i remember that i knew what i wanted to write. it was some pretty serious stuff. the kind that makes you stop from running, look around, regret and then fire some bullets in your head. anyway. today. today is gone. its already 24. the end of 23rd of Jan marks the completion of six months of my job. ok. i wont bore you with the 'lesson learnt' session so you can relax. the excuse is that i dont prefer learning. any kind of learning. well, that is an outright lie. the kind that we tell to project an image of being kool. i love learning. i make mistakes so that i can learn the art of not learning from mistakes. Crap man! Now I wud write utter nonsense! Self-criticism is such a sweet thing. It makes idiots who know that they are idiots, look little less idiot in others' eyes.

You know I post to make u feel better about yourself. but at the same time it is quite implicit, and i have my history to back me up, that i fail at 99% of the times at what ever i intend to do. okk. that was just me trying to act as an analyst. so what was it?? aah. yaa. so the whole idea behind making-you-feel-better was that i wud portray the 'real' me here and seeing that how miserable i am, you might feel that your life doesnt suck that much after all. but seriously, its absolutely imposible to hide the fact that my life rocks. i mean, look at me. i dont have a girlfriend. AND (picture Ross! A N D) i have an underpaying job. i mean..how compatible a life can get??! haan??!

so i am thinking alot lately. about different levels of sophistication a man attains as he grows as person. for example, take god. wen we are kids, we believe that god exists. wen we have read Freakonomics and are out of college, we are sure that god is nothing but a concept, used widely to control man. And then we grow old. and we have seen much. we are about to die. and we desperately want to believe in something. and then we remember the moments when life took many u-turns, l-turns and j-turns and we realise that we were not the once to choose which way to turn.

And so i wonder if i wud ever have any thought of my own. All this time (and specifically after seeing matrix) i believed that i was the master of my destiny. And then the other day we bought a book called 'Fooled bY Randomness' from Strand and it took only reading of its preface to convince me of the fact that everything is random and we choose nothing and believing that we can actually choose something is the stupidest thing in this world. And so i came to the conclusion that i am just too eager to get convinced of anything that is slightly revolutionary, defiant or in a sense challenges the conventional wisdom.

Self respect and igo. a thin line must separate them. Igo is such an important quality that one sud be proud to possess. seriously. To ignore all the hints that mother nature often throws at you to make you realise that you are THE Asshole in this universe (or is that just meeh?? isssssh!), and believe that everyone else is an ass and a stupid ass at that. To be truly proud of one thing that you possess with the feeling that it will never desert you. To truly believe that I am the GAWD.

okk. now i think that i might have got the whole definition of 'ego' wrong??

5 comments:

  1. just my version of EGO...
    it's a big bubble which we (falsely) nurture,thinking its our pride...sadly ego always gets hit and pulls us down,where as pride will always elevate us...
    KUCH ZAYAADA HO GAYA!!!

     
  2. gazal mam,

    umm.. so is bubble like a REALLY BIG bubble?? does it float at constant y or does it move up with constant x?

    hehe. ise kahte hain zyada!

    aur aapko nahi lagta ki aap mera mind boggling post ki taarif karna bhool gayeein?? :O

     
  3. @satish babu
    have you forgotten my subject specific is ENGLISH and not FEEZICKS....
    the fact that I write pearls of wisdom like the above suggest that 'THE POST IS GOOD'.BRAVO

     
  4. gazal mamu,

    i know. i know. feezicks is such a kool subject though. i meant i everytime almost flunked each of the many feezicks courses. nahi?

    and your pearls of wisdom are much appreciated but for a nitwit like me it wud always help if you cud just say for once that my posts are most enlightening piece of writing you have come across in your already enlightened life.

     
  5. too much! :-) dimaag ka achha use ho sakta hai 'blog mein appreciation paane' ke alawa :-)

    sochna shuru kar de! billionaire banna hai ki nahi?? :P

    Mishti :-)