I should just shut my trap up. I need more control. I hope the new levels of emotions I feel is not general extension of this losing-my-control phenomenon.

Anyway, should I or should I not? May be I should. The fact that I am thinking twice is a reason good enough.

It's been on very specific occasions that I have written about someone else in my blog.

I know. After almost 4 years with this blog, I have finally made peace with it. And I write this post, with a sense of belongingness that I have with old friends. Like Phaedrus had with his motorcycle I guess.

I am not going to write about blog. I am going to write about my team.
So this team that I work with. Is full of girls. And given that I have been with the company for more than three years, I have a sense of self-righteousness and lack of respect bordering to contempt for political correctness. You know as I write this, I feel like a coward looking out for ways to hide something. shit man. after years of self-evaluation the closest I find myself to is the word cowardice. Not a good feeling but finally I am aware atleast.

So this team of girls, mostly the ones who are junior to me in age and experience. I think I will never tell them that how special they have made me feel at times. (There are boys as well..but lets not waste ink here.) To the levels that I belived for quite sometime that I had a refined sense of humor. The only thing thats stopping me from recounting instances is my own belief that I can not do justice. They are special and I hope they are as happy as I believe them to be.

Anyway, there is this girl. And she seems wise beyond her years. And she is not amongst the one that I talked above about. She is so hot in her own subtle ways. She seems like someone who has got a nice story to tell. I am thinking about asking her out. Only if I did not have this very low self steam, I would already have. I hope I do.

'Contempt' seems to be my word for the year. Contempt is what I feel for the things that I deserve and the things I dont.

Anyway. Finally completed reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I would have said that I loved it but the author will feel contempt for the generic nature of the response and somehow he seems like someone whose opinion should be given some importance. So I will just say that the book got me thinking. The book was lent to me by a friend. Seriously, if you want to be remembered - lend a good book and make sure its read. Anyway, he said that it was a life changing book. And so I am not sleeping for past few days. You dont want to be sleeping while your life changes. See..I feel contempt for cracking jokes everytime.

The book discusses about a problem - 'stuckness'. And I got stuck right there. So I started re-reading the whole book. And it seemed so smooth in the second reading when I was looking for answers of specific questions I had pondering about the point of the book. I would have liked to write some more on my take on the book to give the impression that i completely got it..but now I cant, can I?

Anyway, you should understand that I wrote so much about the book here so that you would read it.

'It's an old split. Like the one between art and art history. One does it and one talks about how it's done and the talk about how it's done never seems to match how one does it.'