guy irritated him.'

well, now i wud write abt how i felt about this whole incident and the lessons learnt. well, i felt like a complete idiot. And me generally feeling like an idiot did not make things easy for me at all. first i tried to justify my act by the logic that that guy was real rude to us. but still. i am an idiot. what i said was preposterous and what he said was outright offensive. i was mad becus i cud not kick his ass and i was mad becus if even he had kicked my ass i wud have not minded. And i was mad becus i cud not let go of this incident as just another incidnet. 'theek hai yaar. life hai. hota hai.' i tried telling me a hundred times. i smoked a cigarette. cos thats the only thing i have seen kool people do to tackle their acts of stupidity.

aah. i hope writing this down will help me get this thing out of my system. Plus i gathered taht it was a real funny incident to blog about. kahan aate hain aishe avsar when you get your ass almost kicked!

There are things that you need to do to keep yourself busy. I have done some things in my life so excessively - and without acknowledging them - that now that I look back at them with sophistication I find it very probable that if there is anything called ‘passion’, they were that. So here are the things that I did at different point in my life.
1. I am quite not sure what I did till standard 10. I mugged for sure. ‘Mugged’ ofcourse derived from ‘Muggu’ which refers to a person quite unintelligent to think that textbooks have all the answers to all the problems of life.
2. After 10th I really mugged. I mean I REALLY mugged. And those were two years quite important in my life. I owe the twists and turns in my life to those two years. And while it sounds kool to say that kids should choose their own path and study is not the only field that one can excel in and shit of that kind; one must never underestimate the importance of those years. Those are the years when you mug and do absolutely nothing. Bahut din ho gaya kisi bachche ko funde diye huye! What a waste!
3. The first year outside home was literally the most important year of my life. Friends. For life.
Okk. Now that boring part is over I can move on to more interesting things. Like ‘Yahoo messenger pe maari gayee fight’, movies, orkuting, friends, boston legal, bleach. And porn ofcourse. Daaru and Gamingn I never took fancy of. Those guys are kool, I tell you. The Gamer No. 1 is literally worshiped on LAN.

And blogs ofcourse. A long post is due on a girl, the love of our lives (yaa, donst must know! :D), the ultimate goddess, hamari bhagwaan, the girl who made two of us feel that we were not the gods of chatting world, the girl who WAS the girl. The only things that keep me from writing about her is the fear that I wud never be able to aptly describe what she really was.

I now gotta go home. I hate going home.

So one thing that blogging does to abnormal people is making them aware. Of their surrounding. Anything remotely bloggable would be flagged immediately. And so it happens with me. The side effect ofcourse is that you also become aware of the fact that how unbloggale your life is. And if you run a covariance analysis between bloggability and Uneventfulness-in-life you would see a positive covariance, Uneventfulness-in-life following Unbloggability, like yesterday following today or today following tomorrow. Hah! WOW!

So for a change I had a lot to write about in this post. But as they say time makes important things trivial. Well, I think I have said it the first time. Anyway, I gotta write what I gotta write. Toh the news of the year is that I cooked. Rice and daal. In a cooker jisse city bhi nahi bajti thi. Yaa. I know. Daal thodi jal gayee. Namak thoda kam tha. Bhaat se poora paani uda nahi tha. But I ate. Yupp. And it was gud. I even photographed them.

In a side news, I watched welcome.utterly predictable. Buddhdhe actors dancing around teenage girls. Paresh Rawal. Kya bolun main paresh rawal ke baare mein? BUT..
Okk here BUT might indicate that I wud tell you that I liked ONE thing abt the movie which made it worth spending 130 rupees. (yaa, I watched it on Monday! Bhikari ho gaya hun main!) BUTTT is movie mein kuch nahi hai bhia. Mat jaana.

AHH. My post sound a lot like normal posts now. I am losing my edge. Okk. here is a joke that only a stud mind like that of yours truly can invent. Okk. its not that funny, Forget it.

Okk so I watched PIs for this show called Rhodies (I don’t want to spell it correctly. I don’t want to show the makers of the show that highly sophisticated people are talking abt his show.). The interviewer was a bald man called raghu who was getting paid for acting tough. And while I initially thot tht he was overdoing it, he srsly delivered some fine lines. Like thr is a thin line between ignorance and confidence.

Well, this is why I think ignorance is important.

PS: okay the joke was that my oversmart roomie observed that laptops are allowed inside theatre halls which cud be used in laptop-bombs. And i said ki koi laptop waste kyun karega?.

its 1:32 in night and i am in office. it wud be a sin if i didnt write a post write now. i dont have much time though. i gotta write something funny now.

okk. we were watching today's test match in morning. before coming to office. laxman was rocking at 80 something off 90 something balls. the partnership with dravid was around 100 something runs where dravid contributed vital 15, which was also the number of fours laxman had hit. so dravid was at strike. the crowd roared. dravid had not scored even a single for last 30 something balls. and there he did it. a single. the crowd gave him a standing ovation. dravid smiled.


