I finally visited a dentist. And I feel indebted to write this post to thank them. Generally, I wouldn't mention their facilities name but I get the feeling that they are new and need all the PR they could. The clinic is MyDentist and it is located in Galleria Market, Gurgaon.

Here is a background story.

About a year ago, I wanted to have my teeth checked and visited a dentist. You know how taxing that exercise is. So the dentist tells me that I have two cavities and does the quick work of fixing it. A week after that, I know the work was not perfect and I can feel that cavities are not entirely filled. Worse, now I have the annoying condition of food getting stuck in my teeth.

I don't visit another dentist for more than a year. You see, my faith in dentists is shaken.

Fast forward to now.

Finally, I understand the fact that my health is my responsibility. So it's an early Friday in dh and I'm in Gallaria at 4 in afternoon. I want to visit an eye clinic first. I go there and get my appointment. Then I decide that while I'm at it, I could as well visit a dentist and as a result of a random Google search land up at MyDentist.

I see the doctor attending patients and calls at reception with dexterity. She is caring and has a personal interest in her patients is my initial thought. She does a quick check up of condition of my teeth and asks me to come tomorrow. I ask her - "what are the chances that it wouldn't get fixed completely even this time" and she replied honestly that there is always a risk but she will do her best. I ask her what would be the cost expecting it to be at top decile as Gallaria in general is expensive. And she says 700 per tooth. That made me happy. I gather she is a smart woman and knows that expenses can still be met if she has enough customers visiting her. And I hope they do.

They are an all women team and they are doing their job with great level of professionalism and integrity. We need more such people in India.

Posted in: on Saturday, June 28, 2014 at at 12:05 PM 0 comments  

Queen has become my new favourite film. Kangana is inspirational. Not just in film but the way she seems to have evolved. Doing her own thing. Knowing the secret that nobody knows anything worth knowing. Why not just do what feels right.

However, the trigger for this blog post was this answer on quora:

http://www.quora.com/India/What-is-the-craziest-experience-youve-had-when-a-prospective-groom-bride-had-come-to-see-you-for-the-first-time-before-the-wedding/answer/Parul-Dixit?srid=OuTR&share=1

Not sure if you would have time to go through this answer but it has got like 7.1k upvotes on quora so in all probability it will be worth your time.



We all know how the story ends. I just wandered what impact it would have created if it ended differently. If she refused to answer stupid questions. If she refused to comply. Sure enough even that story would not be difficult to predict. Denial, anger, depression and acceptance - those are four stages of dealing with a tragedy (like lose of a loved one). I can see all of them happening here; but would it be a tragedy?

What impact will it have on a girl who is going to go through the same drill tomorrow? Will she find Parul inspirational and take the jump? Most likely not. But what if that girl negotiated a deal with her understanding family and was allowed to confess to the visiting party that cooking is not the sole goal of her life and she doesn't enjoy it.

What if Parul improvised a bit instead of being completely honest. What if she made up a story where she took a stand?!

That was the point when I realized that lies can be inspirational. So many inspirational stories - how many of them are improvised? How many of them did shape our world?

I started off with Queen. I am singing 'maine honthon se lagayee toh.. hungama ho gaya..' all the time these days. It has that room for shouting out loud that suits me just fine. Of course, literally the lyrics is about a girl who dared to drink. Metaphorically, it is much much more (like everything else. you say?!).

The song has the potential. I am going to sing it every time I challenge a norm. I hope.

Posted in: on Tuesday, June 17, 2014 at at 8:41 PM 0 comments  




Does this picture tell a story?

It's early morning of June 01. Taken from my house. Just outside my balcony.

I was watching House MD when I suddenly realized it was drizzling outside. The wind is flirting with tops of trees. They seem to like it.

Its also birthday of my niece who turns 2 today.

I am very aware of my happiness.

Posted in: on Sunday, June 1, 2014 at at 5:41 AM 0 comments  

The nature of truth fascinates me.

Nietzsche says ‘There are no facts. Only interpretations.’

