a new year post will be too dramatic, i know.

but i think it was a good year. i have become more aware of my inner and outer worlds. my ee-he-nglish has improved for sure. and i have become more tolerant of my stupid and smart decisions.

i am not the one who advocates talking too much about himself.

there will be extreme moments of desperation and frustration, but lets just hope we remember that its always good to be alive.

Captain Renault: [to Ilsa] I was informed that you were the most beautiful woman ever to visit Casablanca. That was a gross understatement.

Posted in: on Thursday, December 31, 2009 at at 2:04 AM  

17th December, is it? I feel sad. And I want to remember it. K I A.

my sister cleared NET. So that is a good news.I want to remember that as well.

it's about time that we take responsibility of our actions. sorry. its about time that i take responsibility of my actions. and dont feel sorry about it. i want to be anything but sulky. we are all decaying organic matter, remember?

yun hee baras baras kali ghata barase
hum yaar bheeng jaayein
iss chahat ki baarish mein
meri khuli khuli lathon ko suljhaaye
tu apni ungliyon se
main toh hun isshi khwahis mein..

Posted in: on Thursday, December 17, 2009 at at 2:29 AM 1 comments  

“However the City of Boston, played largely by itself, is convincing.”

 

Haha. I love reading reviews of the movies on IMDB by users. It establishes your faith in human intellect and serves as the reality check – you know like..There are people smarter and funnier than you are.

 

So, this particular quoted line was written in one of the many reviews for ‘The Departed’. I am a fan of the movie btw. But, then I read these reviews. And my faith in my own intellect is volatile and I now know for sure that the movie would not be as great as I had taken it for in my first viewing.

 

So there are few things that I must write about.

 

So few weeks back, Chaure visited me. We were four friends together and we went to the pizza hut to obviously eat pizzas. So there was this waitress (for lack of a better word) who attended to us. She took our orders with a smile, came after some time after taking our orders to inform us that it would take ten more minutes. I think she served us as well. Anyway, the point is that she took good care of us. And when she came to give us the bill, we found hand-written ‘it was a pleasure! J’ on it. We said that ‘apna number nahi diya yaar’ and laughed. Chaure brought it to our notice that the girl was standing just behind us and we should watch our mouths. Anyway, so we tipped her 50 bucks (we should have given her 100!) and returned while she held the door open again with a smile. Pizza huut girl - whoever you are – I just want to tell you that we all love you from bottom of our hearts. You made our day!

 

That was like four week before btw! And I wanted to write it. and now its written.

 

So we went and watched Tum Mile. I had always wanted to watch Imran ‘Chummi Singh’ Hashmi’s movies. And so I watached Tum Mile. I was so depressed watching the movie that I took the oath of not watching any movies in theatre any more. I think I am generally pissed at the artificialness of the whole ‘shit-but-pretending-to-be-more’ movies. More over, I think I am generally pissed for not being able to enjoy mediocre movies. When I watched ‘Kidnap’ by paying 315 bucks, I at least enjoyed watching seeing Mannisha Lamba and whatever she was willing to show on screen. I could not do that here even when I had more of the opportunity here with Soha Ali Khan. This movie actually made me realize the implication of freedom of expression and the necessity to monitor its exploitation. You produce something and its there to stay. Its not good enough to have faith in people’s ability to judge whats appropriate for them. You produce shit and its going to stink.

 

Anyway, I did watch Kurbaan and actually liked it. Good job overall.

 

Anyway, so I have become very quotable lately. At least in my own opinion. ‘Life, at least in short term, is not fair’. Earlier, it was just ‘Life is not fair’.

 

Me and my friend were once standing outside of the office and it started raining in the full sunshine. He said he wanted to see ‘money’ fall down from sky. I said ‘water is most easily the most valuable thing in earth’. Seriously. Most important things in life are often free. And just so we are not very bored by the predictability of the blog here is a quote from Fight Club.

