the greatest blog ever

Abhinav Jain bhagwaan hai. the kind of comments he gets. bhagwaan. kaise kar lete ho aap yeh?? seriously yaar. kaise??? many things are indeed admirable about him. first one being ki logo ne uski alag alag tarike se lene ki kosis ki but he never banned anonymous comments. i wish i was in such positions where random people will post mean comments on my blog. and second thing that i believe he can see beyond most people. ab i amnot sure what i mean by that. i see at the kind of comments he gets, full of advice with all that motherly sisterly brotherly affection. aur i think that he doesnt need any advise. he knows what he has got to do. one such comment says ki he might be the next chetan bhagat. aur i say, 'yeh chetan bhagat kaun hai be?' seriously. that man is nothing if you compare him with apna abhi. i did not get to read his five point someone in first year because some other ass got it issued from our hostel library and i had felt like putting the library into fire. and i think about that time now and the belief that i have always been this stupid gets stronger.

anyway. he gets the comment because people care for him. nobody cares for me. maa. i am so jealous.

anyway, if you have just started visiting his blog and believe that he is very gud at blogging, go check his archives of times when he used to be at IIM C(okk i earlier thot it sud be IIM K). He was exceptional. He was mind boggling. The kind that i used to write when nobody was thr to appreciate them. seriously yaar. mere archives mein bhi kuch anmol ratan ke jaise post pade huye hain. i dont really expect you to go thru the trouble of going thru each of them (cos even that time i used to write shitty shit once in a while!) so i am thinking about just reposting them. what say you guys! i know you cant wait!

Posted in: on Monday, February 25, 2008 at at 10:52 PM 13 comments  

Chuckie returns to a table where Will, Morgan and Billy have made themselves comfortable. He [Chuckie] spots two ATTRACTIVE YOUNG HARVARD WOMEN sitting together at the end of the bar.

Chuckie struts his way toward the women and pulls up a chair.
He flashes a smile and tries to submerge his thick Boston accent.


CHUCKIE: Hey, how's it goin'?
LYDIA: Fine.
SKYLAR: Okay.
CHUCKIE: So, you ladies ah, go to school here?
LYDIA: Yes.
CHUCKIE: Yeah, cause I think I had a class with you.

At this point, several interested parties materialize. Morgan Billy and Will try, as inconspicuously as possible, to situate themselves within listening distance. A rather large student in a HARVARD LACROSSE sweatshirt, CLARK (22) notices Chuckie.
He [Clark] walks over to Skylar and Lydia, nobly hovering over them as protector. This gets Will, Morgan, and Billy's attention.

SKYLAR:What class?
CHUCKIE: Ah, history I think.
SKYLAR: Oh...
CHUCKIE: Yah, it's not a bad school...

At this point, Clark can't resist and steps in.

CLARK: What class did you say that was?
CHUCKIE: History.
CLARK: How'd you like that course?
CHUCKIE: Good, it was all right.
CLARK: History? Just "history?" It must have been a survey course then.

Chuckie nods. Clark notices Chuckie's clothes. Will and Bill exchange a look and move subtly closer.


CLARK: Pretty broad. "History of the World?"
CHUCKIE: Hey, come on pal we're in classes all day. That's one thing about Harvard never seizes to amaze me, everybody's talkin' about school all the time.
CLARK: Hey, I'm the last guy to want to talk about school at the bar. But as long as you're here I want to "seize" the opportunity to ask you a question.
Billy shifts his beer into his left hand. Will and Morgan see this. Morgan rolls his eyes as if to say "not again..."

CLARK: Oh, I'm sure you covered it in your history class.
Clark looks to see if the girls are impressed. They are not.

When Clark looks back to Chuckie, Skylar turns to Lydia and rolls her [own] eyes. They laugh. Will sees this and smiles.

CHUCKIE: To tell you the truth, I wasn't there much. The class was rather elementary.
CLARK: Elementary? Oh, I don't doubt it was. I remember the class, it was just between recess and lunch.

Will and Billy come forward, stand behind Chuckie.

CHUCKIE: All right, are we gonna have a problem?
CLARK: There's no problem. I was just hoping you could give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the early colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War the economic modalities especially of the southern colonies could most aptly be characterized as agrarian precapitalist and...

Will, who at this point has migrated to Chuckie's side and is completely fed-up, includes himself in the conversation.

WILL: Of course that's your contention. You're a first year grad student. You just finished some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison prob'ly, and so naturally that's what you believe until next month when you get to James Lemon and get convinced that Virginia and Pennsylvania were strongly entrepreneurial and capitalist back in 1740. That'll last until sometime in your second year, then you'll be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood about the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.
CLARK(taken aback): Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of..
WILL: "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth..." You got that from "Work in Essex County," Page 421, right? Do you have any thoughts of your own on the subject or were you just gonna plagiarize the whole book for me?

Clark is stunned.

WILL: Look, don't try to pass yourself off as some kind of an intellect at the expense of my friend just to impress these girls.

Clark is lost now, searching for a graceful exit, any exit.

WILL: The sad thing is, in about 50 years you might start doin' some thinkin' on your own and by then you'll realize there are only two certainties in life.
CLARK: Yeah? What're those?
WILL: One, don't do that. Two -- you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on an education you coulda' picked up for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.

Will catches Skylar's eye.

CLARK: But I will have a degree, and you'll be serving my kids fries at a drive through on our way to a skiing trip.
WILL(smiles): Maybe. But at least I won't be a prick. And if you got a problem with that, I guess we can step outside and deal with it that way.

While Will is substantially smaller than Clark, he [Clark] not to take Will up on his [Will's] offer.

WILL: If you change your mind, I'll be over by the bar.

He turns and walks away. Chuckie follows, throwing Clark a look.

Morgan turns to a nearby girl.

MORGAN: My boy's wicked smart.


AT THE BAR -- LATER

Will sits with Morgan at the bar watching with some amusement as Chuckie and Billy play bar basketball game where the players shoot miniature balls at a small basket. In the B.G. occasionally we hear Chuckie shouting "Larry!", when he scores.

