Assume that it rained when god pissed from heaven. So what do you think god must be doing when it’s snowing?

Posted in: on Monday, May 26, 2008 at at 7:37 PM 6 comments  

Particulates, basically charred carbon particles, visible by naked eyes are one of the many components in gases that pollute air. Did you know that?  I hope you did. But did you know that they helped in process of raining as well? I hope you didn’t. Because in this post I am gonna tell each one of you exactly that. So these particulates go up in atmosphere and they get suspended after reaching a certain height. How they get suspended, you ask. Because as you go up the density of air decreases and at one point their weight is exactly balanced by the air surrounding it. Anyway, particulates help in the process of raining by acting as platforms for what is called nucleation. The vapors start condensing on these particulates and make a big enough drop that is heavy enough to drop. Anyway, that is not the end of story.

 

If we have a significant increase in the concentration of these particulates in atmosphere then fixed amount of water vapors will have many particulates to condense on and that can actually result in formation of small water droplets that wouldn’t be heavy enough to fall down. And they will just suspend there. And we won’t get rains. Interesting, no?

 

 

Posted in: on Wednesday, May 21, 2008 at at 11:39 PM 3 comments  

 

Harry: You know you just get to a certain point where you get tired of the whole thing.

Sally: What "whole thing"?

Harry: The whole life-of-a-single-guy thing. You meet someone, you have the safe lunch, you decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner. You go dancing, you do the white-man's over-bite, go back to her place, you have sex and the minute you're finished you know what goes through your mind? How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home. Is thirty seconds enough?

Sally: That's what you're thinking? Is that true?

Harry: Sure! All men think that. How long do you want to be held afterwards? All night, right? See there's your problem, somewhere between thirty seconds and all night is your problem.

Sally: I don't have a problem!

Harry: Yeah you do.

 

            _______________________

 

Harry: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.

Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry: When did I say that?

Sally: On the ride to New York.

Harry: No, no, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

 

Posted in: on Friday, May 9, 2008 at at 7:46 PM 2 comments  

So I think. If I am really stupid or I feel this shittedness because I am too intelligent. On my ‘supposedly’ one-on-one with my manager I was told that I have this great ability of being able to find mistakes in things. And also, (they told me) that I have got great potential and I am gonna go places. Now I am not sure if they say such things to every guy that they don’t give any raise to.  And just now I realized that may be he was true afterall. May be this error-finding ‘great’ ability of mine is the reason I feel stupid everytime. Self-analysis will either kill me one day or make me a billionaire. Its not like I will either succeed or fail so the chances are 50-50. Odds are important here. If  there were say 100 satish’s (plural for Satish) living in 100 parallel universes with exactly the same life as I have had till date (each one of them writing this blog on outlook and thinking whether the other 99 are thinking about him or not!), there will be only 1 (or 2, may be) satish who will live to spend his filthy sum of money on dog races and hostile takeovers (and on Russian whores, may be) and all others will die a death ranging from the death of a stray dog - who got hit by an auto accidentally – and that of a dog who chose death over life and purposely got onto the way of an unbreakable BMW.

 

And so I think. That how people become so important in one’s life. And how we think that life stinks everyday. And how really unimportant each one of us are. And how really really unimportant our problems must be. And still.. I think.

 

There are thousand things wrong with me. And yet I find it hard to find a single thing worthwhile in me. May be I should get the job of assistant trouble-shooter who wud obviously ‘assist’ his master in finding problems with the system.

 

And I am really not convinced myself if I am really gud at it. I am a lousy judge of men. Most of the times I don’t find it important to judge people. Most of the times I will give people more than ten chances of winning my admiration. Most of the times I will like to believe that I haven’t yet seen the best of that son of a bitch. Most of the time..

 

And for the people who believe that judging people is B-A-D-bad, I won’t say anything. With age, poise will come.

 

And have you heard of Macroman??! He is the most powerful man in the thousand universes. Even more powerful than Superman. But let me first give a brief introduction of macros. Wikipedia says, ‘A macro in computer science is a rule or pattern that specifies how a certain input sequence (often a sequence of characters) should be mapped to an output sequence (also often a sequence of characters) according to a defined procedure. The mapping process which instantiates a macro into a specific output sequence is known as macro expansion.’ I don’t understand a word of it. So two of the main tools extensively used in our work are 1) MS Excel(PPTs, Words bhi include kar lo yaar!) and 2)SAS, ie Statistical Analysis Software. So people who use excel and think that it’s a dumb tool, must perish in ignorance as I find it quite sophisticated and there is always something new that you could learn about it. Anyway, if you ask me, a macro is something that is used to automate lousy processes and thus increase efficiency and accuracy.

 

Macroman is the man who can write macros on any kind. He can write macro to create a nuclear bomb and another macro to change that nuclear bomb to a nuclear reactor. The man is a genious. Macroman is our man.

Posted in: on Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at at 12:47 AM 5 comments  

I will try to have a normal start. Its almost 3 years since my introduction to blogging world. I have survived it a long time. I have thought few times about giving it up altogether. but I don’t want to say ‘never’. And I surely won’t post a farewell post. I will just go away. And hopefully comeback. And that said, its implied that this is surely not the last post. So don’t you try to be too happy!

 

But I would definitely like to leave blogging one day. Somehow I feel that bloggers are basically sad people. I think there are few exceptions and I just hope that I am right. And there is this thing about me. I would leave blogging one fine day, just to be able to come back years later, and write how things have been with me. It will be like meeting an old friend.

