mere dil ki suno duniya walon.
yaa mujhko abhi chup rahne doh.
main gam ko khusi kaise kah dun.
joh kahte hain unko kahne doh.
this is the song that i sang when i heard the news that i was promoted. yeah. i am promoted.
anyway, you work hard. you invest your soul and mind. and i am not talking about office- office. i am talking about life in general. you want to be just. most of the time you manage to be just. you try not to complain. you come to know that life is not fair. and there are shortcuts. but still you want to be the guy who doesnt bend or compromise. (who is this "you" guy, btw??!)
but then you give in. you give in to the temptation of being the object of sympathy. being the guy that has been wronged. seeking recognition of the wonderful you who never complained.
hehe. but that shows weakness. and you are not weak. and you dont want to come out as weak! so you push yourself. and you feel good.
but then again, you are not alone in world. you see others doing better than you. and you clearly see the reasons why they are doing better than you. 'that's unfair' you say. first to yourself. than you try hard not to say that to anyone else.
but telling yourself that 'that's unfair' shows weakness too. but 'that's SO bloody unfair!' you say again anyway. hoping that this will be the last time.
and it continues. the only end that you see, is death. and you wait for it eagerly. but that is 'giving in' again. its not just about death anymore. its you against the world. you like the competition.
the only way out is to concur it. you want to be powerful now. but power comes with a price. you know it. and you feel good that whether others failed to wield the sword of power without compromising, you will come out just fine. uncorrupted and uncompromising as ever. but then the world does not give the best deal to the most deserving candidate. 'why not?!' you ask. you think you can change the rules of the game. once you have the power, that is. so you start playing the game by its rule. and that keeps you busy. you like it.
but you dont want to lose the perspective. you keep reminding yourself that this is a game. and your mission is to change the rules.
and you play it. only to realise that the world is big. and you are not a superman. 'why not?!' you say again. you say that you can be the superman. and you persist.
you definitely witness early successes. beginners luck?! no, not in your case. as you climb up the ladder, you see yourself surrounded by people, who are seeking the same thing. only that they are not 'you'. you know that you are better than them. you wonder if all of them are actually like you. wronged by this unjust world! you get disgusted by this feeling of weakness- being sympathetic to the enemy. you can not leave this to chance. the most powerful man has to be you. only you can resist the corruption that power induces on human nature.
you come to think of this as a vicious cycle. you realise that you were not the only one who took it to himself the responsibility of making this world a better place. you first get disgusted by looking at the fellow miserable man who thought that he could change the world. you wonder if that fellow miserable man thinks the same about you.
then you also realise that this is not the only time that someone has tried to concur the world. you look at the people who are more powerful than you are. you rate them as you go along.you smartly drop out those you are there just by chance.
when you started you had a clear goal. you wanted to be most powerful. now you start wondering if there is one in this world. every time you locate one, there is always some one else challenging his authority.
well, its a good game.
Posted in: on Friday, May 1, 2009 at at 12:51 PM