Skylar emerges from the crowd and approaches Will.

SKYLAR: You suck.
WILL: What?
SKYLAR: I've been sitting over there for forty-five minutes waiting for you to come talk to me. But I'm just tired now and I have to go home and I wasn't going to keep sitting there waiting for you.
WILL: I'm Will.
SKYLAR: Skylar. And by the way. That guy over there is a real dick and I just wanted you to know he didn't come with us.
WILL: I kind of got that impression.
SKYLAR: Well, look, I have to go. Gotta' get up early and waste some more money on my overpriced education.
WILL: I didn't mean you. Listen, maybe...
SKYLAR: Here's my number.

Skylar produces a folded piece of paper and offers it to Will.

SKYLAR: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
WILL: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
SKYLAR: What?
WILL: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
SKYLAR(laughs): Okay, sounds good.

She turns.

WILL: Five minutes.
SKYLAR: What?
WILL: I was trying to be smooth. (indicates clock) But at twelve-fifteen I was gonna come over there and talk to you.
SKYLAR: See, it's my life story. Five minutes and I would have got to hear your best pick-up line.
WILL: The caramel thing is my pick-up line.
SKYLAR: Glad I came over.

Posted in: on Sunday, February 24, 2008 at at 5:15 PM 4 comments  

ok, in case you did not notice, last post was not completely complete and i had to abandon it just wen i was about to write its climax. earlier it sounded like a very sound idea- to divide the post in two part so as to keep my avid readers waiting and contemplating and hence giving the post its rightful platform- but now seeing the response, i am not very curious about completely completing the post. but i still will. i remember the kind of huge response that i had got for my original stories. india mein talent ki koi ijjat nahi hai. anyway, to start those kind of stories again is stil one of the possibilities and in fact, i am going to use that as a weapon the day i decide to shoo away all my readers (including the silent admirers that i believe must be in thousands in number) to regenerate myself or in more sophisticated terms, upgrade myself. 'myself' has never been my favorite term and i would scrap it off my dictionary anyday. talking of dictionary, i was indulged in my favourite activity-that of checking the orkut profiles of my friends and random people- wen i got bored and decided to write this crappy post; and i read the quote "Dictionary is the only place where death comes before life, success before work, but the best part is friends come before relatives." Well it would have been a lot better if it was truncated right after 'work' but still it was new to me and so i liked it.

whatelse? okk, i sud finish my previous post. so i was talking about my studdness. so in my urge to prove my studness, i will tell the girl that what i think about her and the way she thinks in whole truth. And it will irritate her and my chance to get the girl will decrease exponentially. now lets take B. He thinks that he is studd too. And in predicting the girl he thinks that he is as good as i think i am. but here is where the similarities end. the next plan of action is of utmost important. and he might be as good at heart as i think i am, he will play his part to ensure his victory. okk. everything i wrote above was not really required and the one sentence which wud have done the trick was 'He will try to manipulate the girl and make sure that the girl is crazy about him in exactly 10 days.'

And the original plan was to write some more crap and convince myself as well as you to believe that i am the real studd. the crap would be something like if the girl was easily manipulated then she was not the one worth investing so much efforts in. but then it doesnt sound right coming from a guy who takes pride in narrating his acts of stupidity.

here is a pic to end this disappointing post.

while the credit for this 'fulaa hua chapati' sud go to the hands holding the 'chimta', i take pride in the fact ki yeh roti maine bela hai.

Posted in: on at at 3:35 PM 3 comments  

Posted in: on Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at at 7:22 PM 2 comments  

8^th Feb: Propose Day

9^th Feb: Chocolate Day

10^th Fed: Teddy Day

11^th Fed: Promise Day

12^th Feb: Hug Day

!3th Feb: Kiss Day

14^th Feb: Valentine’s Day

Enjoy Valentine's Week.

This was an sms that I got from one of my friends. No point for guessing that he was a ‘boy’friend. They talk about equality for women. When are they going to message such messages to their dear friends like me?

Anyway. Back to the point. I thot it very creative of my friend to have come up with such an exhaustive list. I wud have had hug day a day later than the kiss day though. Anyway, back to the point. And the point is, that one of my friends from my huge list of ‘boy’friends also knew about the valentine week and on Kiss Day he smsed ‘Today is the kiss day. Am I going to get one from you?’ to one of his friend from his very short list of ‘girl’friends. And while he knew that no response will ever come he waited. He waited. Because he knew smsing was just a part of setting up the mood and he didn’t want the decent girl - that he believed her to be – to be answering to such idiotic smses. So he called her. And he heard the laugh that had made her heart stop beating for almost always. Anyway, he was about to explain her that it was no joke – the content of the sms that is – but he ran out of balance and I am still wondering what the result of his efforts has been.

Well the story doesn’t end here. It doesn’t even start here. It starts from a list. A list of girls that have ever had the misfortune of knowing him. And it was a sorted list. With the girl, having highest probability of accepting his proposal (I know it sounds too professional!) - which by the way was little less than 1 in a million or billion – at the very top of the list. Now this friend is very dear to me. And so I have taken the liberty of making fun of him. So as any sound forecasting model would have predicted his proposals were not met with responses that he expected. But he hasn’t given up. And while we talked last night on phone on this great human endeavor he even tried to convince me of using this great idea of proposing each and every girl that I have known in this or previous 10 births. The idea was that if girl acknowledges your eternal love for her in this and 10 previous birth of yours, you have succeeded otherwise just say that you just pulled a prank. Well, I said I will use this great idea on April 1^st.

For the time being I think I should just scrap some random girl on Orkut that I am a very desperate guy who has never had any valentine for last 22 years and if they want to do a good deed on February the 14th they could just scrap 'I love you' in my scrapbook.