 

Tyler Durden: “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in: on Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at at 2:59 PM 2 comments  

it was long back. i think i know why i remembered it. anyway reason is not important. whats important is whats followed. as usual we were browsing through channel - which is what always happens if we are not watching matches, we dont watch TV.. we browse it. So we stopped and started watching this movie. i cant remember the name of it. but it was unique and creative and totally realistic. where do we see such movies?! so about the plot. a tv channel comes with a unique idea of making a reality show where a boy and girl were to fall in love. and in case they actually fall in love, the channel will offer then a crore on the condition that they will not see each other again. and hence testing the value of love. i said earlier..it was way too much realistic.

however i am not going to go too deep. there is not enuf depth in the plot to go deep in anyway.

so the hero in the movie is more of a boy. he goes to rent a movie CD with his friend, gets an english adult movie, collides with the father of the heroine, hears some lecture on the movie - how they should watch old hindi movies with a message - and as prank, exchanges his adult movie's CD with the old hindi movie CD that heroine ka baap had rented.

yeah. funny. right. so the father of heroine sits with his family to enjoy his old hindi movie.

why am i telling you all this??? because for a macro second we get to see the TV on which the movie is played. and BANG! we knew it was Poison Ivy - The New Seduction. Such is our knowledge of adult movies. we were quite impressed by it.

i wanted to write so many other things. but the crap above has taken much of my time and space of this post.

i will anyway write about my findings on beginner's luck. which i have come to know after playing poker. i think the conventional wisdom can be explained most of the time. as in this case, the beginners are new to the system, new to the rules. they go more on their instinct. their vision less blurred by the process established to reach the goal. and hence the success. and that is why it is never advised that you get an MBA if you want to do big in your life. i dont want to do big in my life. i think i will get an MBA.

i also wanted to write about some jokes that are not funny. and it could be vital to know the difference.

Posted in: on Monday, November 2, 2009 at at 4:44 PM 3 comments  

did you notice that 'if' is the middle word in life?

well i had not. only if.

so i finally finished catcher in the rye. if you want to know more about a person you read his favourite book. you want to know more about yourself, you re-read your favourite book.

kuch jyada hee originality ho gayee.

so one of my friends from iit is here on his RA ship assignment. i used to hate these guys who would leave their jobs for higher studies. makes you feel that they have some plan. anyway, so i went with him to forum and he told me that he is going to meet a childhood female friend. so one thing that i will remember and may be they will remember as well is that i went twice to take a leak.

anyway, that was not what i wanted to write about. so this friend of mine went to rest room as well and i was left with her. i asked her if she wanted something to eat. she said no. she asked if i was a very close friend of my friend. and that had me thinking for some time. but i finally came with the best answer. i told her that we actually had a very close common friend.

in other news i am going home this diwali. i had booked my train tickets and i was to leave bangalore on tuesday. you see we have only one weekly train that runs on tuesday. but when i applied for leave i took leave from monday onwards thinking that may be i will book another train that runs on saturday. i will go till nagpur may be and then take a train onwaards to raipur.

and i was pretty tensed about it. so much damn planning. and i thot abt it the whole night. and then i said WTF!!! i booked flight tickets to raipur the next day. i will be home on saturday itself now.

on a side note, i just want to thank wives of my friends for packing my lunch along with their husbands'. i get a hard time getting used to the word 'bhabhi'.

Posted in: on Sunday, October 4, 2009 at at 2:42 AM 3 comments  

i know. i was away and you missed me.

you might get the impression that i am talking to this damn (how insensitive!) blog but no, i am talking to you.

so what's up with me? as i said i am on the path of re discovering myself. literally.

i have grown. i wish i had grown in height though. or around my biceps. i am not funny at all.

now i know that i am not trying for CAT for at least two years. and i know that i have to work in the field that i am working in. i will occasionally miss chemical (which kind of sound like alchemy..oh and i have watched The Alchemist btw..) engineering but i don't think i will blame myself for not doing anything. its mostly because i started playing spider solitaire. and it hit me. you really dont have to come with the best options. all you need to have is a OK option taken well within time. it is good enough plan to live the life. i am sure there will be a time when i would know for sure my best option and tht would be that. i did not sound intelligent at all. but thats ok. i will have my time.

so i basically want to right things that i think are original. among a lot of BS ofcourse. so that its originality is well appreciated. so i was laying down in my attempt to get some sleep, and i heard 'dil cheez hai kya.. aap meri jaan lijiye' and it hit me again. it was so damn perfect. like tea at the right temperature. so i am making a list of 'perfect' encounters i have had so far. TEA and SONG. thts two in the list.

and i have tried taking initiatives. hehe. corny!!

yeah, so i have made it a point now that i do things that i have always wanted to. you can send emails (from outlook) using excel. did you know that? even when you do know how it can be done, do you know how to override the security warning. i really dont give much damn, if you understand me?? do i?

i will be good.

