So, every post must start with a so. And I have been thinking real hard on what to write. Something very witty. Anything too hilarious. And different. And this post is it. It will establish my authority for once and all.

I propose here to tell an adult story. Yaa, you are right when you attach the conventional meaning to the word ‘adult’. You must recognize that the topic is rather interesting. And challenging. You gotta work hard to create humour out of it without offending anyone. And even if one gets offended she (this post is not intended only for the more sophisticated community, it’s just that using ‘she’ is the latest thing in, at least for me!) should find it funny enough to admire the writer of the content.

Now what?! I have tried hard to make an impressive opening statement. But it has sucked right till now. I had thought that all the knowledge that I had gained when I lived in hostel with my computer and free internet and LAN access would come in handy. I had* seen it all. (*have?! But ‘had’ gives that pleasure of sounding mature and old that is very difficult to resist!) Bosses, secretaries, milkmen, Tarzans, working-at-xerox-shop dudes, working-at-xerox-shop-babes, Ms-Indonesias, swimming-pools, night-clubs, shady-apartments, cars, (the-vehicle-that-king khan-used-in-Swadesh)s, disgusting MMSs, disgustingly innovative plots, everything. But now I stare blankly at my monitor’s screen and think about giving up this pursuit of proving-the-authority all together.

One of the innovations that I had intended to implement here was the use of aliases for the ‘must’ words that must be used in any interesting and offending adult estory. ‘Must’ words must be used just as ‘performances’ must be performed. Anybody who has watched ‘Scrubs’ should know what I mean. We could use names of fruits. Mangoes, cauliflower, cucumber, chikus. Healthier, the better. Then we have little difficult ones. Like for the oldest profession from the beginning of human race (Reference needed!), and for the professionals. Okk, its getting too boring now. Where’s the story??

I am really lost here. With this amount of constraint my work-of-art will sound more like any other , extra-ordinarily ordinary love story. And I so don’t want that. Much has been said and written about love. And even I have already given truck-load of gyan on it already. It’s too boring and all the time while you read the story -a love story- you search for those moments of intimacy and when they finally come you are already in love with the characters and hence biased in your critical analysis of the actual content. This post was intended to prove that the sheer power of powerful writing (See!) should be able to hold a reader.

WOW! That was some real shit up there. Any way as you might have rightly guessed I am actually not going to narrate an adult story. It’s not about being scared about being called with interesting names like pervert or nymphomaniac. It’s just that I seriously think that I still believe that I can write one such interesting story. And you gotta admit that idea is good. So this post serves the purpose of a prologue like any sophisticated book and the critics could go through this post to analyze my story thoroughly.

So this post is actually meant to serve only one purpose. We were watching this show on Zee Cafe where they call 'celebrities' and tell them to act funny. Now we don’t watch any serials as such but I think it was in our destiny to watch this show. So he was telling the host something about some boxes where you go and pick something and then you open that something and you find one question written on it. And then you successfully answer the question and win prizes. And he gave us one of the sample questions. And I am gonna ask you that exact question. But before that we gotta pass time. Because great words of wisdom must not come out easily. You must endure and appreciate the amount of shit that we go through each day to appreciate the achievements that we rarely (or never!) manage to achieve. Yupp, you achieve the achievements. Anyway, you have got an option of going straight to the end of this post and looking at the question. And if I were you I wud have done the exact same thing. I mean why go through shit if you could escape it in the first place. And secondly, you ( and I) have already gone through enough shit to go through it again even here. But then I am not the most Intelligentest person in the world. Well, I might be. But for the sake of pretending to be modest, I will assume that I am not the most intelligent person. And we will further assume that most intelligent person doesn’t make (commit??) mistakes and this assumption is very much questionable because ideally no one is perfect and most intelligent is one who does not repeat the mistakes she (yey! I belong to elite class now!) has made before. But as I will eventually prove this assumption doesn’t make much difference to the final finding (Which is that you sudnt act smart and read the post completely before going to the end, btw!) because even if the most intelligent person was reading the post he will know by her past experience that she had commited a blunder when she chose to jump to the end as she had to come back to the same place again and read through the post all over again. And in case, the most intelligent person is first timer than she would find logic in my logic (yes! If you don’t then you are certainly not the most intelligent person!) and restrict herself from going to the end without reading the rest of this rather brain stimulating post. Well, there is another case – what if she dint couldn’t reach to this place where I have explained the logic of my logic, and escape all this gyan ki baatein and goes directly to the end of this post. Well that will contradict with our basic assumption that the reader is most intelligent person as only an idiot will even think about escaping this ..again brain stimulating post. But even if we make a concession and assume that the latest assumption ( the assumption that only idiots will think about not going through this elite shit!) and assume that it doesn’t hold true in this exceptional case of intelligence-incarnated, even in that case by default she will have to come back and go through the rest of the post and she will totally agree with me that only idiots will even think of leaving any portion unread. And given that she is most intelligent person around, you gotta believe whatever she says, And hence you have not make any mistakes by reading all along. You can feel good now, and apply for the contest where they choose most intelligent person living on earth. And going through this post completely is the minimum criterion that you need to have in your resume. Your chances of getting the title will increase if you read more of brain-stimulating stuffs that I write so seldomly.