Great! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Posted in: on Wednesday, February 13, 2008 at at 7:34 PM 4 comments  

Posted in: on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at at 7:55 PM 0 comments  

I am quite good at drawing. The one above depicts the sophistication and simplicity in my drawing. anyway, to expect from you to understand what i have drawn on the sheet of paper is to expect from you the knowledge of 'unknowledgeable'- it is definitely a word as i checked in google just now. and i want to stress upon the fact that i typed the spelling of it(i wud have typed the word again, but i dont want to take chance. i did it alright the first time, i am not sure i wud be able to repeat myself.)absolutely correctly in first shot. - and that i wont expect from you. so i will tell you what i drawn up there. relax. dont try to guess. you cant.

so i have just submitted my appraisal form. it was kind of boring. no. it was definitely boring. i dont want to evaluate myself. i know i am the best. okk. that i am not quite sure about. but even if 'i dont think i am the best', i have got the right to put up a case against my unwillingness to go thru the appraisal process. i do my work. and that sud be it.

its been years since i have written anything remotely funny. okk. in next ten lines, i will write something so funny that you will realise that nothing more funny cud and wud be ever written in history of human race. And by funny, i dont mean things like 'i broke up with a girl becus she cud not keep up with me in bed' or 'I woke up today to find that i have been sleeping the whole night' or 'this is the greatest blog ever.' okk, i have already wasted 1 line. sorry its already 2. 4. shit! okk. lets get this done with. here it comes. SHIT. HAPPENS.

okk. in my endeavour to write the funniest thing of this era i think i have rewritten the most profound thot of this universe. now that i have written it, its face value will get over evaluated by billion million dollors.

okk, the thing that u see drawn in the pic at top is a 'baigan' that we cooked today.

Posted in: on Friday, February 8, 2008 at at 5:04 PM 8 comments  

Posted in: on Tuesday, February 5, 2008 at at 8:31 PM 2 comments  

I am sad today. For no particular reason. Must be the weather. Lousy weather. And I don’t even want to write a post. But I still am.

I will go watch Taare Zameein Par in INOX.



Whats next??



I will compile a list of hot heroines.



5) Manisha Koirala

4) Ayesha Takiya

3) Amisha Patel

2) Riya sen

1) Amrita Arora



Well. Manisha Koirala and Amisha Patel are indeed beautiful. But I couldn’t have recognized it but for one divine day when I watched them run. I will make one movie with all these heroines where they will do nothing but run.



So here goes my Hollywood list.



5) Scarlet Johanson

4) Paris Hilton

3) Monica Bellucci

2) Eva Green

1) Drew Barrymore



And here is a tribute to my dear donst Tyagi who showed the courage of commenting thrice in this crap post. And this list was actually quite inspired by him as I have seen him industrially list his favourite movies in an excel sheet or MS Word and what not. Gud work, Tyagi. If you just gave me that list I wud let the readers also know the class of your taste.



So here is his list of haaaaaat heroines (and I believe it sud be more reliable as the pervertness in his mind, I believe is less than mine.)



1) Jessica alba

2) Eva Green

3) Monica Bellucci

4) Carmen Electra

5) Michelle Hunzinker/Tyra Banks

Thanks! :D

I am quite not sure about the looks of Michelle Hunzinker and Tyra Banks. So have kept them at last. I can google their images but i dont want to set standards in abusing internet in an office. And i have tried looking into the hautness of these actressess thru your eyes. and jessica alba somehow is too haught wen i do that. (hehe. =)) Crap! what a line!)

Posted in: on Monday, February 4, 2008 at at 2:53 PM 10 comments  

I always think a step (or two) ahead of others. That is why I remembered Juhi Chawla when I heard the name Kalpana. Now I don’t expect normal human intelligence to be able to decipher the relevance of second sentence to the first. But still I wont decipher it for you. The original plan was to tell you right away why I thought of juhi Chawla when I heard Kalpana but for the sake of keeping your ego up and tight I will presume that your IQ is a level higher than that of normal intelligent human. I know that this is very bad assumption but ‘bad’ is anytime preferable than ‘worse’. Plus it is always possible for you to pretend that you were indeed able to solve the riddle. Pretense is a very handy quality to have, I tell you. You pretend like a king and you are almost a king. There is one other way though that will take you to the places if you have got it inside. In addition to pretending that you solved the riddle you can also choose to criticize me for bullshitting here and telling me that its me whos got an acute shortage of human intelligence.

You know what??! If there was an Oscar for writing crap I will win it each year.

Good things should happen to good people. And I am not writing this just because a lot good has been happening to me lately. I just hope that they don’t lose hope. And I hope that every story has a happy ending.

Well, as you all should have guessed, very correctly if I may add; that I am very smart man. A very very smart man. And one thing that I have very early learned for my edge is that future is quite uncertain but things do follow a probability curve. See.., I even talk like a smart man. So I was talking of probability. And chances. And given that I have set the bars quite up for any lady to be able to impress me (which makes the chances of me being able to find a girl very less), and given that even that lady will be a thinking machine, my chances to get the girl are even lesser. huh! :||

So what do I do? I plan. In case I find a girl its absolutely necessary that I get her as well. And while the event of finding a girl is absolutely random (well almost!), the chances of being able to get her depend on a lot of factors. And given that I am going to be a billionaire will make things quite favourable to me, I wouldn’t want to make her feel that I am not trying hard enough because I know that she will be mine because I am a billionaire. So I am thinking about writing a poetry. An original one. A poetry that will make her heart etch. That would tell her the things that she felt but never knew that shes felt them before because nobody told her before.

okk. So here I go.

Wahi aankh, wahi kaan.
wahi hindi, wahi jabaan. (waah, waah!!)
Jaisa khwabon mein dekha tha
wahi armaan, wahi saamaan.
tere naa hone ke gam mein
peeya sutta, khaayaa paan.
sadak pe chalaa hun main bhaukate kutton ke beech.

isse jyada na ho paayega ab. i wud rather hire javed akhtar to write one for me.

I know this post is funny. but you know what was the funniest part??

..like a smart man. So I was talking of probability. And chances. And given that I have set the bars quite up for any lady to be able to impress me (which makes the chances of me..

Hahahahahhahhahahaha!

