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So I had been to home to celebrate Holi. I was pretty excited, as it was my first trip home after of course securing a decent job. Also, I thot that it had been really long since I had last visited my home. I remembered I had been too early to come back to IIt in summers, on 21st May to be precise, as I had to do this Practical Training (PT). So it had been like 10 months that I had been to home as I didnt visit it during winters, all thanks to placememt activities. Anyway, then I remembered tht I had been to home for Diwali but I cudnt actually recall the details, like where I had celebrated it. My sisters live in Raipur, and my parents live in a gaon named 'Dondi'(remember it as it will be remembered as the gaon where I lived for almost 18 years!). Most probably I had been to Dondi, as it feels like home. And I have never been able to sense any changes in it. Less greenery, may be.

So whats next?! So as I was going home, I looked outside my train window,(which was by the way like a desert, no hariyali whatsoever, if you know what I mean.) I saw loads of 'Palash' trees. Ya, the once, which have this 'flame' red flowers on it.Dont I just love them. They remind me of of my bachpan. I dont really know how. I suppose there was these serial which used to come on DD, when I was still a primary school going child, which showed 'palash ke phool' at the begining. Aah! Wonderful times. How I miss them! They (the flowers) make my heart etch, make me feel like I am missing out something on life. That the most beautiful thing has got to be the pain which one feels for the days gone too far in past. Wow! I was almost a poet back there!

Speaking of the things that remind me of something, 'Dhoop'(the sunshine) reminds me of my gaon. And of my childhood again. Again I dont know why. Everytime I saw it, it reminded me of the place where I belong, more so in my early days out here. Again no idea how! I remember I used to sit outside our home, mainly in winter, and cram up things. How maggu I was back then. Who wud say that I am tht same guy?!?!

Ab aaj joh main senti mode mein ghoos hee gaya hun toh I think I should continue. Ours was a small place. Three rooms to be precise. A typical government employee's quarter. And we were seven. :O . It's really hard to believe now. And we all were quite good with studies. Never went to any tuitions. Well, but then those were the days when going to tuitions was not much in fashion. Well, I am definitely going to send my kids to tuitions though. Well, I know for sure that he wud be smart, what if not as I am, still he wud be ahead of his class, so he wud get to impress the gals in his group with his intelligence. That is what I think is one of the rare advantages of tuition. Why didnt I go to tuition, bhagwaan; why??? You ask why I am crying out this loud??? Well. You sure dint go to an all boys school then.

So as I feel that I have absolutely nothing to talk about my current life, except may be how fucked up it is, I feel wud I ever be able to feel happy for a continuous period of time? I mean I have a decent job, I even got gud marks in one of the courses. But no, I just refuse to be happy. I think happiness is like these points in time, its your responsibility to stretch them and make those points as lines, as long as possible. okk! no fundaes on life no more.

So I was talking about my family. May be one day, I will write a book on them. Each of them so different from each other, still reaching to the same height of greatness.
I know it feels like there is much left unsaid.

ohh! And triple rice. becus I have missed my dinner, and I am planning on eating triple rice from canteen. dont ask me the origin of this word. But it sure tastes good.

Posted in: on Saturday, March 10, 2007 at at 9:09 PM