So I think this is what happens when you read Catch-22. See, how modest I am. Even when I know that creativity lies within I wont admit it, and find someone else to give credit of my brilliant work. Creativity is flowing all over me. And I want to hide it but I cant.

So, If you are now starting to feel like an idiot and want to give up, I will tell you something about Bayes. Thomas Bayes, was a priest and was quite interested in mathematics. So as every priest must, he also believed in God. And not only did he believe himself, he also wanted everyone else to believe in Him. So in a desperate attempt to prove His existence, he started to collect data. Data related to how good people are doing in their life and what are their beliefs on God or rather broadly how morally they were behaving in their day to day life. His goal was simple : To show the world that who behaved morally acceptable behaviour were doing good in life as God must be taking good care of his followers. And he did do his analysis. But he did not publish it in his lifetime. It was published after his death by one of his friends. And everyone who is doing anything in probability must know Bayesian Theorem. So as all you intelligent people must have guessed by now that his finding was that religious/morally correct people suffered more than their non-believer counterparts. Well, there are many loopholes in this result as you might tend to argue how you measure happiness and god-fearing people might be more happy internally. Well, toh here is another logical logic from me. As we grow stronger, more liberated we tend to challenge everything that others believe on. And that might be one important factor in that person’s success. We become more defiant as we see that nothing is happening to us. So, we might like to pretend that we are not sure whether god exists or not, we know somewhere in the core of our heart that there is really no God.

But I do believe in miracles. Mathematically nothing is impossible. There is always some probability of any possibility. But one in a million people will get to witness that is extraordinary. And I would like to believe that this extra-ordinary events are distributed amongst we human beings in not a totally random way. I would like to believe that god hand-picks them. That he says that ‘Okk man, you have been through enough shit already, and this is your day. Go screw Amrita Arora for a change.’ Okk that didn’t come out that well. But I hope that you got my point. I would also like to mention this film of mithunda where he plays swami ramkrishn param hans. So if you have seen it, you should give me a hi-fi if you haven’t you should miss not having watched this movie. So now the final question that I am gonna ask you. Hold you breath. Don’t even think about blinking. Here it comes. So what would you prefer? Watching a parn movie with your parents..or STARRING your parents?

so i am gonna do it, alright. i had resolved into not doing any tags as i thot it wud be a cool thing to do. but then 'seeking defaiance' seems to be even cooler. And besides everything deserves a chance. so here it is.

five random facts about me.

1) I am completely absent minded. I wont remember the roads that i strolled just an hour ago. i wont remember phone numbers. i am so absent minded i even didnt know that i was absent minded until one of my friends asked to sign my name on a sheet of paper so that she cud tell me everything abt my past and future and i wrote down my name with a 'T' that did not have a horizontal line in it so that it looked like an 'l' and she said 'i was absent minded.' and i said 'exactly!'.

2) well i have very low self steam. or is it esteem?? watever. i even didnt know that about my self but life has been alot like know-thyself lessons lately and i dont like the discoveries tht i have made so far. Is it going to be the first blog wher i am gonna talk abt how i feel inside???? crap??! where are all the gals??! dhakkan its your responsibility that every caring-for-weaklings-girl reads it, k?

3) i am seriously amazed by the way i have managed to complete my studies. there is this grading system where you get grades like AA, AB, BB, BC, CC, CD, DD, FF and FR. FF and FR are fails. toh AA is the max grade and DD is the lowest. and i didnt get any of these(including FF and FR! how?!) in my entire college life. and that is when i finally realised that i cant flunk in any of these crappy exams. and believe me i have tested this hypothesis to the limits and it still holds true.

4) i often know it the moment i perform (elegantly) any act of stupidity. (How well written???!) and i still continue doing them. there are times wen i feel that i am the most stupidest person inhabiting this world. and that is not all. i often get this flash-backs where i have done stupid things and sometimes i laugh, but mostly i cry.

5) i somehow know that one day i am gonna make it big. i dont know how but i eventually will. thats how life been so far. and you cant deny the importance of past. crudely put the kinda man you are will be reflect in watever you have done so far, and they might be known but they are there and will come to rescue you wenever the need arises. there was this lady that came to our office and ask us what we wanted to be. and i was tempted to say 'a billionaire'. yes, one day i wud (like to) be a billionaire.

6) i absolutely love hindi songs. i also like singing them. whenever ppl let me sing i meant. well that was a joke. i sing everywhere. in my mind, and sometimes aloud. i feel that the old songs that i have grown up listening to are treasure gifted to me by my over-enthusiastic-abt-old-songs family and i wud like my kids to listen to them too. (Awwwww, romantic. is it not???)

okk. that's that.