Posted in: on Thursday, January 31, 2008 at at 11:04 PM 6 comments  

i remember that i knew what i wanted to write. it was some pretty serious stuff. the kind that makes you stop from running, look around, regret and then fire some bullets in your head. anyway. today. today is gone. its already 24. the end of 23rd of Jan marks the completion of six months of my job. ok. i wont bore you with the 'lesson learnt' session so you can relax. the excuse is that i dont prefer learning. any kind of learning. well, that is an outright lie. the kind that we tell to project an image of being kool. i love learning. i make mistakes so that i can learn the art of not learning from mistakes. Crap man! Now I wud write utter nonsense! Self-criticism is such a sweet thing. It makes idiots who know that they are idiots, look little less idiot in others' eyes.

You know I post to make u feel better about yourself. but at the same time it is quite implicit, and i have my history to back me up, that i fail at 99% of the times at what ever i intend to do. okk. that was just me trying to act as an analyst. so what was it?? aah. yaa. so the whole idea behind making-you-feel-better was that i wud portray the 'real' me here and seeing that how miserable i am, you might feel that your life doesnt suck that much after all. but seriously, its absolutely imposible to hide the fact that my life rocks. i mean, look at me. i dont have a girlfriend. AND (picture Ross! A N D) i have an underpaying job. i mean..how compatible a life can get??! haan??!

so i am thinking alot lately. about different levels of sophistication a man attains as he grows as person. for example, take god. wen we are kids, we believe that god exists. wen we have read Freakonomics and are out of college, we are sure that god is nothing but a concept, used widely to control man. And then we grow old. and we have seen much. we are about to die. and we desperately want to believe in something. and then we remember the moments when life took many u-turns, l-turns and j-turns and we realise that we were not the once to choose which way to turn.

And so i wonder if i wud ever have any thought of my own. All this time (and specifically after seeing matrix) i believed that i was the master of my destiny. And then the other day we bought a book called 'Fooled bY Randomness' from Strand and it took only reading of its preface to convince me of the fact that everything is random and we choose nothing and believing that we can actually choose something is the stupidest thing in this world. And so i came to the conclusion that i am just too eager to get convinced of anything that is slightly revolutionary, defiant or in a sense challenges the conventional wisdom.

Self respect and igo. a thin line must separate them. Igo is such an important quality that one sud be proud to possess. seriously. To ignore all the hints that mother nature often throws at you to make you realise that you are THE Asshole in this universe (or is that just meeh?? isssssh!), and believe that everyone else is an ass and a stupid ass at that. To be truly proud of one thing that you possess with the feeling that it will never desert you. To truly believe that I am the GAWD.

okk. now i think that i might have got the whole definition of 'ego' wrong??

Posted in: on Thursday, January 24, 2008 at at 12:37 AM 5 comments  

Orkut! It used to be a roller coaster experience for me each time I visited it. It still is. Must say that it has changed for worse though. I mean you can not look at the pics of people (ok read gals!) if they dont want strangers to look at their album. Yeh toh galat baat hai yaar. Hum jaise honhaar logo ke kathin parishram ka madhur phal hota hai kanyaaon ke chitro ko parakhanaa. Okk. I sud stop trying to be funny. But seriously wasnt being able to look at any random girl's pics was our birth right??! Ladkiyaan kab se itni nirdayee ho gayeein????!

what am i?? 17?? just entered a college wher you gotta do nothing but check orkut, download movies and watch porn?? seriously, arent offices meant to be worked in??! why dont they use CCTV to track the working habit of their employees?? why dont they just block orkut?? or Blogspot?? OR internet?? no rahe baans. naa baje baansuri. i mean i seriously dont want to waste my time. but i am not a believer in resisting the temptation and similar sort of shit. i am human. if you give a man a whistle, the best way to make him whistle it is to ask him not to whistle it. And so i gave into all the temptation, for if you dont resist them, finally aapka giveup ho hee jaayega un sabhi se. for the uninitiated 'giveup' is a universal word, cud be a noun, a pronoun, a verb, a proverb, a proposition, a proproposition. okk. few example sud help. 1. main bahut giveup banda hun. 2. abe, giveup naa maar! 3. abe giveup maar yaar. 4. life se giveup ho gaye. 5. giveup karaa diya yaar. 6. giveup ho gayaa yaar.

seriously giveup ho gaya is give up ke chakkar mein. okk. so as i sud let the world know that i have been *kho**kho* WORKING in office at 1:34 am i wud let you know that i am writing this blog at 1:35 in morning which coincidently happens to be just one minute later than initially mentioned 1:34 am. kyun ho gayaa naa?? GIVE UP??!

aah, back to orkut. kya bataun. i mean KYA bataun main???? itne studd log baithe huye hain! ek se badkar ek. i used to be one of them. but now that i am out of ideas of making my profile thoda-sa-hatke from other profiles, i have opted to keep most of the space blank. i mean the only way to hide stupidity is a complete ban on expression. but still i have got my own ways of making some changes now and then and for just now i have put on amrita arora as my profile pic. i mean how cool is that. well i thot i wud be flooded with scraps inquiring about my possible attempt at trans-sexuality and offers of dates with my gud for nothing boyfriends and random despos. but as i said, zamana aage nikal chuka hai.

chalo bhai logo. mujhe jaana hai ab. aaj ke liye maine apne aap ko 10 scraps kar liye hain.

Aint i funny???

seriously..

Posted in: on Saturday, January 19, 2008 at at 1:17 AM 3 comments  

Posted in: on Monday, January 14, 2008 at at 8:46 PM 2 comments  

Posted in: on at at 7:34 PM 2 comments  

- I'm Jeeter.
- I'm Natalie.
- Nice to meet you, Natalie.
- Good to meet you, too.
- You know, in about 24 hours, I'm gonna be rich.
- Really?
- Yeah. You from New York?
- No, I'm from LA.
- OK. Did I mention I was gonna be rich?
- You did, actually.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. You like that?
- It's...It's interesting.
- Natalie, what would you do with 5 million dollars, hypothetically?

