the greatest blog ever

So I think. If I am really stupid or I feel this shittedness because I am too intelligent. On my ‘supposedly’ one-on-one with my manager I was told that I have this great ability of being able to find mistakes in things. And also, (they told me) that I have got great potential and I am gonna go places. Now I am not sure if they say such things to every guy that they don’t give any raise to.  And just now I realized that may be he was true afterall. May be this error-finding ‘great’ ability of mine is the reason I feel stupid everytime. Self-analysis will either kill me one day or make me a billionaire. Its not like I will either succeed or fail so the chances are 50-50. Odds are important here. If  there were say 100 satish’s (plural for Satish) living in 100 parallel universes with exactly the same life as I have had till date (each one of them writing this blog on outlook and thinking whether the other 99 are thinking about him or not!), there will be only 1 (or 2, may be) satish who will live to spend his filthy sum of money on dog races and hostile takeovers (and on Russian whores, may be) and all others will die a death ranging from the death of a stray dog - who got hit by an auto accidentally – and that of a dog who chose death over life and purposely got onto the way of an unbreakable BMW.

 

And so I think. That how people become so important in one’s life. And how we think that life stinks everyday. And how really unimportant each one of us are. And how really really unimportant our problems must be. And still.. I think.

 

There are thousand things wrong with me. And yet I find it hard to find a single thing worthwhile in me. May be I should get the job of assistant trouble-shooter who wud obviously ‘assist’ his master in finding problems with the system.

 

And I am really not convinced myself if I am really gud at it. I am a lousy judge of men. Most of the times I don’t find it important to judge people. Most of the times I will give people more than ten chances of winning my admiration. Most of the times I will like to believe that I haven’t yet seen the best of that son of a bitch. Most of the time..

 

And for the people who believe that judging people is B-A-D-bad, I won’t say anything. With age, poise will come.

 

And have you heard of Macroman??! He is the most powerful man in the thousand universes. Even more powerful than Superman. But let me first give a brief introduction of macros. Wikipedia says, ‘A macro in computer science is a rule or pattern that specifies how a certain input sequence (often a sequence of characters) should be mapped to an output sequence (also often a sequence of characters) according to a defined procedure. The mapping process which instantiates a macro into a specific output sequence is known as macro expansion.’ I don’t understand a word of it. So two of the main tools extensively used in our work are 1) MS Excel(PPTs, Words bhi include kar lo yaar!) and 2)SAS, ie Statistical Analysis Software. So people who use excel and think that it’s a dumb tool, must perish in ignorance as I find it quite sophisticated and there is always something new that you could learn about it. Anyway, if you ask me, a macro is something that is used to automate lousy processes and thus increase efficiency and accuracy.

 

Macroman is the man who can write macros on any kind. He can write macro to create a nuclear bomb and another macro to change that nuclear bomb to a nuclear reactor. The man is a genious. Macroman is our man.

I will try to have a normal start. Its almost 3 years since my introduction to blogging world. I have survived it a long time. I have thought few times about giving it up altogether. but I don’t want to say ‘never’. And I surely won’t post a farewell post. I will just go away. And hopefully comeback. And that said, its implied that this is surely not the last post. So don’t you try to be too happy!

 

But I would definitely like to leave blogging one day. Somehow I feel that bloggers are basically sad people. I think there are few exceptions and I just hope that I am right. And there is this thing about me. I would leave blogging one fine day, just to be able to come back years later, and write how things have been with me. It will be like meeting an old friend.

 

 

Anything I write here, in fact everything I write here is nonsense. And earlier it used to be adorable nonsense. But now it has become pathetic and stinky nonsense. And now, I don’t even try to be funny. That’s the sad part of it.

 

And lately I dream a lot. And believe me you don’t want to have that kind of dream. All the night, I will have ‘When you come undone’ playing inside my mind and on repeat. And the worst part is that I wake up suddenly and realize that I was actually not sleeping this whole time. Interestingly, I thought I was Neo of Matrix. Anyway, this is another Friday night again. And I am still in office. The one thing that I wanted to do in my life was throw my resignation letter at my bosses face. I had seen it in my dreams: One day I will get frustrated, overworked, exhausted and broke; and then I will quit and feel like a King. AAh, some dreams are not to be..

 

Becoming a billionaire seems to be a difficult proposition right now. And then I see around. And I find lots of people doing pretty well in their lives. Making money should not be this difficult. Seriously. Par phir wahi baat ho jaati hai ki these people could actually be one in a lakh, and given the population of India, there will still be 10000 people. And how many of them are billionaires?? The shit-analysis above is one of the many characteristics of a man who will never succeed.