 

 

Posted in: on Wednesday, April 23, 2008 at at 10:30 PM 5 comments  

Anything I write here, in fact everything I write here is nonsense. And earlier it used to be adorable nonsense. But now it has become pathetic and stinky nonsense. And now, I don’t even try to be funny. That’s the sad part of it.

 

And lately I dream a lot. And believe me you don’t want to have that kind of dream. All the night, I will have ‘When you come undone’ playing inside my mind and on repeat. And the worst part is that I wake up suddenly and realize that I was actually not sleeping this whole time. Interestingly, I thought I was Neo of Matrix. Anyway, this is another Friday night again. And I am still in office. The one thing that I wanted to do in my life was throw my resignation letter at my bosses face. I had seen it in my dreams: One day I will get frustrated, overworked, exhausted and broke; and then I will quit and feel like a King. AAh, some dreams are not to be..

 

Becoming a billionaire seems to be a difficult proposition right now. And then I see around. And I find lots of people doing pretty well in their lives. Making money should not be this difficult. Seriously. Par phir wahi baat ho jaati hai ki these people could actually be one in a lakh, and given the population of India, there will still be 10000 people. And how many of them are billionaires?? The shit-analysis above is one of the many characteristics of a man who will never succeed.

 

I want to delete this post. But I wont.

 

Posted in: on Friday, April 18, 2008 at at 9:55 PM 3 comments  

Ok. I bought The Prodigal Daughter last nite. I have read it before but I wanted to read it again after I finished reading Kane and Abel. The funny thing is that I didn’t even know that it was a sequel of another book. Angrezi kamjor hone ke bhi apne faayade hote hain, I guess. Anyway, I never thought The Prodigal Daughter to be a great book. But Kane and Abel, I found very fascinating, even when I think it was quite predictable. One thing that I am missing lately is not being able to read consistently.

 

P G Wodehouse. I never thought I would cry reading it. Literally. And not even khusi ke aanshun. Ridiculous Characters. Forced plots. I would have torn the book apart if it was cheap and of my own.

 

What else?? I have to make REVERSE presentation on something. AND the project that I am working on is high VISIBILITY project. AND I watched Scent of a Woman last night on Zee Studio.

 

I want to go home. But I have some work. And I could have finished my work. And gone home. But I haven’t. Ok.

 

 

Posted in: on Thursday, April 17, 2008 at at 11:59 PM 0 comments  

Ok. I bought The Prodigal Daughter last nite. I have read it before but I wanted to read it again after I finished reading Kane and Abel. The funny thing is that I didn’t even know that it was a sequel of another book. Angrezi kamjor hone ke bhi apne faayade hote hain, I guess. Anyway, I never thought The Prodigal Daughter to be a great book. But Kane and Abel, I found very fascinating, even when I think it was quite predictable. One thing that I am missing lately is not being able to read consistently.

 

P G Wodehouse. I never thought I would cry reading it. Literally. And not even khusi ke aanshun. Ridiculous Characters. Forced plots. I would have torn the book apart if it was cheap and of my own.

 

What else?? I have to make REVERSE presentation on something. AND the project that I am working on is high VISIBILITY project. AND I watched Scent of a Woman last night on Zee Studio.

 

I want to go home. But I have some work. And I could have finished my work. And gone home. But I haven’t. Ok.

 

 

Posted in: on at at 11:59 PM 0 comments  

I want to write something incredibly funny. And I don’t want to write I am god. Or I am the stupidest creature in this world.

 

So, late in night, we wanted to have a glass of tea. And Bangalore rocks so we cant find a hotel open after 10:10. And getting milk in night is pain. But we believe we gotta do what we gotta do.

 

At one suttee ki dukan + kinda grocery store -

 

My roomie: Boss, doodh hai kya?

Boss: ‘Eritage’ hai.

My roomie: HAIN?

Boss: ‘Heritage.’

My roomie: doodh hee hai  naa?

Boss: haan. Ten rupees.

 

Hehe. Bakaiti. Aptly used word by my friend. Ab apan log itne bhikari toh nahi lagte yaar ki dus rupaye afford naa kar paayein. Us din raat ko hamne HERITAGE doodh se bani chai pee.

Posted in: on Monday, April 14, 2008 at at 9:22 PM 0 comments  

Friday night. 8:43 PM. And I am sitting in office writing a post. I need to get some life. Anyway, lately Life Sux has become my favourite dialogue once again. Reminds me of my college days wen I was dying to get out of it. Anyway, I definitely had something in mind. Oh. Ok. All this while I though that being disorganized is no big deal. I thought it was rather kool. But now I kind of realize that the way I am disorganized in my life is actually a reflection of how disorganized I am in my thoughts. And everything would have been kool if it wasn’t for the consequences you have to face wen you live in real world.

 

Friday night. 9:03 PM. I am still sitting here.

 

Friday night. 9:09 PM. I am still sitting here.

 

Friday night. 9:28 PM. And I am about to go in 10 minutes.

 

 

Posted in: on Friday, April 11, 2008 at at 9:29 PM 2 comments  

Here by the ocean, waves carry voices from you..

 

So. I wanted to write about this incident. I am not very fond of horror movies. The sad thing is I usually get scared when I watch a horror movie. I have tried different mechanisms to get around the issue, like imagining that everything is happening in front of a camera and all. Anyway, so I watched Exorcism of Emily Rose in one of those gloomy nights, way back, in 2005, I suppose, when the movie was released, in my hostel room. Alone. And I survived. And then I slept. And then I woke up. At 3:00. And I wanted to go pee. And if you have seen the movie, one of its many profound dialogues is ‘At 3 they come.’ Or something. Things get messy in movie as soon as its 3:00 am. In a hostel, technically there is no night. So whenever you get out of your room, you will definitely find someone. I was so scared, I knew I wouldn’t go to bathroom. And so I got up on the bed, and from the window of my room on second floor I pissed.