Okay. I havent written these lines. If you have seen 'A Lot Like Love' you sud be laffing your ass off by now. Flirting at its best.

okk. We went to Nandini for lunch this afternoon. I have eaten at many AP Special restaurant here. And i absolutely love them. ek photu toh chipka hee deta hun.

left mein Tyagi aur saath mein PandeyJi. They were so excited about this pic when i told them that i was gonna post it on this great blog. Khusi chipaaye nahi chip rahi unse, nahi??! ok. they were quite indifferent about the pic as they know that noone reads this blog so its more like uploading an image onto web.

okay in a side news, i almost got my ass kicked. something quite-bloggable happened this saturday. i was with tyagi as he has got a laptop (the only thing that ensures that friends meet on weekends!) So as planned we went to this DVD wala store
(rent pe dene wali) and got ourselves Monalisa Smile. Everything was nice. And then it happened. We couldnt listen what Julie Stiles was saying to Julia Roberts and we decided this was the time to return the DVD and get a new one. So we went back to the store. And the man there was quite an asshole. He kept on saying that the problem is with laptop and DVD is ok!(as it turned out to be!) So he was speaking to tyagi about something and suddenly oversmart me thought of some vital points which could have won us the argument and i intervened. And now, i am not sure if he said 'SHUT UP' (Shetaaaaaap!) or something else but the effect was that i was outta 'hosh' for a second of two. And then we (ok, tyagi!) politely asked him to talk to us with some respect. He said it was not a gud manner to interrupt someone when he is talking. I definitely did not agree. So the situation reached to point where we proposed that we wud get a new vcd for mona lisa smile and also pay 40 rupees extra for DVD. Some diplomatic delegates we were, right! but then i was fuming with anger. so i picked up the fight again. i told him that we were customers and he was the service provider. by law, we were not supposed to be handled in that rough manner. that we were the gawd. that he existed becus of us. so, wenever i talk my voice is usually a level higher than the normal level. and i am not sure what level i was at when i was fighting with him. plus i had to talk to him in my tooti-footi angrezi and it was not helping either. so here was another guy, apne store-wale ke pehchaan ka saayad, and he explained to him in kannada that how the dvd was all hunky dory and laptops sud never be used to play movies. And i interrupted again.

'Now he is talking to him... in whatever language he is talking in!'

And that was it. uski aankhein krodh ki agni mein jalne lagein. 'Fuck you + some kannada word' he threw at me as he tried to get out of the store, towards me. he repeated them for quite some time. Twice. NAah, it was thrice. watever. aur meri literally fat li. Ok.

Well. tyagi returned the VCD this morning.(I had left early this morning to get to my apartment!) and he(the angry young man!) did not take extra charges for the DVD. Sala last mein hero ban gaya. When tyagi insisted on giving the money, he said ki
he also had aatm-samman or something and he was angry in night because 'that guy irritated him.'

well, now i wud write abt how i felt about this whole incident and the lessons learnt. well, i felt like a complete idiot. And me generally feeling like an idiot did not make things easy for me at all. first i tried to justify my act by the logic that that guy was real rude to us. but still. i am an idiot. what i said was preposterous and what he said was outright offensive. i was mad becus i cud not kick his ass and i was mad becus if even he had kicked my ass i wud have not minded. And i was mad becus i cud not let go of this incident as just another incidnet. 'theek hai yaar. life hai. hota hai.' i tried telling me a hundred times. i smoked a cigarette. cos thats the only thing i have seen kool people do to tackle their acts of stupidity.

aah. i hope writing this down will help me get this thing out of my system. Plus i gathered taht it was a real funny incident to blog about. kahan aate hain aishe avsar when you get your ass almost kicked!

Posted in: on Sunday, January 13, 2008 at at 4:01 PM 6 comments  

There are things that you need to do to keep yourself busy. I have done some things in my life so excessively - and without acknowledging them - that now that I look back at them with sophistication I find it very probable that if there is anything called ‘passion’, they were that. So here are the things that I did at different point in my life.
1. I am quite not sure what I did till standard 10. I mugged for sure. ‘Mugged’ ofcourse derived from ‘Muggu’ which refers to a person quite unintelligent to think that textbooks have all the answers to all the problems of life.
2. After 10th I really mugged. I mean I REALLY mugged. And those were two years quite important in my life. I owe the twists and turns in my life to those two years. And while it sounds kool to say that kids should choose their own path and study is not the only field that one can excel in and shit of that kind; one must never underestimate the importance of those years. Those are the years when you mug and do absolutely nothing. Bahut din ho gaya kisi bachche ko funde diye huye! What a waste!
3. The first year outside home was literally the most important year of my life. Friends. For life.
Okk. Now that boring part is over I can move on to more interesting things. Like ‘Yahoo messenger pe maari gayee fight’, movies, orkuting, friends, boston legal, bleach. And porn ofcourse. Daaru and Gamingn I never took fancy of. Those guys are kool, I tell you. The Gamer No. 1 is literally worshiped on LAN.

And blogs ofcourse. A long post is due on a girl, the love of our lives (yaa, donst must know! :D), the ultimate goddess, hamari bhagwaan, the girl who made two of us feel that we were not the gods of chatting world, the girl who WAS the girl. The only things that keep me from writing about her is the fear that I wud never be able to aptly describe what she really was.

I now gotta go home. I hate going home.

Posted in: on Thursday, January 10, 2008 at at 8:41 PM 7 comments  

So one thing that blogging does to abnormal people is making them aware. Of their surrounding. Anything remotely bloggable would be flagged immediately. And so it happens with me. The side effect ofcourse is that you also become aware of the fact that how unbloggale your life is. And if you run a covariance analysis between bloggability and Uneventfulness-in-life you would see a positive covariance, Uneventfulness-in-life following Unbloggability, like yesterday following today or today following tomorrow. Hah! WOW!

So for a change I had a lot to write about in this post. But as they say time makes important things trivial. Well, I think I have said it the first time. Anyway, I gotta write what I gotta write. Toh the news of the year is that I cooked. Rice and daal. In a cooker jisse city bhi nahi bajti thi. Yaa. I know. Daal thodi jal gayee. Namak thoda kam tha. Bhaat se poora paani uda nahi tha. But I ate. Yupp. And it was gud. I even photographed them.