Posted in: on Friday, September 25, 2009 at at 10:58 PM 2 comments  

i feel i have matured. just now i took an IQ test to prove once and all that i was a genius. it turned out that i was only above average. but i can always question the validity of the test conducted. but it was a good test. it was a test that i am sure you are aware of. they will show eight pictures with place of ninth picture blank. you will be given some 6 options and you will have to pick the one that fits in overall schema.

yes. it was a good test. it got me thinking. intelligence is basically about identifying patterns. learning, is the other name for it, is it??!

yes. so i think one sure sign of getting matured is to be able to pick right options in your life. being able to identify the patterns.

and getting matured is more about taking your job seriously. taking your own decisions. and getting the priorities right basically.

and being able to understand the meaning of phrases or incidences that you never gave second thoughts to. i have always found 'lost in translation' a fascinating phrase. you speak something and then if it is said again, we have lost something in between. but what exactly is 'translation'?? you feel something, then you express it. isnt that a translation of some sort. so if we assume that there is always something lost while we translate, we have never expressed ourselves completely, have we? so what can we do? either, we can give up respecting the futility of each attempt - in order to keep the 'feeling' safe, unadulterated; or we keep trying unless we come very close to expressing what we knew we felt.

Posted in: on Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at at 7:14 PM 3 comments  

dhen te nan!

you know how people list down the things they want to do before they turn 30?!

we went and watched kaminey today. swine flu. shit.

i have a major communication problem. and its worse that i have acknowledged it.

but i think i know where the problem is. i assume. i stop in between thinking that the next person has understood what i was about to speak. i also tend to interrupt the speaker assuming that i have understood what they wanted to say.

and it is quite visible in this blog as well. i am not bothered at all if the readers understand a bit about what i am writing. but here at least i can pretend that i dont give a damn.

anyway. i havw finally figured the first item in my to-do list before i die. i want to shout 'bharat mata ki jay' right after the national anthem is played in a movie theatre.

Posted in: on Sunday, August 16, 2009 at at 1:36 AM 3 comments  

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We have a cook who is pretty decent. He wants me to give him an online presence.
Please contact him if you are looking for a cook in bangalore.

Name - Kishan
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I will type in keywords that will attract people to this page -
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Posted in: on Thursday, July 30, 2009 at at 8:35 PM 5 comments  

I want to write something funny. But after becoming 24 I don’t feel that need to impress the crowd. But I still want to write something funny. Gotta remind myself.

 

I am sure if I had not written the above line and just gone ahead with whatever funny – crap I had, it would have been nice. But then I like starting from the start. I used to read prefaces of my text books. Who does that?!

 

We take things for so bloody granted. And it turns out that we do quite ok with all the assumptions and ignorance. What were the chances that I would know you – but I do. And aren’t you just happy that you know a wonderful and brilliant personality like me?! I don’t like quoting someone. I would rather forge it as something my own. But still our VP once - in one of those sessions which are supposed to prove the authority - quite casually said that life is a truth table. So many things have to go right to have a job successfully completed. And I liked that.

 

And what the fuck are our priorities??! Seriously. Most useless things occupy our minds for most of the times. Yes, I am talking on everyone’s behalf. Our happiness is so much dependent on others. Our existence needs validation. We are so confused. Experimenting in our urge to discover ourselves. And that sounds ok. Right! But what exactly is ours? what is something that makes us happy. And it will make you happy whenever you see it. It can be taken away from you. But you will still feel happy thinking about it. Yes – now I will give examples like – solving a really tough physics problem or the thought of having a smoke with a friend in staff canteen – and people will think of the anticlimax and how I could not justify the build up.

 

Boy1! I am on a roll!

 

 

 

 

Posted in: on Monday, July 20, 2009 at at 10:32 PM 0 comments  

Why is starting a post so difficult?

 

I was thinking about the nature of anonymous comments. Don’t you just love them?! I used to be an anonymous commentator when I believed that commenting on someone’s space for publicity was sin. And that was the case for more than a year or two. Anyway, the point is that anonymous comments are fun. They are witty. Seriously. I remember that when I used to be an anonymous, I was funny. It was like a responsibility I had to keep the reputation of the prestigious group up and high. And you don’t have to be bothered about the limitations on the word you put in a comment. Being anonymous sets you free. I miss being anonymous. So if you are a blogger you should never ban anonymous comment. There will be shit, dirt and mud but hopefully you will get to see one comment that will make up for everything.