Zindagi bhar nahi bhollegi woh barsaat ki raat,
ek anzaan hasina se mulakaat ki raat,
Zindagi bhar nahi bhoolegi..

Haay woh reshmi julphon se barsataa paani,
Phool se gaalon pe rukne ko tarsataa pani,
Dil mein tufaan uthate huye jazbaat ki raat,
Zindagi bhar nahi bhulegi..

Mere nagmon mein joh basti hai,
Who tasweer thi woh
Naujawaani ki hasin khwab kee taavir thi who,
Aasmaanon se uter aayi ho,
Aasmaanon se uter aayi thi joh raat ki raat,
Zindagi bhar nahi bhoolegi who barsaat ki raat
Zindagi bhar nahi bhoolegi.

Mohammad Rafi. Roshan. Bharat Bhooshan. Madhubala. Year 1960. Barsaat ki Raat.

So it was one of those rainy days, when I was at home and very much bored because the only channel that showed movie in the only TV that we had was showing Barsaat ki Raat. I obviously refused to see it. Bhaarat Bhooshan. I had seen enuf of his rone-dhone wali movies in Doordarshan era to be capable of watching and surviving another one. But then I sat. Because I had seen Madhubala in one of the frames.

Which song was this?

Mujhe mil gaya bahaana teri deed ka,
Mujhe mil gaya bahaana teri deed ka,
Kaisi khusi leke aaya chaand
Mujhe mil gaya bahan teri did ka,

Julf machal ke khul khul jaaye,
Chaal mein masti ghool ghhool jaaye,
Aishi khusi aaj mili,
Aaj mili aishi khusi,
Aankhon mein naam nahi neend ka,
Mujhe mil gaya bahan teri did ka,
Kaisi khusi leke aaya chaand.

Jaagti aankhein bunati hain sapne.
Tujhko baithake pahloo mein ane
Dil kelagi aishi badi,
Aishi badi dil ke lagi,
Aankhon mein naam nahi neend ka,
Mujhe mil gaya bahan teri did ka,
Kaisi khusi leke aaya chaand.

Did/Deed should be pronounced as in Didaar/Deedaar. Then the story followed. I couldn’t gather much but our hero was a shayar. So given is the fact that he would manage to get the girl of eternal beauty. And I don’t know how possibly I am gonna explain the extreme joy that I felt when I heard this one.

Na toh kaarvaan ki talaash hai,
Na toh kaarvaan ki talaash hai,
Na toh hamsafar ki talaas hai,
Na toh kaarvaan ki talaash hai,
Na toh hamsafar ki talaas hai,
Mere shauke khana kharas ko
Tere rahgujar ki talaas hai.

AAAHHhh (Girl)
Mere naamuraad janoon ka
Koi ilaaj hai toh maut hai,
Joh davaa ke naam pe zahar de,
Ushi chaaragar ki talaas hai,
Ushi chaaragar ki talas hai.

Tera ishq hai meri aarzoo
Tera ishq hai meri aabaroo
Tera ishq main kaise chhod dun
Mere umra bhar ki talaash hai
Tera ishq ishq

Yeh ishq

Jaa shod ki haalat ko jaashaud hee samjhega
Main samaa se kahta hun mahfil se nahi kahta
Yeh ishq ishq hai

(Mohm Rafi)
Daisno dil, daisno-daar se roki naa gayee
Kisi khanzar kisi talvaar se roki naa gayee
Ishq majnoo ki woh aawaj hai jiske aage
Koi laila kisi diwaar ke rooke naa rookie.

Ishq ishq hai yeh ishq ishq

Ullah Rasool ka farmaan ishq hai
Gyani ishq hai Quraan ishq hai
Gautam aur Rahim ka armaan ishq hai
Yeh Quayanaat jism hai aur jaan ishq hai

Khaak ko booth aur booth ko devta karta hai ishq

Intehan yeh hai ki bande ko khuda karta hai ishq.

I know that going through all this random stuffs above, especially wen you have never heard this qua-aa-li before, has a lot to do with the headache that you have already, but believe me once you heard this song you will know how much good stuffs we have been missing out on.

I beg you to please go here (use IE as it requires WMP which may not work for Firefox) and search for ‘Barsat ki Rat’ without quotes. I dunno whether you cud download it from somewhere else but you can sure listen to it online here.

Well even wen I didn’t understand many words, I cud feel that people who are talking here knew everything about love. Its beautiful. As beautiful as the glint in Madhubala’s eyes. Its refreshing. Its one thing that we can be proud about. It’s the human creation at its best. Its divine. Its almost physical. Sensual.

If one asked me to ‘Name one movie and I will get you that one’ I wud name Barsat ki Rat. I remember Manna De had once come to our college and I had gone ther just to watch him sing this quawwali. Well, I didn’t shout loud enuf for him to know that I wanted that song sung, so he did not sing it. Wat a waste!