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This is going to be a year of resolving contradictions. At least a year that sees me giving awareness a chance. And as I keep on talking about this my ignorance is at its peak. This kind of pride can only originate from ignorance. Ignorance that accomplishment is only a matter of resolve.

I am almost lyrical there. And I am making a conscious effort of connecting with the reader and it’s me taking my first steps.

So I watched this Japanese drama series. A pianist is asked by his teacher – ‘whom do you play for?’ and he says ‘For myself.’ The pianist is not well recognized but the teacher is aware of his potential. Eventually the protagonist realizes his full potential when he plays piano for someone else.

Khi, khi. Yes I am that pianist. And this is me trying to protect original me. I am not sure if you ever noticed but sometime quite early on this blog I wrote – ‘with each passing day, we lose some part of originality’. Don’t you think it was quite deep and futuristic for that time? I think it was still something better though. And I feel proud that I wrote that. And I can totally feel ashamed right now seeing this post as a lame attempt to a writing practice class. I finally feel home.

But the question remains - do I edit or do I not. I don’t know what I am trying to protect when everything is borrowed anyway. That’s another deep thought. I am going deeper in shit, is what I feel.

Anyway, this post was supposed to have an objective - more of an experiment actually where I consciously give serious damn to make some sense. Maintain a flow of thoughts, exemplify, simplify and see if that makes me feel better. If that brings additional clarity. If that takes me closer to the truth. That’s three in a row.

So I had this rather honest conversation with a relatively younger person - an ex colleague actually. And he doesn’t even know how lucky he is to find an anonymous mention here. So he talks a lot. And I don’t mind actually because I find it incredibly hard to talk randomly even though it may sound random. Hehe. And I laugh. Excuse me.

Ok. So we are rather discussing this point. To express or not. Particularly, if you feel something very strongly – should you say it out loud or not. I told him that if we do that, we are looking for approval, external validation and that shows lack in self belief. This was a catch 22 situation. I hope you realize that.

Posted in: on Tuesday, February 28, 2012 at at 10:01 PM