 

And I want to talk about shamita shetty. I love her in the song – you are my mind blowing mahiya. I also like the video of the remixed version of – woh lamhe, who baatein. I love the way different people dance at different places. Don’t you just love seeing people dance. You wish you could dance like you don’t care. Oh you do dance like no ones watching?? Its just me then. (yaa, its an inside joke that I share with myself)

 

I also like Jason bourne. The man is reliable. You know that nothing is going to hurt him. And I loved bourne ultimatum. I also love watching same movies again and again. I am using love so many times that it makes me uncomfortable. Man should use these ambiguous and impractical references to score (some runs). So I just watched this movie again. And I thought that being an assassin on run should be fun. There was this particular scene where bourne comes to see off nikki parson after she has got herself in trouble for helping him – they say nothing. They just look in each others eye for half a second and she leaves. And this time round when I watched this movie, I thot – wow! That’s some scene.

 

And so I have said this before that my short term memory is quite bad. But a friend told me accidently that my long term memory was good and I want to believe that. And I am ignorant – I have said that before. May be when I grow old and successful I will tell people that thing didn’t catch my attention pretty easily. And talking of things – I am a lausy user of my eyes. Its like I am committing blasphemy by not observing the beauty that has so many times inspired the poets and sent strong man with weak will power to jail. Yeah, I was trying to be funny there. But I don’t usually stare at the fairer sex. May be it comes from my own self low esteem. Yeah, why am I still hitting myself?

 

So, bourne is my hero. Reliability. I also liked howard roarks character. Uncomproming. What is the one word that defines me? And I actually thought about it. As always such questions are better left unanswered. But I know I am one of the good guys. And I hope to be one of them. And I know that there is a high chance that I will change for worse because we live in a world that works on supply and demand and nothing is absolute.

 

So we went to watch shortKUT the other night. It was a horrible movie as expected. The strange thing is tht even I dint like it. So we sat there for two hours and one of the friends suggests that we leave in middle. I said tht its against the law. Few minutes later two girl sitting some five seats left to us in the row next to us leave. I am sure they heard our conversation and it enlightened upon their poor souls that they don’t have to go through the torture. They are not tied to their chairs and they can actually leave theatre. The joy that must have come with that feeling! Don’t you just love it?

 

So another close friend got married. The responsibility that comes with it. Great ho. But they are still my friends and I can always go uninvited and have some free lunch.

 

And I took some training on SAS macros as well. Don’t you just love it – wen you can actually pretend confidently that you know your shit?!

Posted in: on Thursday, July 16, 2009 at at 12:46 PM 2 comments  

We will we will rock you.

 

I am waiting for that rare moment when I get truly impressed by my own genius. But as you get older you get lesser chances of doing that. But then again, as you get older your expectations are properly set. They suddenly become reasonable. And you don’t really need that rare moment to keep you up and going. I am full of shit.

 

I am working on something that I have come to believe that I will never be able to complete. But never say never. Right after finishing this, I am going to finish that as well.

 

I have always believed that I don’t like changes. At least the changes that you are fully aware of. The changes that require you to prepare, to adjust. But we always wait for the event that will turn our world upside down. Make us feel the extreme. Talking of extreme.. ‘extreme maal’ is a word that I am proud to have invented. Still looking for the ‘extreme maal’.

 

And I have to write this. I should know that I am putting in effort to write this.

 

So this time around, one fine night while I was at my office, I had my dinner and then I went for a smoke. It was a Friday and everyone from the team had left. And as you know when you are alone you tend to asses the life you have had. The life you are leading. And its definitely not one of the things that make you proud. You start thinking how you ended up like this. You were much better. And when you have so much going on in your head, a smoke is what you desire.

 

And I finished my smoke. And made my way back to the office. And bang. A literal bang. Damn glass doors! And for a second everything was blank and I could see the mess inside my head coming out of it.

 

Sometimes you need the bang.

 

I hate writing one liners to end the posts.

Posted in: on Thursday, July 9, 2009 at at 5:41 PM 0 comments  

Have you ever broken your laptop screen? A laptop screen with cracks running thru it like a mirror hit by a bullet is not a good sight. But still I can say that this is few of the things that I have done that are not normally done by people.