Following is a conversation from Cloud Atlas, a movie released in 2012 produced by Wachowski siblings (who also produced Matrix, one of my all-time favourites)

Archivist: On behalf of my Ministry and the future of Unanimity, I want to thank you for the final interview. Remember, this isn't an interrogation or trial. Your version of the truth is all that matters.
Sonmi-451: Truth is singular. Its "versions" are mistruths.

These two statements from Nietzsche and Sonmi-451 contradict each other. Is singularity of Truth its only defining quality?!

We can think about it in terms of examples.

A terrorist could be a freedom fighter.

Insanity could be a different reality. A more real reality, maybe.

Is truth really dependent on the number of people that believe it?

All these examples seem to support what Nietzsche said. But is that it?

Following is a scene from 1992 movie, My Cousin Vinny.

Vinny Gambini: Look, maybe I could have handled the preliminary a little better, okay? I admit it. But what's most important is winning the case. I could do it. I really could. Let me tell you how, okay? The D.A.'s got to build a case. Building a case is like building a house. Each piece of evidence is just another building block. He wants to make a brick bunker of a building. He wants to use serious, solid-looking bricks, like, like these, right?
[puts his hand on the wall]
Bill: Right.
Vinny Gambini: Let me show you something.
[he holds up a playing card, with the face toward Billy]
Vinny Gambini: He's going to show you the bricks. He'll show you they got straight sides. He'll show you how they got the right shape. He'll show them to you in a very special way, so that they appear to have everything a brick should have. But there's one thing he's not gonna show you.
[turns the card, so that its edge is toward Billy]
Vinny Gambini: When you look at the bricks from the right angle, they're as thin as this playing card. His whole case is an illusion, a magic trick. It has to be an illusion, 'cause you're innocent. Nobody - I mean nobody - pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini, especially this one. Give me a chance, one chance. Let me question the first witness. If after that point, you don't think that I'm the best man for the job, fire me then and there. I'll leave quietly, no grudges. All I ask is for that one chance. I think you should give it to me.

I realise that this could not make much sense to someone not having seen the movie already. A quick you tube search gives me this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvSTjvDYUk4

We also have Satyamev Jayate. Only truth prevails. Wouldn’t it be fantastic to have faith in such a philosophy.

Interpretation is dependent on language. When I say “I am writing this blog”, I am already adhering to a convention of communication that assumes so much. What do I mean by “I” or “write” or “blog” can all be contested at philosophical level.

A good conclusion of this writing would be to drive some consistency between these two seemingly opposing perceptions on truth. A way of doing that could be to acknowledge existence of absolute truth and then say that it cannot be perceived or expressed.


Posted in: on Monday, May 12, 2014 at at 4:25 PM 1 comments  

office tales

so a friend tells in office to some. 'grass is always greener on the other side'. on our way down, i suggest an improvization. 'there is no grass anywhere'. 'because we smoked it up', adds the third in the party. it takes me a second to realize that 'grass' is a synonym for weed.

in another instance, we come out of the lift. there is a girl in the lift as well from office that sits right across but we have never communicated with her. while entering office, she searches her bag to look for access card. our office have this access gates that you find in delhi metroes. while she searches, we move ahead and i open the gates for my friend to go as even he doesnt have the access card with him. i punch my card again to open the doors and say to her to go ahead.  she says thanks. now these doors lead to another door into cafeteria that eventually lead to office desks. while she movea ahead, the friend has already moved ahead and while he waits for me, keeps the door open for the lady to pass. i feel proud of him (he is good 4 yrs junior to me) and girl must have thanked him in most unaudible whisper. while she is about to pass the cafeteria door, she waits for us to pass before her. nice, i felt.

Posted in: on Friday, May 24, 2013 at at 10:29 PM 2 comments  

long vacation

this series could have very well saved my life. i was new in delhi. did not have many friends. did not have a parmanent accomodation. it was new years. i watched it all night and felt happy. thanks to mag as well.

in all my ignorance, i cant recall how many times i was on edge and saved by mysterious forces so on the face.. so very invisible. now i think of it..rather try to think of them.. but cant recall when i was very fragile. when..? now but never before.. or always? they always come to your rescue. dont they?! i am talking about s and m i guess.

long vacation in a japanese tele series by the way and was given to me by a friend at a time when i did not even know about it. i guess he just figured that i would need it one day.

a got married. he is just a kid. i hope he has all the happiness. went to hrishikesh and then haridwar. surprisingly pleasant. explored downtown. good beer i must say.