 

I want to delete this post. But I wont.

 

Ok. I bought The Prodigal Daughter last nite. I have read it before but I wanted to read it again after I finished reading Kane and Abel. The funny thing is that I didn’t even know that it was a sequel of another book. Angrezi kamjor hone ke bhi apne faayade hote hain, I guess. Anyway, I never thought The Prodigal Daughter to be a great book. But Kane and Abel, I found very fascinating, even when I think it was quite predictable. One thing that I am missing lately is not being able to read consistently.

 

P G Wodehouse. I never thought I would cry reading it. Literally. And not even khusi ke aanshun. Ridiculous Characters. Forced plots. I would have torn the book apart if it was cheap and of my own.

 

What else?? I have to make REVERSE presentation on something. AND the project that I am working on is high VISIBILITY project. AND I watched Scent of a Woman last night on Zee Studio.

 

I want to go home. But I have some work. And I could have finished my work. And gone home. But I haven’t. Ok.

 

 

Ok. I bought The Prodigal Daughter last nite. I have read it before but I wanted to read it again after I finished reading Kane and Abel. The funny thing is that I didn’t even know that it was a sequel of another book. Angrezi kamjor hone ke bhi apne faayade hote hain, I guess. Anyway, I never thought The Prodigal Daughter to be a great book. But Kane and Abel, I found very fascinating, even when I think it was quite predictable. One thing that I am missing lately is not being able to read consistently.

 

P G Wodehouse. I never thought I would cry reading it. Literally. And not even khusi ke aanshun. Ridiculous Characters. Forced plots. I would have torn the book apart if it was cheap and of my own.

 

What else?? I have to make REVERSE presentation on something. AND the project that I am working on is high VISIBILITY project. AND I watched Scent of a Woman last night on Zee Studio.

 

I want to go home. But I have some work. And I could have finished my work. And gone home. But I haven’t. Ok.

 

 

I want to write something incredibly funny. And I don’t want to write I am god. Or I am the stupidest creature in this world.

 

So, late in night, we wanted to have a glass of tea. And Bangalore rocks so we cant find a hotel open after 10:10. And getting milk in night is pain. But we believe we gotta do what we gotta do.

 

At one suttee ki dukan + kinda grocery store -

 

My roomie: Boss, doodh hai kya?

Boss: ‘Eritage’ hai.

My roomie: HAIN?

Boss: ‘Heritage.’

My roomie: doodh hee hai  naa?

Boss: haan. Ten rupees.

 

Hehe. Bakaiti. Aptly used word by my friend. Ab apan log itne bhikari toh nahi lagte yaar ki dus rupaye afford naa kar paayein. Us din raat ko hamne HERITAGE doodh se bani chai pee.

Friday night. 8:43 PM. And I am sitting in office writing a post. I need to get some life. Anyway, lately Life Sux has become my favourite dialogue once again. Reminds me of my college days wen I was dying to get out of it. Anyway, I definitely had something in mind. Oh. Ok. All this while I though that being disorganized is no big deal. I thought it was rather kool. But now I kind of realize that the way I am disorganized in my life is actually a reflection of how disorganized I am in my thoughts. And everything would have been kool if it wasn’t for the consequences you have to face wen you live in real world.

 

Friday night. 9:03 PM. I am still sitting here.

 

Friday night. 9:09 PM. I am still sitting here.

 

Friday night. 9:28 PM. And I am about to go in 10 minutes.

 

 

Here by the ocean, waves carry voices from you..

 

So. I wanted to write about this incident. I am not very fond of horror movies. The sad thing is I usually get scared when I watch a horror movie. I have tried different mechanisms to get around the issue, like imagining that everything is happening in front of a camera and all. Anyway, so I watched Exorcism of Emily Rose in one of those gloomy nights, way back, in 2005, I suppose, when the movie was released, in my hostel room. Alone. And I survived. And then I slept. And then I woke up. At 3:00. And I wanted to go pee. And if you have seen the movie, one of its many profound dialogues is ‘At 3 they come.’ Or something. Things get messy in movie as soon as its 3:00 am. In a hostel, technically there is no night. So whenever you get out of your room, you will definitely find someone. I was so scared, I knew I wouldn’t go to bathroom. And so I got up on the bed, and from the window of my room on second floor I pissed.