 

Like any good careful boy I too hold the upper part of the screen whenever I want to move my laptop. And then I coughed and pressure built below my thumbs was strong enough to crack it. Suddenly you feel so strong. Then I had to work on a desktop right under the impact of strong AC for next five hours. And its not complicated. I was actually thinking about bunking office for another day when I thought that going to office and discussing coolie number 1 with colleagues would be better for my health. And when my laptop was broken I could not go home and work from there. For a second I was clueless. And them post disaster analysis, may I say unwanted, took place in my mind. Earlier I thought that I shouldn’t have decided to move from the place where I was sitting. Then I thought I sudnt have come to the office today. And then I thought that how my getting born was a big mistake altogether.

 

But broken laptop screens are not that bad anyway. You can always write a post on them.

 

And talking about coolie number one.

 

Govinda – Haan. Singapore mein hamaare paanch crore ke project ka kya hua?

Sadashiv amrapurkar – Uske liye aapke Singapore ke prime minister se baat karni padegi.

Govinda – haan toh Singapore wapas jaate hee meeting fix karo.

 

And all this is being over-heard by kadar khan and shakti kapoor.

Govinda – mujhe is seth kee beti se pyar ho gaya hai.  Aur mujhe isse shadi karni hai.

Sadashiv amrapurkar – par kunwar, in mamooli logo se apna rishta jodne se maharaja naraj ho jaayenge.

Govinda – hamein kuch nahi pata.

Sadashiv amrapurkar – par yeh bahut maamooli log hain.

 

Shakti kapoor comes in with kadar khan.

Shakti kappor – kya mamooli-mamooli laga rakha hai. Inke (kadar khan) ke pass yahan 100 acre zameen hai!

Sadashiv amrapurkar – inke pass (govinda) Singapore mein 101 acres ka sirf ekk bathroom hai.

 

Heheh. isn’t that genius.

 

And I have finally shifted to a new flat. With some friends. The earlier place that I lived in (alone) was such a crappy place. I cant believe I spent 6??, 7?? whatever number of months there. And I hope to cook sometime now. Good. And the day we moved in (on previous Saturday) we were told that our house was getting painted. Shit! We said. And we were asked to live in another flat temporarily till our flat was ready. And so we moved in finally on Monday. And all our stuff is still unpacked. And so we wonder if things could take place just normally for some time. Normal is so rare nowadays.

 

 

 

 

Posted in: on Wednesday, June 24, 2009 at at 12:13 PM 0 comments  

CO2 is not a pollutant.

well, that was something that i know. and i hope you know that too.

and i always write that i have wanted to write so many things. and when i finally get down to writing things down, i dont feel the need of mentioning them.

so for past few days. i feel like i have been living in hell. i have got this feeling that i am gonna be eternally ill.

like everyone i want to feel happy. and i have felt happy. and i have felt happy in past few days. but i am talking about the kind of happiness you get when you solve a tough math problem. or the kind of happiness you get when you get the perfect lunch.

and like all cynics, i dont see optimists as living a life of lies. i admire them. on second thots, i think all cynics admire optimists.

and i am not even sure if i am a cynic. i think i just think that it would be kool to be a cynic and wait for the world to come to an abrupt end.

i think i am trying hard.

Posted in: on Saturday, June 13, 2009 at at 12:15 AM 0 comments  

All this time I have wanted to write so much.

day before yesterday i talked with chepta. and its such a pleasure talking to him. and right before, i had ordered one plate roti, which means two roties. i asked the man at counter if it was possible to get just one roti. he said no.

anyway, i took both the roties. and the biggest advantage of talking with chepta was that i was able to eat both of roties while talking with him.

anyway. why am i writing this post. that sometimes you have got to acknowledge that how lucky you are to have known few people. and then you suddenly come to realize that these are the only few that you will have for the rest of life.

anyway, i sud not try to be too philosophical.

so, he has got a new job. hopefully a job that he deserves.

and his interviews went well. and i knew that. he is such a good story teller. i mean he will make sure that you know and understand everything that he wanted to tell you.

ok i am not the guy who starts praising someone out of the blue and stops after 10 lines. i will write at least 100.

i read his testimonial on orkut. and cudnt agree more with it. he is the best you have got if you ever want to book a ticket. thanks man for all the tickets you have booked for me. shit man. now i am starting to get that feeling that you get when you start talking about someone who is too big for your own vocabulary and you fear that you have disappointed everyone and it would have been a lot better if you had just said that 'he is great'. but i will write more.

he has got the purest of hearts. and i am just not saying that. may be he is the one who has helped me understand that hearts could be pure at different levels and what can possibly define 'purest'.

and i also have my own analysis on why he doesnt have a girlfriend. unlike us 'losers', he is a real loser. he has had multiple shots at having girlfriends, but the loser lost the opportunities intentionally. fear of commitment, may be. how can you be so sure? and that is one question, i dont think many people ask right? most probably, like the idiots even he thinks that the first person he accepts as his girlfriend will be the final one. And seriously, wouldnt that girl be lucky? to be with someone who gives some crap. anyway, i think he is too scared to be involved with someone, most probably because he knows that his family has already got plans for him.

way to go donst!