Posted in: on Sunday, April 28, 2013 at at 11:06 PM 1 comments  

on being asked about his connection with kolkata gulzar narrats a story followed by an almost not rhetorical question - do u believe a book can change your life? he is still talking about the book guardian from tagore. i took his question quite literally. i knew the answer was yes. all i wanted to figure out now what the book itself. 5 minutes is all it took to figure that it was concepts of physics by h c verma.

on being asked about his relationship with ghalib, he said, that he could talk to any person and talk about things important to the person. ghalib kisi se bhi baat kar sakta tha, aur ushi kee baat karta tha. i said wow. that like the greatest compliment one can pay to the greatest shayar of all time.

i dont quite remember it, but it more or less goes this way -

sharaab mat pee, maszid mein baithkar ghalib.
ghalib kahte hain - woh jagah bata de jahan khuda na ho.

btw, gulzar was interviewed on a program called aaj savere on dd 1 which comes every morning.

Posted in: on Thursday, April 4, 2013 at at 8:51 PM 1 comments  

acm update

its been quite some time that i wrote down anything.

this post is dedicated to two people at work actually.

so i was interviewed by ns. he is a lively character. i often tell him that his interview was the reason i joined dh. but then i tell that to everyone who had interviewed me. anyway, i got this award in the all company meeting and in the post party, ns came to me and said 'i am really proud of you.' and i knew he meant it. this post is an excuse to have this event documented. dh is famous for its parties btw. i also remember the christmas party and i had just started to have dinner. ns comes near me and tells me that there are two kinds of people. ' people who dance and people who watch. i have always been a person who dances.' so he drags me with him to the dance floor, seeks attention of a girl i havent ever spoken to and tells her that i have never danced with a girl in my life. ns is of course an old timer and demands alot of respect. girl laughs and starts dancing with me. i crack some joke about how this is most wonderful moment of my life and she laughs. i want to thank her.

the other person that demands special mention is si. si is a fresher ans has just started out on her job. of course at the beginning she didnt have any idea of what she was required to do so a lot of my time went into her onboarding process. anyway she is a sweet girl and we have communicated extensively through emails, oc and phone. yes she is located in a different geographical situation and we have been looking forward to this annual event that brings people from different offices together. sadly, the plans for this year is different and this annual event will happen only for india office in india. but i guess that is for best i guess. the meetings always disappoint.

and my managers also took me out on lunch. that was quite sweet of them. pk joined the team and is working with me and i am glad.

Posted in: on Saturday, March 9, 2013 at at 6:01 PM 2 comments  

i just finished watching cricket world cup match between india and west indies and i feel so good that i am writing a post on it.

i started watching it only once i had come from office and when i saw star cricket showing live cricket i got curious. this is womens cricket! i said and started watching.

India had batted first and made 285. quite impressive i said. west indies had batted for 14 overs and had already lost 3 wickets for under 50 runs. aah, we have won already i said.

then i went to loo for 15 minutes. please dont say - 15! minutes. yeah thats normal.

when i was back, miss dottin has just hit niranjana for a four. the commentator mentions that india had scored same score in as much over. what had happened in these 15 minutes i wondered. another boll and another 6. wow. admiration. next ball, niranjana gets miss dottin leg before the wicket. and she celebrated. smiles in the environment but a sense of loss. i wish i could see miss dottin bat some more. for the rest of the match, commentators (and sanjay manjrekar too, i like him better after hearing him in this match and post match presentation) keep mentioning the innings by miss dottin. even i am a fan now. more research on miss dottin will tell you that she has already hit a 100 off 38 balls. and she is just 21. respect miss dottin.

i also have become fans of all woman cricketers after hearing them in post match interviews. sanjay asks wi captain if she would like any change in her bowling side - she smiles and says no. mithali raj is good as well. niranjana is a fan of srishanth. and they all smile.

good job gals. i think i would go to firojshah kotla to watch them.