Posted in: on Wednesday, April 9, 2008 at at 12:54 PM 2 comments  

Yeh hai estyle…

Yeh hai Ssstyle..

Long time no see. And here I was expecting to see some fan mails pleading for mercy and insisting that I write. In this hope I didn’t even tell anyone that I was home (such a lovely phrase!) this holi. Yeah, I went home. And on my way back here, I even dropped into (hehe, my angrezi is a funny language!) Mumbai. Met some friends. And drank vodka with lemonade. So it was gud. Except the fact that life sux. By definition.

So whats the news?? Mere haath hare aur laal ho chuke hain.


So what was it that I wanted to write? I was thinking about writing about myself. And it was after I realize that I sudnt be worried about letting people see the REAl me as everytime I come up with the description of ‘REAL’ me, I find that that’s totally not me to my utter surprise. So one of the many things we can do here is type what we thinks about wishself. (hehe! Too funny!)

Its damn boring. The only thing that worries me nowadays is that I am too introspective and one day I will die. Confused. And as there must be some contradiction, I also think that even if I did figure out everything about life, happiness and universe, I wud be too old(may be on deathbed) to look life from that perspective and live it. So there I go. Or it may be that perspectives will change. Whatever. People tell things not knowing that they are confused and what they do is nothing but plagiarism but they are still confident. And in that sense ignorance is bliss. You go to buy mobile phones without information and then weep for the rest of your life. in that case ignorance is not that blissful.

Anyway. Where was I? Haan. You have seen V for Vendetta and you talk about personal freedom. Okk..forget it.

And, I remember that we often say ‘system hee bekaar hai’. And one particular day I suddenly realized that this is so true. It’s the system that has helped western countries develop. It’s the system that has kept us from moving forward. Seriously. System suxx. System is everything. An efficient system will lead to more amount of work for a given amount of energy. Hehe. Yeah. Kam akal engineer.

What else??

Posted in: on Thursday, March 27, 2008 at at 7:38 PM 9 comments  

Today is a particularly sad day. For ridiculous reasons. Its one of those days when you realize how pathetic you are. For me, its one of those days when I realize that I have been pathetic all these days. In all probability I am not going to discuss those ridiculous reasons. Lets see if I stick to this.

 

And the things that I am doing to escape the reality of this cruel world (sounds funny coming from me, :D, in fact =)), I absolutely rock! Ok back to sadness). Hehhe. Seriously. I am literally laughing (yaa, the way people laugh in jane austen’s novels!). Its funny how things look really funny once you start writing them down.

 

Anyway, its been really long since I have written anything personal I guess. And no, I am not going to write any here. In the obvious attempt to prove my studdness, I have told my friends, including my roommates about this blog. And they don’t read it quite often. As should be expected from any sane person. But then there should be those moments, I guess in their lives, when they think that things can not get any worse, and so they come visit my blog. And I deliver.

 

Seriously yaar. Why don’t I just go ahead and write things? They will appreciate my courage. Right? Aah. Yaa!! *Rolling Eyes*

 

So whats next?? I will write some quotes.

  1. All good men are taken, gay, dead or intelligent. (Believe me it sound VERy funny in my head.)
  2. I am really funny. (what!! I have made bullet points. I got to write some more for the sake of it, right?? So that you appreciate the funniness of the above statement.)
  3. okk. that’s it.
  4. I cant find anything interesting to write now.
  5. okk. but I will continue to write in bullets.
  6. What is love? is a question that has kept many females awake late in night, early in morning and at noon. I will tell you whats love. Its one soul’s recognition of its counterpart in this universe. Sounds perfect right? I got it from ‘the wedding crashers’. Pity you will now find it fake. Plus my earlier plan was to reiterate it whenever any girl asks me to define love for her. Gotta make some more searches in google now I guess.
  7. aur apni studdness ke barare mein kya bataaun main. For last three or four days my status on gtalk was ‘I am a rockstar.’ And just now I changed it to ‘I am not a rockstar and I don’t give autographs.’ Seriously yaar. Itna funny kaun ho sakta hai.???!

 

 

 

 

Posted in: on Wednesday, March 12, 2008 at at 7:36 PM 7 comments  

Today's fortune: A thrilling time is in your immediate future

yupp. thats what it is now, i guess. today is a sunday. and i am in my office. these two sentences can be used to derive a conclusion (that i am in office on a sunday!) and ask - what the duck am i doing in my office on a sunday?

and the horrible memories of the first week of our moving into our 18k apartment comes back to me. they had said - 'store water'. and we had thought they were just kidding. but even then we asked for clarifications - 'kyun sir?? paani ki problem hai kya?'. and they said it was nothing serious. and so we moved in. and water flowing through taps was not a surprise. and then we slept. and then we woke. to a new morning - 'its a new day, its a new start (Aage ka pata nahi)' playing on the backdrop. and then we found out. No water.

abe yaar. seriously. whats wrong with me. i dont feel like completing the tale now. so the crux of the matter is that we survived a whole one week without water. can you believe that?? we will see some aunty's house's fountain spilling truck load of water, hear some aunty's cooker's city(the thing that goes up to relieve pressure with the sound zhhhhhhhoooom. earlier i thot that i didnt know its angrezi name to begin with. but now i remember that i had drawn it on one of my engineering drawing class (jissmein maine fight maarke panji yaa chhakki yaa satti lagaa li thi) so i must have known its name at that point in time.) and think ki - 'vidhata yeh anyaay kyun?? abhi toh hamaari umra bhi itni nahee huyee ki hum apne paapon ka ghadaa bhar paate. log yahan favvare lagaa rahe hain. apne cars wash kar rahe hain. aur hamaare ghar mein hugaa maarne ke liye paani nahi. kyun??'