In a side news, I watched welcome.utterly predictable. Buddhdhe actors dancing around teenage girls. Paresh Rawal. Kya bolun main paresh rawal ke baare mein? BUT..
Okk here BUT might indicate that I wud tell you that I liked ONE thing abt the movie which made it worth spending 130 rupees. (yaa, I watched it on Monday! Bhikari ho gaya hun main!) BUTTT is movie mein kuch nahi hai bhia. Mat jaana.

AHH. My post sound a lot like normal posts now. I am losing my edge. Okk. here is a joke that only a stud mind like that of yours truly can invent. Okk. its not that funny, Forget it.

Okk so I watched PIs for this show called Rhodies (I don’t want to spell it correctly. I don’t want to show the makers of the show that highly sophisticated people are talking abt his show.). The interviewer was a bald man called raghu who was getting paid for acting tough. And while I initially thot tht he was overdoing it, he srsly delivered some fine lines. Like thr is a thin line between ignorance and confidence.

Well, this is why I think ignorance is important.

PS: okay the joke was that my oversmart roomie observed that laptops are allowed inside theatre halls which cud be used in laptop-bombs. And i said ki koi laptop waste kyun karega?.

Posted in: on Tuesday, January 8, 2008 at at 8:43 PM 3 comments  

its 1:32 in night and i am in office. it wud be a sin if i didnt write a post write now. i dont have much time though. i gotta write something funny now.

okk. we were watching today's test match in morning. before coming to office. laxman was rocking at 80 something off 90 something balls. the partnership with dravid was around 100 something runs where dravid contributed vital 15, which was also the number of fours laxman had hit. so dravid was at strike. the crowd roared. dravid had not scored even a single for last 30 something balls. and there he did it. a single. the crowd gave him a standing ovation. dravid smiled.

okk.

Posted in: on Friday, January 4, 2008 at at 1:33 AM 0 comments  

Like everyone I did something new-year-special too. I did not take bath. Given that I take one almost every day it was a nice change to begin the new year with. Anyway it seems I have come very early this morning to office and I am already bored. Which is gud too because I want to start the new year in a lousy way so that I cud end it somewhat satisfactorily.

So what follows is the almost-last post of my earlier blog at Yahoo 360. Yahoo 360 sucks of course, but it was kind of gud. This copy-pasting is an attempt to establish the fact that i have the talent for writing mind boggling posts.

For the heck of it!

I thought about putting up a picture to make this entry look good. It was a good idea i guess. But then lukkhagiri must prevail. It must not include the implementation of good ideas. Do I sound too sophisticated? Believe me, I dont mean a word I have written above here. So am I a liar? I really dont know but I aspire to be an excellent one in the lying field. Wouldnt it be great people believing all your lies??! Wow! A lot of hard work has to be done in that field. Channelization of my energy, as they would say it. I really dont know who' they' really are though.

So, It was Wednesday when I went to my guide after a long break to tell him that it shouldnt matter if I had not worked a bit after Diwali. That all that matters is my strong desire to do something great. What
if I dont have any achievement to back my argument?! What if I dont know shit about a field that I am supposed to be an expert in?! All that matters is the fact that one fine day I will decide to stop wasting my time, and that would be it. AAh! Crapp! But seriously why is the past so important?! I guess it has more to do with the fact that they cant give their whole time evaluating your present. The thing is that you might be a right guy, but the thing is there are a lot of right guys out there, and a strong past to back their claims that they are the ones they want for their firms. Ohh! dont ask where the hell did word 'firms' come into the picture. I have become sentimental about placements of course. So what else. I always thought that my head was full of great ideas. Now that I think of it, I laugh at myself. But then I realise I was right when I thought that about myself. Its just that I have stopped thinking now. And the great idea have left me. And worst they have taken my great 'sense of humor' with them. Ranting. No!!

So. A change. Just got my room cleaned. I know its momentary. But thats the exact thing that makes it feel this good. I know life would be messed up again. That I would through the cigarette-ash again on floor; speaking of which, I have got to mention that I did a great practical problem solving this afternoon. yaa, ash collection problem.
I have seen many of my great friends tackle this problem before. Well, two friends to be precise. The first one collects the ashed into a steel glass. For aesthetic reasons I guess. I too, have a glass. But given the family man I really am, I cudnt bring myself to use that for this purpose. Anyway, So I remembered that the cleaning guy had thrown out a bottle while cleaning the room. I checked outside and it was there, destined to be picked up by me. So I got my super sharp (ookk! used one!) wilson-sword(i dont remember the name!)blade and cut it from the middle to give it a glasslike look. And I smoked and collected the ashe in it. Anyway, I havent patented this idea and you are free to use it for personal applications. Commercial users might want to give some percent of their profit to me, or they can directly donate it to the families of the men died prematurely due to excessive smoking.

So people talk about the wierd things they do, all the time. I guess its considered cool to get your freaking habits highlighted in the blogging world. Well. I dont think its weird but I enjoy cutting my nails using blades. When I was a kid I would cut my nails just for the heck of it. I am bored and I would go take a blade, sit somewhere and cut my nails. My amma used to cut my nails when I was too-young. Too young would imply that I must have been in my primary schooling that time. But then I quicked picked up on the skill, and here I am cutting my nails, without dropping a drop(dropping a drop??? !!:-s) of blood.

So I guess our lab-life is over now. I really hated going to labs all this time in iit, I really couldnt figure out the reason though. But I know I would miss it. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. We just cant be happy at any time in our lives.

Well. Again. Ranting. I love ranting. So heres a new thing. I feel, like almost all the times, that I am really very stupid. And I wonder whether others feel that too.I mean if they feel that they are stupid too. And, whether knowing that I am stupid makes me actually wiser than the others. DO I again sound sophisticated?? Yaa. I know I dont.