Posted in: on Thursday, January 31, 2013 at at 10:20 PM 1 comments  

new year special

few quick lines before i wrap up the year

what is the summary? who or what is the year dedicated to? my niece wins by a large margin.

life is a great balancing act. i am going to give positivity its importance. everything has positive sides. everything.

and so i was going to say how i have been aware of some bad decisions but then i realize it is a cycle and your opinions change. yes i am going to control how i am going to change.

what are the learnings?

proactivity has a value. things never have same effect if you do it after being reminded of.

take some time. always take your time.

speak clearly. speak to an audience. dont speak to yourself. speak honestly. trust that people are intelligent.

marriages.. how many of them got married already.

Posted in: on Monday, December 31, 2012 at at 8:08 PM 0 comments  

poem

a sense of loss
only if i could always be in that constant tension
i would have deviced ways to take off my mind, only unseccessfully, doing great things on the way
hoping that one day, i could have some sense of pride
to tell her that i deserved her
but that will never be
and somewhere i never expected to be accepted
but just be able to tell and have her listen.

Posted in: on Monday, December 24, 2012 at at 10:29 PM 1 comments  

This was back in 2006-2007. My sister had this big interview that we
prepared for together. This was about time that i visited many temples
incidently. On each of these visits I asked for only one thing.

There is some background to it. As a child I was very obidient. I still am.
Now that i think about it i could have participated and won in the
competition for most obidient kid. Not that i am proud of it. Its kind of
sad in its own way.

So my father wanted me to light diya every evening before we sat down for
dinner. I would invariably be home in evening light diya. I would also take
a tiny bit of bhaat and dedicate it to diya. MyEnglish fails me.

Effectively I was a worshipper. Then the result of interview came and I
stopped it.

Now the history has a chance to correct itself. I am better prepared.

Naa sukh hai, na dukh hai. Na din hai na dukhi. Bus main hun. Says the
Guide.

Posted in: on Tuesday, November 6, 2012 at at 7:30 PM 1 comments  

test

test

Posted in: on Saturday, November 3, 2012 at at 1:49 PM 0 comments  

i believe in miracles.. and a miracle has happened tonight.

i was watching a really engaging movie - the skin i live in. the movie has one of the very shocking revelations i have seen in a movie. pure scare. gives you a benchmark for the depth of darkness a human mind is capable of.

in parallel, i was watching tv. dd 1 to be specific. bharat ki shaan to be very specific.

you see, when you are watching a movie and are involved in it, you always know when something bad is about to happen. it scares the shit out of me. and tv is my exit strategy. it is my connection to the world - kind of one insanity that protects you from another kind.

so i pause right when i know the worst is about to happen in the movie - its my own version of worst and i need a break before i face it.

this is a music talent show loosely copying new version of saregama. but its better. ismail darbaar is still there but toned down. and there is usha uthup. i like her. and i like the host. manoj tiwari. and i like the participants. and i like the songs they sing. and i like the way they sing it.

the show also has an improvement. a true innovation, they select five persons from general public who judge the participants as well. and yes i love that as well. like and love - difference of a degree. or maybe no difference at all.

but that is enough of introduction already.

so i paused.

and the participants come. to sing. its kind of near the end of season. and the round is really tough. the participants are required to sing without music. very nice round indeed.

the boy comes. sings awaarapan, banjaarapan. quite decent i thought. judges from audience are happy. he gets five stars from them. usha uthup is happy as well. the participant is from usha's team so ismail gets to give stars. he is not very impressed. two judges get into an argument. ismail gives three stars. the participant cries.

i dont see my strategy working. is there no escape? i think.

a break comes. i put tv on the mute.

i unpause the movie. and it happens. shit. i smoke. i kind of try to re-evaluate the happenings in the film in view of the new revelation and i shiver.

but there is more to come.

and i pause.

i unmute the television. the girl comes. she sing 'ae maalik tere bande hum'. i kind of imagine the judges as gods as the lyrics flows in the air.

bada kamjor hai aadmi, abhi laakhon hai ismein kami.
par tu joh khada, hai dayaloo badaa. teri kirpaa se dharti thamee.

but the girl is no lata mangeshkar. and ismail is no god. judges from audience give four and usha gives four. i liked usha. the girl takes it with more grace than the boy did. i like the girl as well. happiness is contagious.