and we will reach our office at 8 sharp ( on sundays, we could afford to be late) aur sab ke sab baathroom mein. log soch rahe hain. ki kya ho raha hai?? and the feeling that you get when you do something that you usually dont do; the feeling that everyone has stopped working and looking at what you are doing, made it sure that i dont enjoy the half an hour (i know that sounds a lot of time!) inside toilet that is so truly the best half an hour of anyone's day. and dont get your mond overworked. i am only talking about the act of defecating. who else here except me also thinks that grossness is very funny?????? :|

anyway i copy pasted today fortune because testing times have returned. god help us!

Added later: My blog sucks. now, infact, it stinks.

Posted in: on Sunday, March 9, 2008 at at 12:16 PM 3 comments  

Ab main kya bataun ki kitna khush hun main. I have been finally tagged after a long time. i had initially, at very early stage of my blogging life, resolved that i wont take up any tags. and it was kool. And then i waited for someone to tag me. as i said, i had resolved, and i was ready to play the tough cruel guy in ensuring that i wont complete the task even if people cried, immolated or died. (somebody please stop these voices up in my head. they say that now i am trying to hard to sound funny. you have got a tag to do, be humble and thankful, and just do it. SHHHHHHHHHut up!)

ok. so gazal mam has tagged me to 'write down 10 things that i hate about the opposite sex.' well, i dont really think that i hate someone or somebody, (which kind of shows my ignorance i believe, as not hating anybody at all , and mostly being indifferent, shows the lack of being opinionated) being diplomatic, i wud say that here are 10 things that i particularly dont like about gals:

1) Ajanabi gals giggling in front of ajanabi shy guys. Mat hanso yaar. Some colleagues are laughing over coffee, the dabee huyee hansi, where they want to make sure that i dont get the slightest idea that they are laughing (how kind!) and i am thinking ki kahin meri zip toh nahi khuli rah gayee. Only if we cud disappear in thin air, things cud be handled in far more effective ways.

2) Dont smile. Seriously, or at least be discreet. I was reading this novel by Wodehouse, where he describes the moment when apna hero falls in love with apni heroine. they both are traveling together in a train. and then they reach to their destination the next day, very early in the morning. the hero has had a really bad time, because the girl has been rude to him all this while. and then the hero goes to see around if anybody has come to pick them up. and in the mean time the girl thinks. she is not feeling well because she has been rude to him. and she decides to make some allowance and SMILES as she sees him coming back. and that was the moment when our confused hero realises that he has fallen in love.seriously yaar,(now its me directly talking to young, haaatt, careless gals), you guys have no idea what a smile can do to young, single, desperate guys. its a deadly weapon. and as they say, with power comes the responsibility. Anyway, the novel is 'Something Fresh' and you have got to read it. Best novel ever written.

3) Umm. Well women do seem complicated. Most of the time, while we try to impress them, obviously by speaking what they want to hear from us, we find that they find us fake. And its not only that. They will push us until we accept that we were indeed faking. Uhh. well, trying hard is not required. but let us just respect those who indeed try hard.

4) Okk. i have run out of points now. speaking of which i should just remind you all that i sud be the last person to be talking about females. i can count the total number of female contacts i have had till now on my finger tips. Seriously, I cant even get another point now. Okk heres one. Gals itni muggai mat karo yaar. Speaking of which I sud mention the DR ONE (bole toh department rank one)of our batch. She was originally from Metallurgical engineering and got a ‘branch change’ in second year and so she got into chemical engineering. The day this was announced one of my hostelites, who was also my dost ( as I called everyone else dost, and everyone else called me dost!) and was in meta and was also a big muggu told me with a pleasant smile(cos she was leaving his department) ki ‘beta, is duniya mein chahe koi kitna bhi mug le, usse jyada nahi mug sakta. Haha’ and I replied, ‘ ki hum kya farak padega, apan toh chhakki wale hain, aur chhakki wale rahenge. DRs ko honi chahiye fight life mein. Haha!’ toh ladkiyon.. ladko ko ek chance do. Itna mat muggo yaar. Please. Main aapke haath kaan paav jodta hun. Mat muggo itna.

5) ab yeh last point hone wala hai. Isse jyada toh nahi ho paayega. Bachchon aur unke uncles ko aaram se ‘ogling’ karne doh yaar. Wapas mud ke mat dekho. I remember one time, during one of the ppts (pre placement talk that is) one of my friends was staring at one of the girls (uske chehre pe woh tezzz tha.. you know. Dekhne se hee pata chal raha tha ki banda aaj finally khus hai.) par nahin. Ladki peeche mud ke dekhi. Aur apne dost ki literally fatt gayi. Mat karo yaar aisha. We all are a sad bunch of guys. Dekhne doh hamein. Please.

Okk. now I have got a millions options and selecting just five is difficult. I love difficulties. I will select just two. Mishti. And Crimemaster. Do it whenever you guys feel like doing it.

Chalo main ghar chala ab. Roadies miss ho gayaa yaar.