Like everyone I did something new-year-special too. I did not take bath. Given that I take one almost every day it was a nice change to begin the new year with. Anyway it seems I have come very early this morning to office and I am already bored. Which is gud too because I want to start the new year in a lousy way so that I cud end it somewhat satisfactorily.

So what follows is the almost-last post of my earlier blog at Yahoo 360. Yahoo 360 sucks of course, but it was kind of gud. This copy-pasting is an attempt to establish the fact that i have the talent for writing mind boggling posts.

For the heck of it!

I thought about putting up a picture to make this entry look good. It was a good idea i guess. But then lukkhagiri must prevail. It must not include the implementation of good ideas. Do I sound too sophisticated? Believe me, I dont mean a word I have written above here. So am I a liar? I really dont know but I aspire to be an excellent one in the lying field. Wouldnt it be great people believing all your lies??! Wow! A lot of hard work has to be done in that field. Channelization of my energy, as they would say it. I really dont know who' they' really are though.

So, It was Wednesday when I went to my guide after a long break to tell him that it shouldnt matter if I had not worked a bit after Diwali. That all that matters is my strong desire to do something great. What
if I dont have any achievement to back my argument?! What if I dont know shit about a field that I am supposed to be an expert in?! All that matters is the fact that one fine day I will decide to stop wasting my time, and that would be it. AAh! Crapp! But seriously why is the past so important?! I guess it has more to do with the fact that they cant give their whole time evaluating your present. The thing is that you might be a right guy, but the thing is there are a lot of right guys out there, and a strong past to back their claims that they are the ones they want for their firms. Ohh! dont ask where the hell did word 'firms' come into the picture. I have become sentimental about placements of course. So what else. I always thought that my head was full of great ideas. Now that I think of it, I laugh at myself. But then I realise I was right when I thought that about myself. Its just that I have stopped thinking now. And the great idea have left me. And worst they have taken my great 'sense of humor' with them. Ranting. No!!

So. A change. Just got my room cleaned. I know its momentary. But thats the exact thing that makes it feel this good. I know life would be messed up again. That I would through the cigarette-ash again on floor; speaking of which, I have got to mention that I did a great practical problem solving this afternoon. yaa, ash collection problem.
I have seen many of my great friends tackle this problem before. Well, two friends to be precise. The first one collects the ashed into a steel glass. For aesthetic reasons I guess. I too, have a glass. But given the family man I really am, I cudnt bring myself to use that for this purpose. Anyway, So I remembered that the cleaning guy had thrown out a bottle while cleaning the room. I checked outside and it was there, destined to be picked up by me. So I got my super sharp (ookk! used one!) wilson-sword(i dont remember the name!)blade and cut it from the middle to give it a glasslike look. And I smoked and collected the ashe in it. Anyway, I havent patented this idea and you are free to use it for personal applications. Commercial users might want to give some percent of their profit to me, or they can directly donate it to the families of the men died prematurely due to excessive smoking.

So people talk about the wierd things they do, all the time. I guess its considered cool to get your freaking habits highlighted in the blogging world. Well. I dont think its weird but I enjoy cutting my nails using blades. When I was a kid I would cut my nails just for the heck of it. I am bored and I would go take a blade, sit somewhere and cut my nails. My amma used to cut my nails when I was too-young. Too young would imply that I must have been in my primary schooling that time. But then I quicked picked up on the skill, and here I am cutting my nails, without dropping a drop(dropping a drop??? !!:-s) of blood.

So I guess our lab-life is over now. I really hated going to labs all this time in iit, I really couldnt figure out the reason though. But I know I would miss it. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. We just cant be happy at any time in our lives.

Well. Again. Ranting. I love ranting. So heres a new thing. I feel, like almost all the times, that I am really very stupid. And I wonder whether others feel that too.I mean if they feel that they are stupid too. And, whether knowing that I am stupid makes me actually wiser than the others. DO I again sound sophisticated?? Yaa. I know I dont.

Now, I am really thinking hard to write something again. ... . Ok! Tht's it.
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Saturday November 4, 2006 - 07:23pm (IST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

so this is 3:49 in night. rather kool. and while i wud like to pretend that i am indifferent to beginning of another year, i just cant help posting this post. so year 2007 was quite important i guess. the year that i graduated ofcourse. not entirely a great year though. anyway ideally i sud look bak at life at this point of time, smile and plan for the coming years. planning is an awefully dreadful word and this year's plan is to stick to the plans! very funny! i know. anyway, i am typing this in this kool laptop of my friend's. long live the friends with laptops and internet connection.

so wassup?? nothing specific. i read some great books, saw some great movies, came to know some wonderful people thru blogging and ofcourse in real life. i need to get little orgnized. i will do that next year. i need to pee. i will do that right now.

okk. done. Appy Ew Ear.