i put tv on the mute during the break.

i play the movie. the worst is about to happen. i hope it does not.

the girl goes down stairs. takes the gun. comes up and shoots him. i feel relaxed. the sound of a gunshot wakes up the 'lady' care taker. she takes her gun and comes up to the room, looks at the dead body, trembles and looks for the girl. what will happen? please don't let it be the movie where everyone is dead in the end. and it doesn't. the girl come out from beneath the bed, shoots and kills her. i feel happy.

the girl visits her mother's shop. she and her assistance look old. the girl loved the assistance and tells her her story. i hope that cops dont come now to arrest the girl for her crimes.

the credits roll.

i feel relieved.

i unmute tv. final participant, a boy, comes. sings 'roop tera mastana'. murders it. the judges from audience give one star. manoj thanks the person who voted for the boy and in the way made the show 'classier' than anything i had seen from tv recently.

ismail gives three star. four stars,in total, seal the fate of the boy. eliminated.

final showdown. all the participants are up the stage. so are the judges. and so is manoj. usha starts crying.

manoj says - usha aap veto ka ishtemaal kar sakti hain. usha nodes in denial. manoj says again but now with a conviction that eludes me forever - ushaji, main chahta hun aap veto ka ishtemaal karein. usha looks at ismail. ismail smiles and says 'bilkul, khusi se'.

and that was how the boy was saved.

and that is how i hope you get saved as well.


Posted in: on Tuesday, October 9, 2012 at at 12:35 AM 1 comments  

so there are so many things that one can be good at? then why do we not try any of them?

i am not an initiator. i am not a driver. i am not a team player. its difficult to believe that i am still surviving. thats it - i am a survivor. corniest line ever.

indestructible but low form of life. i dont like the example of cockroaches.

but i am thinking now. hopefully i will be an initiator and a driver.

Posted in: on Saturday, September 8, 2012 at at 6:00 PM 1 comments  

AUGUST 5?  yes. no major epiphanies yet. i actually mistyped 'epiphanies' before and one of the suggested words was phoniness.

anyway, where was i? or more importantly, where am i? you know, the quintessential 'existential' question? do i belong here and if not here than where kinds.

so while i stay at home to nurse my fractured collar bone, i thought i would give this question some more thoughts.

i watched few of the woody allen movies and i must say that i identify with the guy. unsure, pseudo-intellectual and almost pathetic, i am starting to wonder how he managed to move on. inspirational stuff.

one of the short term goals would be to chase after material success. money, i meant. and comfort. one of the drivers is to see if over indulgence finally wears it off.

the way to the goal - i need to be good at communication. stop seeing it as a way of tricking people into believing that you are saying something important and see it as a major tool like sas that can be used at different level of expertise and should be perfected even if there is no reason for doing it. but i do see alot many usage of it - it will help me set expectations correctly, it will make my unwillingness to communicate proactively barely feasible and on the way i could analyze my weaknesses and bask in the contradictory glory.

whats the matter with my communication in addition to my unwillingness to accept its importance -

balance, i need to appreciate the balance, like getting the amount of salt correctly in a dish. i have a content that i want to share, but i don't want to memorize it all because then i am not participating in the conversation as the sudden objective become to be done with the conversation in a single breath.
but i should have an organization of thoughts, major bullet points that i want covered.

now the one hand i am using to type it is in pain and i want to finish it now.

some finer points were - pauses, emphasis, repetitiveness, summarization, to the point.

Posted in: on Thursday, August 16, 2012 at at 11:44 PM 1 comments  

wow. r got promoted.

i was thinking whether to mention it or not.

i have always been confused around such kind of decision. i somehow remember the indecisiveness i showed in case of p. in retrospect, everything is so clear. hopefully i have learnt. its always better to be prejudiced than not have an opinion at all. i still dont believe in that statement.

i had these big ideas i wanted to write about. major epiphanies. life changing. its his way of making our lives interesting i guess.

so i was talking to s and as it always does the subject just drifted to marriage and related topic. he mentioned that he will say yes to the first girl he meets. all girls are good, he said. munh kee baat chheen li.

and i told him that we have got matured over these years. i guess i was talking for myself. now i dont crib why they dont call me more frequently. now i just feel happy that they called. patience. the greatest virtue of all time.

and i also like the words 'drift' and 'converge'. i hope my life is a converging series even though it might seem drifting away.

and i feel a serious shortage of money these days. i need to earn some extra money is what i feel. i need to work on it. i am also thinking about registering for courses. lets see how that goes.