Posted in: on Saturday, March 1, 2008 at at 8:23 PM 5 comments  

Abhinav Jain bhagwaan hai. the kind of comments he gets. bhagwaan. kaise kar lete ho aap yeh?? seriously yaar. kaise??? many things are indeed admirable about him. first one being ki logo ne uski alag alag tarike se lene ki kosis ki but he never banned anonymous comments. i wish i was in such positions where random people will post mean comments on my blog. and second thing that i believe he can see beyond most people. ab i amnot sure what i mean by that. i see at the kind of comments he gets, full of advice with all that motherly sisterly brotherly affection. aur i think that he doesnt need any advise. he knows what he has got to do. one such comment says ki he might be the next chetan bhagat. aur i say, 'yeh chetan bhagat kaun hai be?' seriously. that man is nothing if you compare him with apna abhi. i did not get to read his five point someone in first year because some other ass got it issued from our hostel library and i had felt like putting the library into fire. and i think about that time now and the belief that i have always been this stupid gets stronger.

anyway. he gets the comment because people care for him. nobody cares for me. maa. i am so jealous.

anyway, if you have just started visiting his blog and believe that he is very gud at blogging, go check his archives of times when he used to be at IIM C(okk i earlier thot it sud be IIM K). He was exceptional. He was mind boggling. The kind that i used to write when nobody was thr to appreciate them. seriously yaar. mere archives mein bhi kuch anmol ratan ke jaise post pade huye hain. i dont really expect you to go thru the trouble of going thru each of them (cos even that time i used to write shitty shit once in a while!) so i am thinking about just reposting them. what say you guys! i know you cant wait!

Posted in: on Monday, February 25, 2008 at at 10:52 PM 13 comments  

Chuckie returns to a table where Will, Morgan and Billy have made themselves comfortable. He [Chuckie] spots two ATTRACTIVE YOUNG HARVARD WOMEN sitting together at the end of the bar.

Chuckie struts his way toward the women and pulls up a chair.
He flashes a smile and tries to submerge his thick Boston accent.


CHUCKIE: Hey, how's it goin'?
LYDIA: Fine.
SKYLAR: Okay.
CHUCKIE: So, you ladies ah, go to school here?
LYDIA: Yes.
CHUCKIE: Yeah, cause I think I had a class with you.

At this point, several interested parties materialize. Morgan Billy and Will try, as inconspicuously as possible, to situate themselves within listening distance. A rather large student in a HARVARD LACROSSE sweatshirt, CLARK (22) notices Chuckie.
He [Clark] walks over to Skylar and Lydia, nobly hovering over them as protector. This gets Will, Morgan, and Billy's attention.

SKYLAR:What class?
CHUCKIE: Ah, history I think.
SKYLAR: Oh...
CHUCKIE: Yah, it's not a bad school...

At this point, Clark can't resist and steps in.

CLARK: What class did you say that was?
CHUCKIE: History.
CLARK: How'd you like that course?
CHUCKIE: Good, it was all right.
CLARK: History? Just "history?" It must have been a survey course then.

Chuckie nods. Clark notices Chuckie's clothes. Will and Bill exchange a look and move subtly closer.


CLARK: Pretty broad. "History of the World?"
CHUCKIE: Hey, come on pal we're in classes all day. That's one thing about Harvard never seizes to amaze me, everybody's talkin' about school all the time.
CLARK: Hey, I'm the last guy to want to talk about school at the bar. But as long as you're here I want to "seize" the opportunity to ask you a question.
Billy shifts his beer into his left hand. Will and Morgan see this. Morgan rolls his eyes as if to say "not again..."

CLARK: Oh, I'm sure you covered it in your history class.
Clark looks to see if the girls are impressed. They are not.

When Clark looks back to Chuckie, Skylar turns to Lydia and rolls her [own] eyes. They laugh. Will sees this and smiles.

CHUCKIE: To tell you the truth, I wasn't there much. The class was rather elementary.
CLARK: Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt it was. I remember the class, it was just between recess and lunch.

Will and Billy come forward, stand behind Chuckie.

CHUCKIE: All right, are we gonna have a problem?
CLARK: There's no problem. I was just hoping you could give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the early colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War the economic modalities especially of the southern colonies could most aptly be characterized as agrarian precapitalist and...

Will, who at this point has migrated to Chuckie's side and is completely fed-up, includes himself in the conversation.

WILL: Of course that's your contention. You're a first year grad student. You just finished some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison prob'ly, and so naturally that's what you believe until next month when you get to James Lemon and get convinced that Virginia and Pennsylvania were strongly entrepreneurial and capitalist back in 1740. That'll last until sometime in your second year, then you'll be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood about the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.
CLARK(taken aback): Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of..
WILL: "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth..." You got that from "Work in Essex County," Page 421, right? Do you have any thoughts of your own on the subject or were you just gonna plagiarize the whole book for me?

Clark is stunned.

WILL: Look, don't try to pass yourself off as some kind of an intellect at the expense of my friend just to impress these girls.

Clark is lost now, searching for a graceful exit, any exit.

WILL: The sad thing is, in about 50 years you might start doin' some thinkin' on your own and by then you'll realize there are only two certainties in life.
CLARK: Yeah? What're those?
WILL: One, don't do that. Two -- you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on an education you coulda' picked up for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.

Will catches Skylar's eye.

CLARK: But I will have a degree, and you'll be serving my kids fries at a drive through on our way to a skiing trip.
WILL(smiles): Maybe. But at least I won't be a prick. And if you got a problem with that, I guess we can step outside and deal with it that way.

While Will is substantially smaller than Clark, he [Clark] not to take Will up on his [Will's] offer.

WILL: If you change your mind, I'll be over by the bar.

He turns and walks away. Chuckie follows, throwing Clark a look.

Morgan turns to a nearby girl.

MORGAN: My boy's wicked smart.