Now, I am really thinking hard to write something again. ... . Ok! Tht's it.
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Posted in: on Wednesday, January 2, 2008 at at 9:29 AM 5 comments  

so this is 3:49 in night. rather kool. and while i wud like to pretend that i am indifferent to beginning of another year, i just cant help posting this post. so year 2007 was quite important i guess. the year that i graduated ofcourse. not entirely a great year though. anyway ideally i sud look bak at life at this point of time, smile and plan for the coming years. planning is an awefully dreadful word and this year's plan is to stick to the plans! very funny! i know. anyway, i am typing this in this kool laptop of my friend's. long live the friends with laptops and internet connection.

so wassup?? nothing specific. i read some great books, saw some great movies, came to know some wonderful people thru blogging and ofcourse in real life. i need to get little orgnized. i will do that next year. i need to pee. i will do that right now.

okk. done. Appy Ew Ear.

Posted in: on Tuesday, January 1, 2008 at at 3:48 AM 0 comments  

ohhk! so this is like after a really long time that i am actually typing it on web. which is not exactly very exciting. but some-what more exciting than typing on WORD or OUTLOOK.

QIoMB is a parameter which stands for Quality Index of My Blogs. Yupp! I am trying to be over-smart. But now i know how to convert Excel Charts to uploadable GIF images. It was too tiring a task and believe me its not worth knowing.

So here i am going to narrate one incidence which i think is very funny. So i first went to Chennai and then decided to take a train from there to bangalore. And I got into the train in a bit of hurry as i boarded onto an almost running train. Anyway, After two three hours of journey or so i was not quite sure if i had got into the correct train. And after a second of panic, i was quite indifferent to the fact that i might as well be heading towards kanyakumari. The feeling was evolutionary. People who have been on drugs must know what i am talking abt.

okk! i have run out of ideas now. i am trying hard to resist the temptation of writing about love. I sud write about movies. Okk. PIX and ZEE Studio are too good movie channels to be compared to HBO or Star Movies. I have seen some quite unheard
classic movies lately. Random movies are my sort of thing. Last night i watched 'Mad Dog and Glory'. Few days back I had seen 'Love and Pain and Those Damned Things'. Then 'A Good Woman'. And then i have already talked about 'A lot like love'.

Okk! I think this post must end here. Without me trying extra-hard to make it sound extra-funny. So sometimes you come to know some of your strong points and you feel good. But then again you think for two more minutes and you realise that what you thot was your strong point is infact one of your weekest point. So how is that relevant to this post?? Well I really want to tell it, but two more minutes of thinking has led me to believe that two more minutes of thinking is absolutely necessary to make sure that what i was thinking a week point of my character is indeed a weak point. You dont expect me to tell you what i had in mind after two minutes right??

okk! ohhk! whokay! soke!

Posted in: on Friday, December 28, 2007 at at 7:14 PM 1 comments  

Posted in: on at at 2:15 PM 0 comments  

okk! now that I have got so many fan mails insisting that I should blog immediately or be ready to read news papers full of attempted suicide cases, I am gonna blog alright. But I am really disappointed. For I had waited long enough to hear at least one or two cases where some crazy girl had slit her wrist in order to make me blog. I know I deserved such sacrifices. Never mind anyway.

I had so many incidences to have my readers rolling over floor for all day long. But as always is the case I don’t want to recount them. But I don’t always do thing that I don’t want to do. So I ll recount them alright. So I had been gone to my home for this Christmas. Well, not exactly Christmas as I celebrated it on two or three trains during my return journey. kool. So, I think I am quite indifferent to traveling in trains in a pleasant way. Confusing huh?! As in I don’t know whether I enjoy my journeys in train but I know for sure that I don’t hate traveling in trains. Well, at least as long as ticket is confirmed! So I had to change my train at Nagpur. Nothing new, I know. And I had a side lower seat reserved to me. And I had this gut feeling that a girl is going to sit next to me. So well, I was not quite surprised when I found one. I also have this gut feeling that I will meet the girl of my dreams in a train – one of the reasons that I always choose a side berth for reservation. Pretty genius. I know. Anyway. Ohh. So to impress the girl, I immediately pulled out the novel that I had bought in Nagpur station. ‘The Firm’ by John Grisham. Now who girl wont be impressed by a guy who reads John Grisham. And to top it all ‘The Firm.’ Now when I had gone to buy the book I saw all these comics, Raj comics at that. And particularly Nagraj. Anyway, I have lately discovered that I don’t posses the same passion for comics anymore. I distinctly remember my eventful childhood where I would cry one hour a day to convince my parents that they should buy me Nagraj comics,. They refused comfortably. But each time I would remind my self that one day I would be earning and then I would invest half my money in buying comics. well the first month’s salary could all be dedicated to buying comics! Okk! Cut the crap. Then I thought about buying ‘Champak’. Well I liked it for sure. And plus it was worth Rs. 10. Only too suitable for an underpaid analyst. But ‘nahi’, I said to myself and I bought ‘The Firm.’ Well, I tried to justify my self that it would help me in atleast evading tax even if I don’t get any girl in train to show it off. Anyway, a girl was indeed there. Well to be honest, in trains best thing to ensure that you attract attention of pretty girls is to casually drop the fact that you are from one of the IITs. And the best thing to do that is to have a book from IIT library. Well, I never used it but some of my friends have. Successfully! That’s a different story. So where were we?

‘O Maa Gawd!! Is that ‘The Firm’? She screamed at the top of her voice. I smiled.

‘That’s my favourite book. I wud do anything if you promise to let me read this.’

‘Well, I haven’t completed it.’
‘Well, we cud read it together.’

okk! Jyada ho gaya! Life mein itne jaada coincidences ho rahe hain lately that now I have begun to doubt the ‘There are no coincidences. Only illusion of it.’, even when it was delivered by revolutionary V in V for Vendetta. So as we talked along I came to know that even that girl works in Bangalore and as she could not get a confirmed seat in a direct train to Bangalore, had decided to go there via Chennai, exactly as I had done. Could you believe that?! Even I couldn’t. And even today when I woke up I could not believe that it had happened. But then I called her up and talked to her. Well I will fix a date tomorrow.