Posted in: on Sunday, May 31, 2009 at at 8:33 PM 2 comments  

the one thing that you don't want to happen when you live alone in a lousy little 1BHK house is fall sick.

eating is the biggest problem. seriously. and its not particular to the sick-time. generally. why do i have to go and eat my lunch and dinner in same lousy place everyday???!

i am sick of everything. tired. of everything.

And getting an auto is as challenging as everyday. and i am sick of that as well.

speaking of autowallahs, here is a perfect example of stereotypes -
"saare autowale saale mad****** hote hain."

But there are facts as well -
"saare bangalore ke autowale saale mad****** hote hain."

i hate using *s in my posts. god make me more strong next time.

and i know that i sud have been smarter and put these example at the very last. no.
but i want to write more.

the only saving grace is fakeiplplayer's blog. i wont comment on the content of the blog as i find it quite ordinary and i can write funnier posts anyday. but seriously. i had a gala time going through the comments. each one of them using such nice words. aah. it was a treat. and i know that deep inside you want to go thru the experience. go right ahead. you deserve to be happy.

and talking about happiness. how many times have you said that you are happy?? and how many times have you continued to feel happy after realising that you are happy?? i know. a killer question. blessed are those who dont know that they are happy.

and all my life i have believed that people are generally idiots in an unacknowledged way. but now i think that life is such a great teacher that all idiots are here by choice. ok take a moment here - go back to the previous statement - and admire it.

ok, now if you have somehow managed to comeout of the infinite loop then you are surely too smart, huh???

its 9:30. the time to go out and eat. shit man. i hate my life. and i am thinking about deleting the last line already. but then the "now" last line will not make sense. CRAP!

Posted in: on Saturday, May 23, 2009 at at 9:02 PM 0 comments  

anyone could be an asshole. what makes me different is that i can afford being one.

i would like to say that. once.

anyway, i am thinking alot about becoming a full time writer. i am quite impressed by my writings, you see. just wanted to write it here because after about 10 years when i vaguely recall my incomplete life, my aspirations long lost, my choices so wrongly made - i would like to remind myself that i did want to do something. and maybe then, i will quit my job, go to kerala backwaters alone, take the family to vaishnav devi and start over my life again.

yeah. i think i am an idealist. and i pretend to be cynical. first time i read about communism, i found it fascinating. but then it failed. and when i read about the reasons why it failed, i was convinced that it could never have worked. And sometimes i feel how little i know about my country. and then i feel like reading it all and may be appearing for IAS.

anyway, i think i have lost something. i am not writing those random posts anymore which started from "so" and ended at "gotta pee". sad. its like if i dont have anything to write about i would not say that out loud. i would just go away.

Posted in: on Sunday, May 10, 2009 at at 10:36 PM 0 comments  

mere dil ki suno duniya walon.
yaa mujhko abhi chup rahne doh.
main gam ko khusi kaise kah dun.
joh kahte hain unko kahne doh.

this is the song that i sang when i heard the news that i was promoted. yeah. i am promoted.

anyway, you work hard. you invest your soul and mind. and i am not talking about office- office. i am talking about life in general. you want to be just. most of the time you manage to be just. you try not to complain. you come to know that life is not fair. and there are shortcuts. but still you want to be the guy who doesnt bend or compromise. (who is this "you" guy, btw??!)

but then you give in. you give in to the temptation of being the object of sympathy. being the guy that has been wronged. seeking recognition of the wonderful you who never complained.

hehe. but that shows weakness. and you are not weak. and you dont want to come out as weak! so you push yourself. and you feel good.

but then again, you are not alone in world. you see others doing better than you. and you clearly see the reasons why they are doing better than you. 'that's unfair' you say. first to yourself. than you try hard not to say that to anyone else.

but telling yourself that 'that's unfair' shows weakness too. but 'that's SO bloody unfair!' you say again anyway. hoping that this will be the last time.