AT THE BAR -- LATER

Will sits with Morgan at the bar watching with some amusement as Chuckie and Billy play bar basketball game where the players shoot miniature balls at a small basket. In the B.G. occasionally we hear Chuckie shouting "Larry!", when he scores.

Skylar emerges from the crowd and approaches Will.

SKYLAR: You suck.
WILL: What?
SKYLAR: I've been sitting over there for forty-five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you.
WILL: I'm Will.
SKYLAR: Skylar. And by the way. That guy over there is a real dick and I just wanted you to know he didn't come with us.
WILL: I kind of got that impression.
SKYLAR: Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up early and waste some more money on my overpriced education.
WILL: I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe...
SKYLAR: Here's my number.

Skylar produces a folded piece of paper and offers it to Will.

SKYLAR: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
WILL: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
SKYLAR: What?
WILL: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
SKYLAR(laughs): Okay, sounds good.

She turns.

WILL: Five minutes.
SKYLAR: What?
WILL: I was trying to be smooth. (indicates clock) But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come over there and talk to you.
SKYLAR: See, it's my life story. Five minutes and I would have got to hear your best pick-up line.
WILL: The caramel thing is my pick-up line.
SKYLAR: Glad I came over.

Posted in: on Sunday, February 24, 2008 at at 5:15 PM 4 comments  

ok, in case you did not notice, last post was not completely complete and i had to abandon it just wen i was about to write its climax. earlier it sounded like a very sound idea- to divide the post in two part so as to keep my avid readers waiting and contemplating and hence giving the post its rightful platform- but now seeing the response, i am not very curious about completely completing the post. but i still will. i remember the kind of huge response that i had got for my original stories. india mein talent ki koi ijjat nahi hai. anyway, to start those kind of stories again is stil one of the possibilities and in fact, i am going to use that as a weapon the day i decide to shoo away all my readers (including the silent admirers that i believe must be in thousands in number) to regenerate myself or in more sophisticated terms, upgrade myself. 'myself' has never been my favorite term and i would scrap it off my dictionary anyday. talking of dictionary, i was indulged in my favourite activity-that of checking the orkut profiles of my friends and random people- wen i got bored and decided to write this crappy post; and i read the quote "Dictionary is the only place where death comes before life, success before work, but the best part is friends come before relatives." Well it would have been a lot better if it was truncated right after 'work' but still it was new to me and so i liked it.

whatelse? okk, i sud finish my previous post. so i was talking about my studdness. so in my urge to prove my studness, i will tell the girl that what i think about her and the way she thinks in whole truth. And it will irritate her and my chance to get the girl will decrease exponentially. now lets take B. He thinks that he is studd too. And in predicting the girl he thinks that he is as good as i think i am. but here is where the similarities end. the next plan of action is of utmost important. and he might be as good at heart as i think i am, he will play his part to ensure his victory. okk. everything i wrote above was not really required and the one sentence which wud have done the trick was 'He will try to manipulate the girl and make sure that the girl is crazy about him in exactly 10 days.'

And the original plan was to write some more crap and convince myself as well as you to believe that i am the real studd. the crap would be something like if the girl was easily manipulated then she was not the one worth investing so much efforts in. but then it doesnt sound right coming from a guy who takes pride in narrating his acts of stupidity.

here is a pic to end this disappointing post.

while the credit for this 'fulaa hua chapati' sud go to the hands holding the 'chimta', i take pride in the fact ki yeh roti maine bela hai.

Posted in: on at at 3:35 PM 3 comments  

So we went to AjantHa hotel this afternoon to have our lunch. And going to AjantHa or Adigas to have ones lunch is never a very exciting proposition anyday. But it was a very fortunate day indeed. On our way to the hotel we saw a VERY hot aunty in green sari. She was the difining example of the word ‘Extreme Maal’ coined by me. Now calling aunty to such a hot woman would be insulting to many but using ‘aunty’ here is my way of showing her that I mean no disrespect. Crap. I think aunty word itself is very hott.

 

SO I have been shifted to a new place. And let us just say that my desk is no longer an ideal place to access blogger. Sad. I know. But you know what the sadder part of the whole story is?? Pretending that you are actually working while you type a post on outlook.

 

Whats next? Believe me there is nothing as interesting as watching a query run for 1 hour. I am sure by the time I am done writing this post, it will still be running. So I had a profound thought the other day. It was about studness. I had almost deciphered the differentiating factor between studs and non-studs. And as Pondy (the much talked about pondy was here with me on this weekend) told me how desperate I am to be always talking about girls, I would illustrate my theory by giving an example where the criterion of evaluating studness is getting a girl. So lets assume I am a stud. Ok. Rephrased. I think I am a stud. I believe that gals are intelligent (1). And the way to impress a girl is being utterly honest and telling right at her face that what you think she is thinking (2). As I said I am stud, and hence I have logic behind each of my assumptions. Historical data about the girl I want to impress will tell me that she is intelligent. If the case is other wise, I wont even dream of impressing that girl as only an intelligent girl can value me for the studdness that I have, and not for my impressive personality, my six figure salary, my extremely refined sense of humor, my exquisite table manners, my heroic endeavors where I saved her from a group of goons and my biceps, triceps, quadraceps, hexaceps. | thak gaya yaar|

 

SO now that I have justified my assumptions as much as the assumptions taken into Generaal theory of relativity, I will go forward to explaining the most probable outcome of this stand. First she will be impressed. For sure. But soon she will be annoyed.

 

Okk I gotta go.  

Posted in: on Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at at 7:22 PM 2 comments  

8th Feb: Propose Day

9th Feb: Chocolate Day

10th Fed: Teddy Day

11th Fed: Promise Day

12th Feb: Hug Day

!3th Feb: Kiss Day

14th Feb: Valentine’s Day

Enjoy Valentine's Week.