Posted in: on Saturday, June 30, 2012 at at 12:37 AM 0 comments  

she comes into my life. and she smiles when i sing. and she also scares the shit out of me.

Posted in: on Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at at 8:40 PM 1 comments  

i had something to write about. cant remember it now. that is one of the reasons why i wanted to buy note. dont have enough money though.

i was just looking at a rooftop view of a landscape most probably taken in Bangalore. I will own a home at 19th floor of some building in Bangalore. I like the idea.

Great.

for sometime now, i cannot sleep. is it ac? is it physical discomfort to begin with. dont know.

yess. now i remember. i wanted to write about mag n. he is one of a kind. and he irritates the heck out of me. but i like him. mostly because i think that he gives me the feeling that i understand him. that was some realization.

and i remember again. i have an inertia towards change. seriously man. you need to be in control. understatement. dont worry if you are not completely expressed by the time you die, it will still be better than adulteration. be thankful. but be quiet.

and i remember again. i wanted to talk about the idea of home. i could write an article on it. i remember about it when i hear - where do we go now?! - played. that one phrase sums up the idea of home. you can always go home. that is your exit strategy.

also i need to relax and not care for few things irrelevant. see how that turns out. dont pretend that you care. be honest etc.

this turned out to be above average post.

Posted in: on Wednesday, May 30, 2012 at at 7:12 PM 0 comments  

what do i want to write.

on my flight, back from raipur, i gathered courage and vanity to talk to a girl sitting next. it was inspiring. thanks to mag n.

and what else? this is may. supposed to be very hot. as a child, i liked summer. i did my bit of kite making and kite flying. and we generally roamed around. on burning earth. played cricket. it was good. definitely.

i cant remember when i was happy the last time. i see some fleeting images. but not any concrete incidences.  first year at iit was the best. infinite lukhkhaness. will never come back.

for a couple of weeks now, i get a depressing feeling at morning. not good.

finished reading anna karenina. i dont feel like reading anything else now. bought a book on indian history but it would be a long time before i read it.

what else? i need to find a way of passing time. killing time rather.

this is a depressing post. like most of my depressing post, i think it is pointedly exaggerated and i am not as sad.

Posted in: on Monday, May 21, 2012 at at 7:52 PM 0 comments  

after so long.

i went home. came back. bought a dongle back home and now we video chat. great stuff.

i fell sick. the normal kind. the one that makes you miss your family terribly and make u wish that u had the courage to quit and return. this is not the first time i fell sick. i felt sick at iit. realized there that if you have fever you shud not wrap yourself in blanket, rather endure the coldness and hopefully fever will go.

in bangalore, it was more terrible, u were supposed to go office and work. shit that was some experience. how did i get better. i guess it was a matter of time. i will eventually go and see a doctor. have blood test etc. a friend recommended dolo 650 and that was a life saver.

here in gurgaon, i went office but was scolded and sent back. a colleague/friend also took me to see a doctor. real nice of him. and i did not go office for the rest of the week and missed  home terribly. multiple times i thought how i was gonna spend my rest of life. places like these give u a feeling of being stuck forever.

i also went and watched a movie alone. did not like it much. vicky donor.

what else can be done. i am generally fine with being alone. i should not think that i am missing out on life.

and work is particularly boring these days.

ok. wrapping it up.

Posted in: on Friday, May 18, 2012 at at 7:22 PM 0 comments  

Continuing on my 'cowardice' theme.

Artists are cowards, mostly. 'Artists use lies to tell the truth,' as pointed out by V. And I agree. It makes perfect sense. Isn't fiction or poetry a mean(should there be an s) to conceal your secrets? Artists also want the approval of the audience. Which also makes them sad. Anyway, that would be a different time.

So, I was thinking of different stories that could emerge out of a seed situation, a trigger incident and 'cause and effect' relationship.