and it continues. the only end that you see, is death. and you wait for it eagerly. but that is 'giving in' again. its not just about death anymore. its you against the world. you like the competition.

the only way out is to concur it. you want to be powerful now. but power comes with a price. you know it. and you feel good that whether others failed to wield the sword of power without compromising, you will come out just fine. uncorrupted and uncompromising as ever. but then the world does not give the best deal to the most deserving candidate. 'why not?!' you ask. you think you can change the rules of the game. once you have the power, that is. so you start playing the game by its rule. and that keeps you busy. you like it.

but you dont want to lose the perspective. you keep reminding yourself that this is a game. and your mission is to change the rules.

and you play it. only to realise that the world is big. and you are not a superman. 'why not?!' you say again. you say that you can be the superman. and you persist.

you definitely witness early successes. beginners luck?! no, not in your case. as you climb up the ladder, you see yourself surrounded by people, who are seeking the same thing. only that they are not 'you'. you know that you are better than them. you wonder if all of them are actually like you. wronged by this unjust world! you get disgusted by this feeling of weakness- being sympathetic to the enemy. you can not leave this to chance. the most powerful man has to be you. only you can resist the corruption that power induces on human nature.

you come to think of this as a vicious cycle. you realise that you were not the only one who took it to himself the responsibility of making this world a better place. you first get disgusted by looking at the fellow miserable man who thought that he could change the world. you wonder if that fellow miserable man thinks the same about you.

then you also realise that this is not the only time that someone has tried to concur the world. you look at the people who are more powerful than you are. you rate them as you go along.you smartly drop out those you are there just by chance.

when you started you had a clear goal. you wanted to be most powerful. now you start wondering if there is one in this world. every time you locate one, there is always some one else challenging his authority.

well, its a good game.

Posted in: on Friday, May 1, 2009 at at 12:51 PM 2 comments  

The joy of writing a post is thrilling - Well, at least till you realise that even if it was mainly frustration that lead to blogging, it was nothing but the joy for those few minutes when you sat down and wrote your tragic story.

somehow, i was led to one of my earlier posts. and it is such a refreshing feeling to read the nonsense. and i notice that over a period of time, we mainly feel joy looking back. doesnt matter how much crappy we felt back then.

Ok.before i get to any further i will have to do this.

I am trying to look sophistcated here.

ok, now that its out of the way, i can write further.

i am typing this on outlook message box. i dont see any red lines. spell check seems to be not working. how do i spell further? is it furthur?? BTW, electricity is off right now. I have lit a candle and placed it up behind me so that i am able to see typing keys.

for a change i want to write a sub normal post.

i wanted to write a post on my discovery on what is called 'strong sense of duty'. obviously i dont want to write that now. it would be too sophisticated and suffocative,

BTW i watched Gilchrist bat today. Once i asked a friend that who would be his choice for a batman (why do they have to call them batsman?) if one needed a six off the last delivery. I obviously had Gilchrist in mind. And he said Gilchrist. And that is how you come to know when you have found that special someone and become gay.

And today, it was a lovely weather in Bangalore. i thot that if there was any good time to smooch a random stranger, it was this.

Posted in: on Wednesday, April 22, 2009 at at 10:48 PM 3 comments  

there are so many things that i have thought over so many years and months and have wanted to share with you because i thought they were profound but then did not because realized that it was pathetic.

the above sentence is not supposed to make much sense.

in fact the posts are never supposed to make any sense.

but at times i like to make sense.

and that is where it kind of becomes unbearable.

one of our clients' last name is love. and wenever i get an email from her. i sing 'o my love..my love..you are my love'.

Posted in: on Friday, April 17, 2009 at at 11:38 PM 3 comments  

No I didn't trust him
But he rushed me to feel
Tried me, mesmerized me
With his all sex appeal

Told me everything
That I was longing to hear
Shining and handsome
My souvenir

And then all of sudden
I have fallen in love

He would put me down
But I'd still place him above

Tired of searching for the love
That still lives in him
Given my everything
Like a souvenir

Given up my heart
In the name of the memory
Fallen down like rain
He could feel every drop
Now I know I have
Have the courage to tell him
Tell him to stop!stop!stop!

I've become invisible
I melt away at night
Dreams for once so colorful
Become black and white
Loving once so wonderful
Is no longer here
So I'll keep this feeling
Like a souvenir

Given up my heart
In the name of the memory
Fallen down like rain
He could feel every drop
Now I know I have
Have the courage to tell him
Tell him to stop!stop!stop!