This was an sms that I got from one of my friends. No point for guessing that he was a ‘boy’friend. They talk about equality for women. When are they going to message such messages to their dear friends like me?

Anyway. Back to the point. I thot it very creative of my friend to have come up with such an exhaustive list. I wud have had hug day a day later than the kiss day though. Anyway, back to the point. And the point is, that one of my friends from my huge list of ‘boy’friends also knew about the valentine week and on Kiss Day he smsed ‘Today is the kiss day. Am I going to get one from you?’ to one of his friend from his very short list of ‘girl’friends. And while he knew that no response will ever come he waited. He waited. Because he knew smsing was just a part of setting up the mood and he didn’t want the decent girl - that he believed her to be – to be answering to such idiotic smses. So he called her. And he heard the laugh that had made her heart stop beating for almost always. Anyway, he was about to explain her that it was no joke – the content of the sms that is – but he ran out of balance and I am still wondering what the result of his efforts has been.

Well the story doesn’t end here. It doesn’t even start here. It starts from a list. A list of girls that have ever had the misfortune of knowing him. And it was a sorted list. With the girl, having highest probability of accepting his proposal (I know it sounds too professional!) - which by the way was little less than 1 in a million or billion – at the very top of the list. Now this friend is very dear to me. And so I have taken the liberty of making fun of him. So as any sound forecasting model would have predicted his proposals were not met with responses that he expected. But he hasn’t given up. And while we talked last night on phone on this great human endeavor he even tried to convince me of using this great idea of proposing each and every girl that I have known in this or previous 10 births. The idea was that if girl acknowledges your eternal love for her in this and 10 previous birth of yours, you have succeeded otherwise just say that you just pulled a prank. Well, I said I will use this great idea on April 1st.

For the time being I think I should just scrap some random girl on Orkut that I am a very desperate guy who has never had any valentine for last 22 years and if they want to do a good deed on February the 14th they could just scrap 'I love you' in my scrapbook.

Great! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Posted in: on Wednesday, February 13, 2008 at at 7:34 PM 4 comments  

Chalte Chalte..

Chalte Chalte..

Yunhi koi mil gaya tha

Yunhi koi mil gaya tha

Sare raah chalet chalte

Sare raah chalet chalte

Wahi tham ke rah gayee hai

Wahi tham ke rah gayee hai

Meri raat dhalte dhalte..

Meri raat dhalte dhalte..

Joh kahi gayee naa mujhse

Joh kahi gayee naa mujhse

Woh zamaanaa kah raha hai

Woh zamaanaa kah raha hai

Ke fasaana..

Ke fasaanaa ban gayee hai..

Ke fasaanaa ban gayee hai..

Meri baat talte talte

Meri baat talte talte

Yunhi koi mil gaya tha

Yunhi koi mil gaya tha

Sare raah chalet chalte

Sare raah chalet chalte

Sabe intezaar aakhir

Kabhi hogi mukhtsar bhi

Yeh chirag..

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Merw saath jalte jalte.

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain..

Yeh chirag bujh rahe hain

Mere saath jalte jalte..

Yunhi koi mil gaya tha

Posted in: on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at at 7:55 PM 0 comments  

I am quite good at drawing. The one above depicts the sophistication and simplicity in my drawing. anyway, to expect from you to understand what i have drawn on the sheet of paper is to expect from you the knowledge of 'unknowledgeable'- it is definitely a word as i checked in google just now. and i want to stress upon the fact that i typed the spelling of it(i wud have typed the word again, but i dont want to take chance. i did it alright the first time, i am not sure i wud be able to repeat myself.)absolutely correctly in first shot. - and that i wont expect from you. so i will tell you what i drawn up there. relax. dont try to guess. you cant.

so i have just submitted my appraisal form. it was kind of boring. no. it was definitely boring. i dont want to evaluate myself. i know i am the best. okk. that i am not quite sure about. but even if 'i dont think i am the best', i have got the right to put up a case against my unwillingness to go thru the appraisal process. i do my work. and that sud be it.

its been years since i have written anything remotely funny. okk. in next ten lines, i will write something so funny that you will realise that nothing more funny cud and wud be ever written in history of human race. And by funny, i dont mean things like 'i broke up with a girl becus she cud not keep up with me in bed' or 'I woke up today to find that i have been sleeping the whole night' or 'this is the greatest blog ever.' okk, i have already wasted 1 line. sorry its already 2. 4. shit! okk. lets get this done with. here it comes. SHIT. HAPPENS.

okk. in my endeavour to write the funniest thing of this era i think i have rewritten the most profound thot of this universe. now that i have written it, its face value will get over evaluated by billion million dollors.

okk, the thing that u see drawn in the pic at top is a 'baigan' that we cooked today.

Posted in: on Friday, February 8, 2008 at at 5:04 PM 8 comments  

So I watched Taare Zameen Par last evening. And it was good. I had heard so much about it that I was afraid that it might not bear the bojh of high expectations and I might be disappointed. The way it had turned out for Rang De Basanti. I mean I did like the movie. But I did not find it as great as some of you might want me to believe. And while I was desperately waiting for a movie that would make me cry like babies, it did make me weep a bit. And I am not sure if it was weeping that I did but I was almost at saturation point and one more ‘Tadaaaaak’ to Ishan Avasthi or one more scene of absolute happiness would have done the task.

 

Well. Second half of the movie was outstanding. Amir Khan rules. Hats off to the man.  