Hehe! What wicked mind I have got! The shy and sarif bachcha that I am, you sud know ki anjaan ladkiyon se baat karna hamaari shaan ke khilaf hai. But I was looking forward to a pleasant journey ki chalo koi ladki toh hai bagal mein. But bedard bhawaan ko woh bhi manjoor nahi tha and after 5 minutes I had boarded the train, one gentleman who was really a bastard came to me and said ki he had to accommodate some of his family members and if I cud switch seats with them, it would be very nice of me. And well, the urge to show the world (and specially to the girl next seat) that no one cud ever be more nice than I am, I shifted to some other side lower seat (yeah! even it was a side lower seat!) with random uncles next to me asking me my qualification and assuming that I work in a BPO.

Anyway, I got some relief finally when I thot that the girl must be disappointed that I had to leave that seat. And now I am hoping that she will read this blog and finally impressed with my ‘studdness’ fall in love with me. Ah, Mungeri Lal ke hasin sapne.

but seriously. what’s wrong with??! As one of my friends told me ki yeh lakiyon ke barae mein hee blog kyun likh raha hun main. I have no idea dost! Pyar ho gaya hai lagta hai mujhe.

Anyway, I finally managed to complete ‘Of Human Bondage’ by Somerset Maugham. The story in middle is quite captivating. It was sickening. You feel disgusted at love and happy at still being single.

Posted in: on Thursday, December 27, 2007 at at 3:54 PM 8 comments  

(Mithun Da)
Tumhe apna saathi banane se pahle meri jaan mujhko bahut sochna hai

kahan se main laaunga resham ki sari
yeh bangala yeh gadi nahi le sakunga
mera dil hee meri milkiyat hai
jo chaho toh main bus yahi de sakunga
magar dil ki dhadkan sunane se pahle
meri jaan mujhko bahut sochana hai

yeh ranginiyan, raahatein zindagi ki bahut kuch tumhe hans ke khona padega
kabhi meri gurbat ne aanshun diye toh tumhe bhi mere saath rona padega
magar saath tumko rulaane se pahle meri jaan mujhko bahut sochna hai.

main darta hun uss din ki rushwayion se, apni mohabbat pe duniya hanse naa.
mohabbat ka naa ho naam badnaam hamse, zamane kahin hampe taane kase naa
sitaron ki mahfil sajaane se pahle meri jaan mujhko bahut sochna hai

(Padmini kolhapure !)
muhhabbat zinhe ho gayee ho kisi se, mohhabbat ka anzam kab sochtein hain
yeh aisha suhana safar hai ki jisme, hazaaron hain naakam kab sochte hain

chirage wafa apni aankhon mein leke, mohhabbat ki raahon mein joh chla pade hain
bayaanba mein hogi ya seharaa mein hogi, kahan hogi ab saam kab sochte hain

Mohhabbat ke maaron ko ab aur yeh dil, satayengi kya takhtiya zindagi ki
zinhe thak ke neend aa gayee pathron par woh duniya ka aaraam kab sochte hain

yeh insaan kya hai khuda ke bhi aage kabhi pyar duniya mein jhukta nahi hai
mohhabbat hi jinka khuda ban gayee ho kabhi kisi ka naam kab sochte hain
pyar jhukta nahi hai

you can listen to it here and search for ‘Pyar Jhukta Nahin’ .

Posted in: on Saturday, December 15, 2007 at at 5:27 PM 6 comments  

sat (12/15/2007 10:53:41 AM): ohhk you look stunning in black!
Katie ------------------------------ (12/15/2007 10:53:59 AM): thanks... lol

Some high quality ‘fart’ follows!

Katie ------------------------------ (12/15/2007 11:01:06 AM): brb... gonna get some water.
sat (12/15/2007 11:01:09 AM): okk
Katie ------------------------------ (12/15/2007 11:06:41 AM): kk, switched to pjs, lol
sat (12/15/2007 11:06:53 AM): ohhk
sat (12/15/2007 11:06:54 AM): kool
sat (12/15/2007 11:07:05 AM): kool
sat (12/15/2007 11:07:16 AM): you look even more stunning in your PJs
sat (12/15/2007 11:07:31 AM): i wonder how you might look with nothing on!
sat (12/15/2007 11:07:41 AM): aah!
sat (12/15/2007 11:07:54 AM): i am great with pjs too!
Katie ------------------------------ (12/15/2007 11:08:06 AM): ok... blushing sucks!

Some backdrop! Katie is a girl. A kid infact. 15 years old. lives in US. Her IQ is around 170-180 and I have reasons to believe that she was not lying when she told me so. I have no idea how she got added to my friends’ list. But she has been there for more than a year now. Well, I do remember going to ‘California’ and such chat-rooms in search of horny gals. I had tried my luck in ‘indian’ chat-rooms as well but after getting many a times surprised (Shocked!) after finding out that ‘Cool_girl_from_india’ was infact a boy, I gave up my fight there and that was when I had headed to foreign land. I was an instant hit there. But that’s a different story.

So by now you are in all probability thinking that I am a pedophile and should be shot down immediately. But I don’t want to sound self-indulged but I am as sarif as anyone can get. When I was at skool I never looked at gals because, well, I thought that they were senior to me. ( I studied at an all boys school but on my way to my school I could have seen a lot of ‘hariyali’ in those saffron salwar suits only if I had used the god-given gift of eyes more efficiently! Those salwar suits invariably made me feel like a kid in front of those smart studious and senior gals!) And when I was done with my school I saw every school going girl as a kid. Well now what?? Here should be a sentence that wud imply that the above trait of mine proves that I am a sarif and stupid boy. Yess! So while some things change, somethings don’t.

okk. Back to the pointless point. By the way (and not ‘by the way,’) this conversation has taken place you should be able to infer that the girl has got a webcam. and today I talked to her after a long time. And the funny-man that I am, I cracked my trade-mark jokes. ‘pjs’ here refer to pajamas that she changed to before going to bed. Anyway cut the crap. when she said that ‘blushing sucks!’ she was actually blushing. And I don’t remember I have seen anyone blush before. And well she looked adorable. Now here sud come a line which wud prove that her blushing has not turned me into a pedophile. Crap, I don’t want to prove nothing.

Posted in: on at at 4:30 PM 4 comments