Posted in: on at at 12:59 AM 3 comments  

this is one of the posts meant to prove the point that you dont care if you dont get any comments.

yeah. its that simple. if you want me to see post more frequently, all u have to do is not comment. which in english will translate to that you have to do nothing.

i sometimes amaze myself with my genius. i hope i have used that phrase before. i sometimes amaze myself with my stupidity as well. even it has been iterated and re iterated and re re iterated.

behind every great fortune, there is a crime. i had read this on the opening page of the godfather. so when we were discussing our plan of becoming billionaires, i told my friend that we will have to get into some sort of criminal activity to be able to have so much money. he said - i am not looking for a great fortune.

i also remember that we had this interactive session on packaged goods. and we discussed what are packaged goods. all sorts of definition filled the little training room. they said that tv could be packaged. they say that the good should be fast moving and consumable. anyway, i obviously liked my definition best. i said that the big CPG (ie consumer packaged goods, and i earlier thot was american for FMCG) firms define CPG products for us.

the whole point that i am trying so hard to make here is i am real studd.

and when i was a kid, i actually thot that when water evaporates it disintegrates into oxygen and hydrogen. wasnt that genius??

and i actually thot hard and figured out why is west Bengal called west bengal when it is situated in east. wasnt that genius??!

ok. time to sleep, genius.

Posted in: on Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at at 1:09 AM 10 comments  

you know that feeling of guilt that kept you away from your work, the result of not having started the work yet, the acknowledgment of the problem, but unwillingness to tread the path of solution.

i know it doesnt make sense (to you). i was about to write that i dont care if you dont get it. but then it will be obvious that i do. isn't it already.

anyway, it is suppossed to be a smart post. so best of luck. to you.

you know what? i can actually go up and re write what i have already written and you would have never read an article which made more sense to you. but if i did that you wouldnt be able to appreciate the level of genius that it took to transform the crap that we have right now to ..what was it.."a piece of art".

so you are most probably thinking that u will re-write first para again and you will actually compare and judge me. but i have already boasted so much that i can not take the risk of actually re-writing it. "plus i am very bored."

that's a a lot of crap.

anyway, i need to get detached from my blog. i need to get detached from my job as well. i need to get my priorities right.

so a girl is with a boy. she orders a coffee. he lights a cigarette. they dont talk. they are not thinking about anything else. they are not thinking about anything.

girl decides. test time.

"i miss it!"
"ok." he smelled something funny.
"i miss the naughtiness. i miss the stupid things. i miss the freshness. dont you think our love has become way sophisticated lately?"
"No."

their eyes smile. did the boy pass the test? sort of.

but there will be better, more interesting situations when they choose to fail purposely. just to see how the other reacts.

Posted in: on Monday, April 6, 2009 at at 12:47 AM 2 comments  

i find starting a post very difficult. specifically at the times when i dont have any pre planned material to talk about, which is always the case.

i am reading curious incident of dead dog in night time for few days now. it is such a small book, i am amazed that i have not complete it yet.

this book is little different from other books that i have been reading for last one year. i dont know its what but i have taken a keen interest in clasic literature. i have read wuthering heights, three muskeeteers, fountain head. i could not complete great expectations.

for me book reading is far more mechanical. if i start it i will complete it. doesnt matter how bad or good the book is. i think it comes from my lack of interest in being opinionated.

and for a change i dont want this blog to sound like meri dukh bhari kahani. i want it to be a refrenced article on blogging psychology.

so there is a part of us which always wants to get recognition. for example, i want to show the world that i dont care that i am an idiot or self confessed genious or an ass or something. the idea is that people will appreciate my honesty. but at the same time, i will write that people will judge me and i still dont care. which shows that you seriously dont care. but do u?

i hope i could write more. its been days tht i wrote a post.

Posted in: on Tuesday, March 31, 2009 at at 11:54 PM 4 comments  

Pedon ki shakhon pe soyee soyee chandani
Tere khayalon mein khoyee khoyee chandani
Bus thodi der mein thak ke laut jaayegi
Raat ye bahaar ki phir kabhi naa aayegi
Do-ek pal aur hai yeh samaa
Sun jaa dil ki daastaan.

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

Posted in: on Saturday, March 28, 2009 at at 12:28 AM 2 comments  

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