 

And You wont believe it but I had written the earlier part of this post in morning and its almost 8:30 in night now. And I would have to go. Aah but I gotta write about some more things about movies and a Japanese animation series ‘TOUCH.’ So this Saturday we (actually my friends) were watching Motorcycle Diaries on TV. And while I was busy watching ‘Touch’ I would have a look at the movie once in a while. So there is almost this last part of the movie where the heroes of this film are partying with nuns and priests in someplace in Peru. They had visited Peru to help them tackle leprosy and they did it with all their heart and were deservedly liked by the people their. So in the last part one of the heroes ask this nun to dance with him and as he is not quite gud at it he starts one of his own dances. And people suddenly stop and watch him dance and laugh resulting in an embarrassed look on his face. They stop dancing.  And he smiles. The nun smile. And all the people arounf them smile. And their eyes smile. It was such a beautiful scene. You know that people are happy. And they have nothing in their minds. They are not even bothered that this moment will not last forever. This I believe was a state of absolute happiness.

 

TOUCH. As the name suggests will touch you. Okk I will give a brief synopsis. But it cant be brief I guess. So I will write about it another post I guess.

 

Chalo!

 

Posted in: on Tuesday, February 5, 2008 at at 8:31 PM 2 comments  

I am sad today. For no particular reason. Must be the weather. Lousy weather. And I don’t even want to write a post. But I still am.

I will go watch Taare Zameein Par in INOX.



Whats next??



I will compile a list of hot heroines.



5) Manisha Koirala

4) Ayesha Takiya

3) Amisha Patel

2) Riya sen

1) Amrita Arora



Well. Manisha Koirala and Amisha Patel are indeed beautiful. But I couldn’t have recognized it but for one divine day when I watched them run. I will make one movie with all these heroines where they will do nothing but run.



So here goes my Hollywood list.



5) Scarlet Johanson

4) Paris Hilton

3) Monica Bellucci

2) Eva Green

1) Drew Barrymore



And here is a tribute to my dear donst Tyagi who showed the courage of commenting thrice in this crap post. And this list was actually quite inspired by him as I have seen him industrially list his favourite movies in an excel sheet or MS Word and what not. Gud work, Tyagi. If you just gave me that list I wud let the readers also know the class of your taste.



So here is his list of haaaaaat heroines (and I believe it sud be more reliable as the pervertness in his mind, I believe is less than mine.)



1) Jessica alba

2) Eva Green

3) Monica Bellucci

4) Carmen Electra

5) Michelle Hunzinker/Tyra Banks

Thanks! :D

I am quite not sure about the looks of Michelle Hunzinker and Tyra Banks. So have kept them at last. I can google their images but i dont want to set standards in abusing internet in an office. And i have tried looking into the hautness of these actressess thru your eyes. and jessica alba somehow is too haught wen i do that. (hehe. =)) Crap! what a line!)

Posted in: on Monday, February 4, 2008 at at 2:53 PM 10 comments  

I always think a step (or two) ahead of others. That is why I remembered Juhi Chawla when I heard the name Kalpana. Now I don’t expect normal human intelligence to be able to decipher the relevance of second sentence to the first. But still I wont decipher it for you. The original plan was to tell you right away why I thought of juhi Chawla when I heard Kalpana but for the sake of keeping your ego up and tight I will presume that your IQ is a level higher than that of normal intelligent human. I know that this is very bad assumption but ‘bad’ is anytime preferable than ‘worse’. Plus it is always possible for you to pretend that you were indeed able to solve the riddle. Pretense is a very handy quality to have, I tell you. You pretend like a king and you are almost a king. There is one other way though that will take you to the places if you have got it inside. In addition to pretending that you solved the riddle you can also choose to criticize me for bullshitting here and telling me that its me whos got an acute shortage of human intelligence.

You know what??! If there was an Oscar for writing crap I will win it each year.

Good things should happen to good people. And I am not writing this just because a lot good has been happening to me lately. I just hope that they don’t lose hope. And I hope that every story has a happy ending.

Well, as you all should have guessed, very correctly if I may add; that I am very smart man. A very very smart man. And one thing that I have very early learned for my edge is that future is quite uncertain but things do follow a probability curve. See.., I even talk like a smart man. So I was talking of probability. And chances. And given that I have set the bars quite up for any lady to be able to impress me (which makes the chances of me being able to find a girl very less), and given that even that lady will be a thinking machine, my chances to get the girl are even lesser. huh! :||

So what do I do? I plan. In case I find a girl its absolutely necessary that I get her as well. And while the event of finding a girl is absolutely random (well almost!), the chances of being able to get her depend on a lot of factors. And given that I am going to be a billionaire will make things quite favourable to me, I wouldn’t want to make her feel that I am not trying hard enough because I know that she will be mine because I am a billionaire. So I am thinking about writing a poetry. An original one. A poetry that will make her heart etch. That would tell her the things that she felt but never knew that shes felt them before because nobody told her before.

okk. So here I go.

Wahi aankh, wahi kaan.
wahi hindi, wahi jabaan. (waah, waah!!)
Jaisa khwabon mein dekha tha
wahi armaan, wahi saamaan.
tere naa hone ke gam mein
peeya sutta, khaayaa paan.
sadak pe chalaa hun main bhaukate kutton ke beech.

isse jyada na ho paayega ab. i wud rather hire javed akhtar to write one for me.

I know this post is funny. but you know what was the funniest part??

..like a smart man. So I was talking of probability. And chances. And given that I have set the bars quite up for any lady to be able to impress me (which makes the chances of me..

Hahahahahhahhahahaha!

Posted in: on Thursday, January 31, 2008 at at 11:04 PM 6 comments  

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