It all comes down to understanding the basic setup I guess.

What would be some of the interesting seed situations? A seed situation could be about a person (obviously me) realizing contradictions. Trigger could be his attempt to bring consistency to his behavior. So that's it. A trigger is an agent of change. Experiments. I feel pathetic. And yet relieved.

But I will write a story.

Posted in: on Thursday, April 5, 2012 at at 7:33 PM 0 comments  

when are we most funny? 'when we are honest,' i concluded.

honesty also means courage. courage to say the truth. be ready to accept the consequences.

'am i honest?,' you ask yourself.

being silent. playing safe. is that cowardice? i think it is. it is also maturity. maturity and cowardice are so inter-related. it is a matter of point of view i guess.

these are all fragmented thoughts. left as cues. and one day, i will read it up and compile it into story of my life. that was tragic.

i feel particularly pathetic nowadays. greeting people up in the morning is so not me. also i have a style. i should maintain the style. under-expression. oh yeah.

i went to see chiriyaghar. it was the first occasion i was truly impressed with delhi.

is that all?

so there is a movie, where different characters are characters. so you have vengeance fighting duty for supremacy.

and what is important?

this is a sad post. different but sad.

Posted in: on Monday, April 2, 2012 at at 9:36 PM 0 comments  

It was a Saturday. I got a call from my brother in law. He said that he was forced to observe fast on the occasion of Shivaratri. And I thought I will not eat today as well. I thought I will do it the proper way and hence not drink water as well. I felt ridiculous at the thought of not having done it before. 27 years already, high time. But then I became little reasonable. I said I will drink water. So I went to meet my friend as planned. He asked me whether I wanted to eat. I said no. He said OK and started eating. And I started eating as well.

Why am I writing this? I definitely had a point.

Yes. So I am trying to define ultimate rule set. Things that I will do when encountered with the mammoth task of making a decision.

So I went home. I didn't smoke for a week. While I was at it I though that I will not smoke again for rest of my life. I had tried that before. I met recently-to-be-engaged Mr J and I thought that I will smoke as soon as I had company. I came back and did not smoke for 5 days. Then I smoked again. Today I smoked again. What is the rule set here?

One rule, working for sure, is that all rules can be bent. Unless I make that an official rule and then break it. Not funny at all.

But what's with this? I think it could be a good life. Rule based. I am experimenting with them. That's the only way to truth. Experiments. Otherwise you will never know.

I am procrastinating again. You would not believe it but I spelled that in one shot straight. I get a feeling that I am about to do something. I just need to get the feeling that I am 'in the moment'. For quite sometime I have been looking at myself as someone from outside. I need to take control, talk less and do something.

Posted in: on Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at at 9:30 PM 0 comments  

i was sitting on this railing kind of structure waiting for my friends to come back. and i was thinking about what it is that makes someone great. essentially about its knowing what to do and then having the courage to do it. intelligence and courage, i summarised. at that point, it struck to me that i had arrived at these two qualities with some logical deduction which appeared very novel, but as i write this i am not very impressed.

so a friend visited. met him almost after 5 years. wow. and it didnt feel like he has changed. whcih basically proves tht people dont change. and is that not true?! we only learn to manipulate our image.

so suppose, that this world started with an initial state. and there are n variables that define that state. if you believe in cause and effect which incidently i do, you should be able to clearly draw out a map of all future states.

but there has to be an element of randomness and that is why i think that initial state must have been in an equilibrium with equal probability of things turning their course into two opposite sides. and ones they are far from that equilibrium state it can not be reversed.

at this point in time, i have a strong urge to put a disclaimer that says that i feel idiotic pretending that i have realised something new, and even though i have done it already, i resolve to not do that in future. in a way, this is one disclaimer for all future posts.

coming back to the point - people not changing - is true but there are still some traits that they have not shown - and these are the traits that should be exhibited with extreme care to draw that map of future and may be that is why you should take extra time to resolve your moral dilemma because once you have decided everything else is benchmarked and kind of decided.

i know that few examples and a smoother language would have made this post really thought provoking. for the time being, i am just happy that i was able to put it out as text.

Posted in: on Sunday, March 18, 2012 at at 1:04 AM 0 comments  

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